New feature: Hey, Mom! Talking to my mother #1
- the explanation
Hi Mom, So this entry, the first entry, has become a repository to explain what this blog is all about.
If you're a reader and have come here from a link I shared, then reading this entry will acquaint you with the purpose of this blog feature, and if you REALLY want to drill deeply, you can click on other links on this page for even more text from the 677 entries (at the time of writing this note) in this current blog feature.
The original text of the first post (which did not start with "Hi Mom"):
So, here's a new feature. Sense of Doubt was always meant to be without theme, to be potpourri. Lately, my content has been dominated by comic books. This trend changes now.
I am resuming daily transmission as I did when I wrote the t-shirts blog at 365 T-SHIRTS, and here's the latest blog entry there if interested: Coming Soon - T-shirt #366. Unlike the t-shirts blog, my new dailies will be relatively short.
I am going to use this blog to talk to you, Mom, every day because, as you were dying, I told you that I would think about you every day and that I would miss you every day. Yesterday (you died two days ago), I realized that I need to continue to talk to you, but I was wondering if I even need to do that out loud. And I will talk to you out loud. I also will talk to you in my mind. And some (not all) of what I share with you, I will share here with faithful readers, all two of them, who follow what I am doing with some regularity. By sharing here, I will also make official what I share with you, Mom, and what I dedicate to you.
I was thinking of good tributes to you, Mom. For instance, you liked shopping in the mall. In fact, for Mother's Day this year (that's 2015), I had given you a gift certificate to be redeemed to get me to take you to the mall and through as many stores as you wanted (all of them if you wanted). I put off letting you redeem it until after Liesel (my wife) and I returned from our trip to Scotland. But we had been home about a month when you died, and I had not yet managed to fulfill the promise made by the gift certificate. I have a little regret, but not paralyzing regret. I had taken you on a lot of shopping trips in the last fifteen years, so it was not going to be the first one, just the first one in a while.
Okay, back to the subject of this blog. I want to keep these posts short, often as short as a few lines or even a single line. I have so much to say, but I also realize that I have every day for the rest of my life to say everything. Though I am not sure if I will keep up with this "Hey Mom" feature for the rest of my life, I am committing to another entire year, as I did with the T-shirts Blog (and succeeded).
Added from #3: 1507.08: These early posts (not sure how long "early" will last) will all be about your death, Mom. You know, the final days, and everything that happened. I will repeat many things I said to you then, but I may find some new things as well.
I am sure I will focus a great deal of content on memories, but I also want to focus on what I usually tell you, Mom. The things that are happening. What's going on in my life now. My life will wait, though. Your death is the main subject for the near future, but I may mix in some other things from what's happening right now, I know you're interested.
Added from #7: 1507.12:
1. WORKING ON GRIEF: I need to work through my feelings, and I am going to do that by talking to you about my grief and the grieving process. The early stages of this will be the big stuff, such as the Memorial Service, making photo albums, and the anniversaries of your death, such as the first week, the first month, and so on. Some of this content may be as short as one line as I share one thing that made me think of you that day, Mom. I think the grieving process will have many facets.
2. MEMORIES: Though I am recounting memories as much for me as I am for you, Mom, I will recount memories from all the great times we shared in the last 53 and a half years.
3. JUST STUFF: I miss talking to you in person and on the phone. So some of the posts or contents of posts will simply be things I would have shared if you were still here on this earth in physical form. For readers other than you, Mom, it won't all be "big" stuff. Some of it will be rather mundane. But then I know you loved my stories, Mom. You loved to hear about what was going on.
Back to original text:
So today is a bit lengthier as it is dedicated to explaining what I am doing and why. I know you are interested, Mom; I know you are proud. I will place a link permanently on the Sense of Doubt blog main page leading to this content, so that I can always provide readers a quick link to the purpose of and thinking behind "Hey, Mom!", a blog feature. I also may wish to add to and edit this text as I develop this feature. It's what happened with the T-shirts blog as that evolved. It seems natural and fitting.
It's just like when I called. Even when I couldn't visit in the last few years, I would call. I called nearly every day, and you listened, Mom. This blog is going to take the place of those phone calls because I am going to miss calling you, talking to you, all the time, every day.
This post ends like those phone calls. Have Dad give you a kiss. I love you, Mom.
-end of original text-
ADDED in October 2015
Check out this entry
BLOG ENTRY #88 - 90 Days.
This entry does a better job of explaining the purpose of the blog than I gave in this entry #1 previously, so I am adding it here as I try to direct all new traffic here to this first post as an introduction to the series.
Update from Mother's Day 2017 - 1705.14
So this is what I wrote on Mother's Day and updated (extra text) to include here.
I have been wanting to write about how I have moved on in regards to grief, Mom. Sure, I am still grieving, but it's not constant, and it's not crippling. I am concerned that readers will think that by continuing my HEY MOM series that I am holding on, clinging, obsessed, looking for sympathy.
Not the case.
My loss, losing you, Mom, is not more unique than all the others who have lost parents, loved ones, and far less tragic than losses of young children.
But loss is loss, and measuring one loss against another seems like splitting hairs. It may serve a good purpose in validating someone's loss -- say of losing a young adult after his first semester at college as a friend of mine experienced late last year, which seems orders of magnitude more painful than losing you, Mom, after 79 years -- but not really useful in other ways. Because loss is loss, and we must all learn to live with it because we will all lose people. It's inevitable.
I want to be clear about the purpose of this HEY MOM blog feature, and why I continued it past my original plan of posting on 365 consecutive days.
This blog started with grief. It started as a way to cope with my grief. But it's not about grief anymore, and it was never JUST about grief.
It's about life.
It's about living.
It's about the things that I want to share or that I want to write about.
And I am sharing with my Mom as I always have, but really now, that's more tribute than meant to be seen as direct communication at least by other readers. I know that I am still communicating with you, Mom, in a hundred ways every day, but for readers of this blog, I want you to enjoy my work, whether it's original content (as I manage at least once a week) or a repost with very little text from or repost share with some more significant text from me.
That's a blog in the life of me, Mom. And here it is.
However, for more examination of what I have written about grief, check out the following link to my Hey Mom - Grief category. There is also a category just called Grief, but the Hey Mom one has all the posts specifically about grieving the loss of you, Mom, plus other grief posts of people who have died whom I mourn.
HEY MOM GRIEF CATEGORY
This is the ending I devised later and came back and added.
Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.
- Days ago = 02 days ago
Hey look! Obituary!
Battle Creek Enquirer Obituary for Marjorie E. Tower
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1507.06 - 21:31
updated - 1507.08, 1507.09
and - 1510.20 - 20:17
and - 1705.15 - 8:45
Here's the original banner text from the top of the blog from when I began the "Hey Mom" series. I changed it originally in 2015, when I started, I changed it again 1801.03 after posting item #911 in the series, and so I archive it here.
The main current project is a series of posts charting my grief journey after the death of my mother. "Hey, Mom! Talking to my Mother" chronicles my ongoing conversation with my mother, an activity that goes well with the theme of this blog (updated 2015). The Sense of Doubt blog is dedicated to my motto: EMBRACE UNCERTAINTY. I promote questioning everything because just when I think I know something is concrete, I find out that it’s not.