Hey, Mom! Talking to my Mother #25 - Counting Days

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #25 - Counting Days

Hi Mom,

Dad (the Big Guy or BG) sent me this photo the other day, and I just started weeping.

This photo tells me so much about you, just like the other one from the other day (Post #22).

I had forgotten about the flower petal clock in the corner of the counter at the Hazelwood house. See it there in the picture?

I didn't mention the dishes during the Memorial Service. When we were older, dishes were something you would let Lori and I wash, though often just one of us, and you would do either the washing or the drying.

And yet, here you are working alone. This photo tells me many things, such as the apron and the latex gloves. I often use latex gloves when I wash dishes. The hot water hurts my hands. Liesel teases me about this thing. There's that dish rack. Our first dish rack, Liesel's and mine, was your old one. All those pots. No dish washer in those days. The ceramic mug my dad used to drink root beer is waiting to get washed right by the sink where he set it for you.

Mom, what did you use that alarm clock for? Obviously, you're timing something. Or maybe it's just sitting there in front of the flower clock for when you do time things but you were not timing something when the picture was taken.

I did not ask you enough of these questions before you left us. I did not look at all these pictures with you and talk about our lives nearly enough. I was too focused on my life. I would call or visit, and I would talk about my life. Yes, I know, you were interested. But I am very interested in your life, and I feel like I do not know enough about it.

So, I started counting days. Not that this idea is related to the previous, but this is my next topic.

I started this blog two days after you died, so if I remember that fact, I could use the blog to count each day for the first year. But then, I decided to make it easier, and I started counting the days as "days ago" (IE. days since you died) at the bottom of the blog. I needed a counter because soon I will not be able to just subtract from the date. Soon we will leave July behind, and then days since you died is not as it is today, which is simply 30-4 = 26. Then, I will need the count. And so I will count. And some day, though the days often seem to crawl by, eventually, the count will reach 365, and I will acknowledge it on this blog. Then, (well, okay, two days later), I will have reached my goal to write one of these posts every day for a year.

And then what?

You will still be gone.

Writing this blog will not bring you back.

What will I do then?

I have 340 days to think about that.

But for now I am working and watching soaps and missing you.

I miss you a lot more today than I did yesterday.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 26 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1507.30 - 19:01