Hey, Mom! The Explanation.

Here's the permanent dedicated link to my first Hey, Mom! post and the explanation of the feature it contains.

Friday, July 10, 2015

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #5 - Invites


Mom and Dad at Turkeyville Christmas Show 1311.14
Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #5 - Invites

Hi Mom, I invited some people to your visitation and Memorial Service. I hope you don't mind. Today is the day of your visitation (though not a "viewing" as you were cremated), tomorrow is the Memorial Service, and Sunday we inter your ashes.

So when I say "invited," I actually mean "sort of invited" because I wanted them all to know that I am not expecting them to attend and certainly not obligating them to do so. Then again, I don't know how to write those words about no expectations and no obligations without people thinking that there is still subtext that I am expecting and obligating, and I am just being nice.

So this is what I wrote to them reprinted here exactly as I sent it. Hope you like it.

NOTE TO FRIENDS: If you are a friend of mine and live out of the immediate area, I did not send this to you as I REALLY would never expect you to share in such a day with me.

Hello friends,

First, please forgive the mass email. This mode is easiest right now, and it will be the ONLY one I send (for those who are sensitive to such things).

Second, in an effort to include partners of those I love, I have done so. I know I do not know some of you well, but if I had your email, I know you well enough for you to get this message. For those who have partners whose emails I do not have, please feel free to share this message with them.

I am writing to you as you are dear friends to tell you personally that my mother died yesterday, July Fourth, at 10:10 a.m. Some of you have already seen this news on Facebook, and some have not.

I am not asking for anything; I don’t need anything. This is not my purpose for writing. Condolences, good vibes, love, virtual hugs, kind words, your own experiences or wisdoms, and all that are appreciated at this time. But what does one say? I get it. I know. You can say nothing if you wish. It’s okay. I just wanted you to know what has happened because I care about you and you care about me (well, I think you do...last time I checked that is...), and so there you have it.
My birthday 2012

I have been sitting vigil at my Mom's side all week, and we knew this end was coming soon since June 21st. It was neither a surprise nor unexpected. She went peacefully. We had fifteen great extra years since her initial coma and meningitis in 2000. I am hurting and grieving but not shut down or catatonic. Life goes on.

I am inviting you to our visitation and memorial service. However, I want to be very clear that you are not obligated to come. I really mean that. I am simply adding that information as it seems the natural thing to do. I am not expecting anything at all. Many of you did not know my mother, and some only knew met her briefly; but you know me, so if you wish to attend, I would love to see you. If you cannot or do not wish to, I appreciate that, too, and PLEASE believe me, I really do not want you to feel any obligation whatsoever. Really. Geez, I don’t know how to write this without subtext. Really. There’s no subtext. :-) Yeah, Tower sense of humor endures. Or at least the self-effacing neurosis.

However, if you do not attend either of these events, please consider doing me a favor. I know it’s dramatic. You should probably expect this from me. If you have a parent still with you, especially your mother, give her a call. Tell her you love her. Make sure you share all the things you want to share with her. Give her a kiss if she is close enough or do so next time you see her. Life is short. I know you know this and don’t need me to tell you. But you see where I am. So there it is. If both your parents are gone, find a loved one and share a hug or a sweet word. I am sure most of you (maybe all of you) do this anyway. I managed to say everything I wanted to say to my mother before she died. It feels good, and yet, I wish she was still here to hear it all again and again and again.

The visitation with family will be from 6 - 8 p.m. Friday July 10th.

The memorial service will be at 11 a.m. with a lunch to follow on Saturday July 11th.

Both events are at the Richland Presbyterian Church in the village square in Richland.

No need to do flowers or cards or any of that.


If you made it this far, thanks for reading and letting me share.

Peace and love
chris tower

Hey, look, Mom! Obituaries. (and I helped!)


Obit funeral home
 
Obit Battle Creek Enquirer


As you can see, I think there's going to be cake...

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 06 days ago
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1507.10 - 10:10 (same time you died)
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