Hey, Mom! The Explanation.

Here's the permanent dedicated link to my first Hey, Mom! post and the explanation of the feature it contains.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Hey, Mom! Talking to my Mother #12 - I miss you


Taken at Turkeyville Christmas show Nov. 9 2012
Hey, Mom! Talking to my Mother #12 - I miss you

The following was written 1507.16 - starting at 16:03:

That thing in which grief blindsides me just happened and reduced me to sobs. Kind of like thunder with blue skies. Kind of like a wind shear on a calm day.

I had been getting kind of worried. I had not really cried in a few days. I felt numb. I felt empty. I did NOT feel okay, but I did not have tears just under the surface all the time. I felt cried out. But I doubted that I was done crying.

But I am watching Y&R while I am working, and the guy pretending to be Gabriel Bingham, who is really Adam Newman, just told Chelsea that he IS ADAM NEWMAN, and I really want to tell you about it, discuss it with you, share it with you, Mom.

And so that made me cry.

And for all I say about you being in my heart and with me and looking over my shoulder, and all that -- and I mean it -- I feel that, but it's not the same. It's not the same as you and your body being right here or out in Richland where I can call you or go see you.

And I am not sure how to feel about that change of status quo. I am not sure how to understand that loss and move on from it. And I am NOT going to stop watching Y&R even though it may make me bawl like a baby during every episode, and I am not going to stop feeling you with me, and I am going to keep writing this blog because it helps me make sense of this change, and I like to write run on sentences and fragments in my grief, but I have not made sense of it  all yet (not the grammar; the loss of you, Mom), and I am not sure if it ever will make sense.

So, just in case you missed it, Mom, Adam just told Chelsea who he really is. I paused the show to write this. I hope this is not another stupid soap opera trick that will get wiped away. I am unpausing now and hope that his confession continues.

Next day, now, Friday 1507.17 - It was not a stupid soap opera trick. Chelsea KNOWS. Wow.

And not to be a broken record, but I miss you, Mom. I miss you. I know this feeling is not unusual or unique, but it is heartfelt, it is true, and it's going to get repeated, a lot.

I miss you, Mom.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 13 days ago
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1507.17 - 10:33
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