|Mackinac Island 1980|
Hi Mom, I am still not done writing my report for Google IO, so I am going to put that off by another day, and share some Throwback photos as I should do every Thursday.
Seeing photos of you really kindles the flame of how much I miss you.
Here's a fragment of a dream that I have been carrying around with me for a few days, and I just wrote down what I remembered. It will appear in my next dreams installment (part six), but I decided to previews it here now.
What's surprising about the dream is that feeling that I had not hugged and kissed you in a while. In the dream, you were not dead. In the dream, hugging and kissing you was possible.
Even though I hugged and kissed you a lot in my 53 years of experience living with you, and though post-meningitis I hugged and kissed you every day for several years, once I moved out and married Liesel, I was not seeing you every day, and once we moved to Kalamazoo, I was not seeing you multiple times a week, and so I think I am carrying some guilt for all those missed days, times when I could have hugged and kissed you, and I didn't. Wow, that's a long sentence.
Hugging and kissing you helped you a lot in those post-meningitis years. I remember times when I would make you cry just by hugging you. But those hugs and kisses helped me, too. It's why I hug and kiss your shirt (the Frantic Woman/Ms. Intensity short) in my closet every day. It reminds me of that special affection we shared, and how important it was to both of us.
I am writing this note on the dream several days later, so a lot of the finer details have faded. I remember I was having a dream about going places and meeting people. During all of that, I saw you Mom. You were in your wheel chair. I leaned in and gave you a hug and kisses on the cheek. In the dream, I could feel your warmth. I could smell your skin. And I had the thought that I had not hugged and kissed you in a long time. I miss hugging and kissing you.
|Mackinac Island 1980|
Reflect and connect.
Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.
- Days ago = 319 days ago
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1605.19 - 10:10
NOTE on time: When I post late, I had been posting at 7:10 a.m. because Google is on Pacific Time, and so this is really 10:10 EDT. However, it still shows up on the blog in Pacific time. So, I am going to start posting at 10:10 a.m. Pacific time, intending this to be 10:10 Eastern time. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom. But I am not going back and changing all the 7:10 a.m. times. But I will run this note for a while. Mom, you know that I am posting at 10:10 a.m. often because this is the time of your death.