Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1241 (SoD #3059) - Eight Years Ago Today

Mom on Mother's Day 1976

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1241 (SoD #3059) - Eight Years Ago Today

Hi Mom,

Feels like I just talked to you as the last HEY MOM was just a week ago for dad's 88th birthday.

So, I didn't do a HEY MOM seven years ago post last year because Dad was here. The posts for Dad's vacation were always a day behind, so the July 4th post was what we did on July 3rd. On July 4th, we tried to see the water falls on the Oregon side of the Columbia River Gorge, but many roads were closed due to a parade in Corbett. We also had trouble finding a place to eat. I wrote about all of that here (I am not reprinting this one):

Tuesday, July 5, 2022

A Sense of Doubt blog post #2695 - Dad's Last Day: The Columbia River Gorge and Portland - July Fourth, 2022

You would have laughed and laughed, Mom.

I know I am not unique.

I know many people have had loved ones die, parents, children, partners, friends.

I know that grief is a universal experience.

I miss you, Mom, all the time, every day, that almost goes without sharing.

I miss her even more on these days that are reminders of how much more time together we could have had.

However, I am grateful for so much. I am so grateful for my Dad and time with him. I go back to Michigan later this summer for a week to spend lots of time with him.

I am grateful for my wife, kids, dogs, friends, job, for living in PDX, in Kalama, for all these things.

I just wish I could have shared more of these things with you, Mom.

So, today I reprint three posts, first is this one, the HEY MOM from two years ago on the sixth anniversary.

Sunday, July 4, 2021

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1226 (SoD #2329) - SIX YEARS AGO

Then, there's last year July 4th post, which as I explained was what Dad and I did on July 3rd.

Monday, July 4, 2022

A Sense of Doubt blog post #2694 - Portland Art Museum and Salty's with Dad

And lastly, Mom, you might like this. It's the post from last August at which point, after over seven years, I finally found a pendant that was meaningful to me, a container to carry with me always some of your ashes. I am sure this pendant will carry more from others as the years drag on.

This post:

Saturday, August 6, 2022

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1237 (SoD #2727) - - My new Mani Mantra pendant - contains ashes

I miss you, Mom, but I feel you with me.

Always.

To any readers, thanks for tuning in.

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1226 (SoD #2329) - SIX YEARS AGO

Hi Mom,

Another year, another anniversary of the day you died.

I feel like I have covered this day in more than enough detail in past blogs, some of which are reprinted here in the collected annual edition.

Instead, I would just like to talk to you, which is what the HEY MOM feature was always meant to be. Is that okay with you?

I know it is.

It's not like I don't miss you, still need you, still wishing you were physically here. I still feel you all around me all the time. I still know you are with me, in me, near me, guiding me. I do talk to you a lot even when I do not transcribe it here. You were such an amazing human, one of the most amazing humans I have ever or will ever know.

But I have learned to live with losing you in these six years. It is not really hard any more. It just is the state of things. I have become a hater of the phrase "it is what it is," which I think is STUPID much like "from day one," which may not be stupid but is over-used. But more on that another time.

If not for the explosions and people who think Trump is still someone to cheer for, this would be a great holiday. I have become a HATER of fireworks. They happen when I want to go to sleep, but mostly I hate them because they scare the dogs. I HATE seeing my dogs scared.

IVAN IS HERE!!

We have not seen Ivan in 20 months, so this is special. Later today, Piper and her roommate come over, and we have food and hang out.

I have been working to get ready for Summer quarter, which starts Tuesday. I have one class -- English 101 -- set up completely and fully open. The other, English 102, needs more revision, but I am farther along in development than I usually am so I can take off all of today and some of tomorrow.

We get a new refrigerator tomorrow, as ours has died. We get the old one repaired Tuesday, where it will now reside in the garage.

I am taking care of things here: laundry, watering lawns and plants, walking the dogs, some cleaning, make the coffee, some cooking (grilling mostly), walk the dogs again, audio books, blogging, reading, writing.

Things are good. I am losing some weight but need to lose more. I am trying to eat healthy foods. I do not drink much at all. I have started Glucosamine, which helps with arthritic pain. I take CBD nightly.

Life is good.

I have been writing more lately. I have a short story in progress. I have taken a break from it for a time to get a novel rolling. I want to get in a rhythm of working on a few projects each week: stories and a couple of novels plus either a comic book idea or the notes for the cyberpunk fantasy epic.

Because I work for an amazing school, much more amazing than ANY in Michigan, I have faculty development money, and so I am taking a class in Young Adult novels at Sackett Street Writings Workshops.

This one:

https://sackettworkshop.com/writing/2021/03/10/8-week-online-writing-for-young-adult-and-middle-grade-workshop-begins-week-of-7-5-21/

8-week ONLINE Writing for Young Adult and Middle-Grade Workshop – begins 7.7.21

Begins: July 7, 2021
Instructor: Anna Hecker
Location: Online (weekly video Wednesdays 7:30-9:30pm EST)
Fee: $495 (usually $625)

A writing sample is not required (but welcome) for this class. Please fill out an application with your contact info. 

Start, finish, or polish your YA or MG novel in this supportive, proactive workshop. Brief lectures, tailored to students’ needs and interests, cover topics such as character development, voice and tone, plot, world-building, dialogue, romance, pacing, scene structure, querying agents, the business of publishing, and time management for writers.

Students will have opportunities to workshop writing with the class and receive written feedback from the instructor and fellow students. This course is intended for students with some writing experience.

All YA or MG genres are welcome.

APPLY NOW

Anna Hecker holds an MFA in Fiction Writing from The New School. She is the author of When the Beat Drops (Sky Pony Press, May 2018) as well as several young adult ghostwriting projects for Penguin/Razorbill, Alloy Entertainment and HarperTeen. Her articles have appeared in Cosmopolitan, ELLE, Gawker, DailyCandy, Refinery29, and VICE Broadly.

Our first assignment is as follows:

THE HOOK

Why are you writing this story? Why will others want to read it?

CHARACTER

What makes readers want to join a character on a journey? How can we make our characters relatable, complex, and compelling?

SETTING UP YOUR STORY

The six crucial elements every story beginning should include.

Obviously, the hook is a question for us to answer. The character questions might be for us to answer, but the story beginnings bit seems to be a lesson we receive. I am not sure. These are not yet open.


I am doing all right, Mom.

It's going to be a great summer. I have friends. A regular D&D game. Two wonderful dogs. A great family. I am happy.

Plus, I finally got my teeth cleaned and had a dental appointment for the first time since we moved.

I want to wrap this up so I can do some fiction writing before Liesel and Ivan come home.

Thanks for being my mom, Mom.

2107.05 - 11:04 - ADDED NOTE: Ivan and Liesel left to watch fireworks, and I stayed home with the dogs. For a while they cuddled with me on the stair landing and then later the couch (because the stair landing was hurting my back), I felt so parental, so motherly, it made me cry a little, Mom. That's because of you. Thanks. That's not a sarcastic thanks. :-)

Here's the collection of HEY MOM posts from July Fourth:


This is what I did last year in 2020, the year of the pandemic:

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1205 (SoD #1964) - Five Years Ago

Hi Mom,

Here we are again at another July Fourth, the day you left this earth, now five years ago in 2015.

I am still holding on to a lot of guilt for not being at your side and choosing, of all things, to try to play D&D with friends instead of continuing to sit vigil as you were dying.

I am all right. The grief is just a fact of life and has been for years. But it's there, and I miss you at the weirdest times, like when I use your measuring cup or when I am eating applesauce or when I hear screaming children next door, and I want to ask if I screamed that much when I played outside at their age.

And it's strange to be here, five years after your death.

I could not really imagine you dying at all, and I certainly had not vision for what it would be like to be here, still alive myself, after living five years without you.

It's surreal and strange, and yet, it's also the new normal.

And yet, grief cannot be about wallowing. Grief creates paradigm shift. It helps clarify what's important. And what is important is living life.

Recently, one of my students wrote a paper on quality of life and argued for the four day work week. He cited an often referenced adage that he would "rather work to live than live to work."

Since working through the most painful days of grief, the first 100 days after your death, (I also had a reckoning at 90 days after), I have dedicated myself as much as possible to living life, though I acknowledge that I work much too much.  WORK, WORK, WORK!!

Mom contemplating death
Her family's grave marker
May 11, 2011

CARPE DIEM! SEIZE THE DAY!

I try, Mom. I am working to improve my work-life balance; to reserve ample time and space for self care; to act on my best priorities, which are my family first, then my friends, then my work and avocations; to maintain this blog, and keep my writing muscles limber; to be the person that my dogs believe that I am; to love, learn, give joy, find joy, and embody the central principle of my life at all times: the golden rule.

And, so, LIVING.

I went kayaking on Coldwater Lake today, Mom. It's a lake formed by the Mt. St. Helens eruption of 1980.


Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1033 - Mount St. Helens trip 1805.03

It's not a thing you would have done in a million years, Mom, even when you were younger.

And yet, I feel closer to you there, in nature in general, but in that place in particular.

It feel right to me. It's the right thing to do on this day, after five years without you.

I wish you were truly here to see it, in the flesh, and yet, I feel you were watching.

The day had mixed results.

The temperature from our home (68) dropped by 15 or so degrees (to 54).

We did well with strapping the kayaks to the car and getting them off again once we got to Coldwater Lake.

We rowed out about a mile, and it was fine, serene.

We turned around and started back in a head wind. The waves were not white capped or anything, but our kayaks felt very tippy and unstable. It felt like we could capsize at any time.

I had hugged the shore rowing out, and after trying for a more direct route back, I made toward shore again as the wind was a little less severe in the shallows.

It went all right, and we both stayed out of the water.

The whole adventure would have been perfect had I been able to get out of the kayak, but in my attempt, despite good advice, I toppled over and cut my knee badly.

But with some first aid, we managed, and lashed the kayaks back to the top of the car and returned home.

you can just see the blood on my right leg from my cut knee

GRATITUDE

On this day, like on many days in any year, I think about how grateful I am for the upbringing that you and Dad gave me, Mom.

Here's one of my best gratitude posts:

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #217 - Gratitude
I think today is a good day to reprint the following:

LAST WORD ON THE GRATITUDE THING: I got the idea for the gratitude prayer (meditation, list, incantation, catalogue, rumination, reflection, or whatever you want to call it) from a movie called The Secret. I am not quite promoting the movie as a "true" exposure of an actual science. In fact, many of the stories in the film are a bit fatuous. However, I like watching it. I showed it to a class (my second viewing) about a month ago, and the idea of the daily gratitude thing struck me. In the movie, one of the interviewees (I forget which one and it's not important) explained how he had a rock in his pocket. At night, he would set it on his dresser with the other contents of his pockets. The next morning, he would retrieve it and remember to list the things for which he was grateful as a daily routine, like a prayer. He had a visitor from South Africa and told the man about his rock and gratitude practice. The man called it a "gratitude rock." After returning to South Africa, he wrote his American friend and asked for some gratitude rocks to be sent to him because one of his children was very sick, and he did not have the money to seek medical care for the child. The interviewee balked at sending "gratitude rocks" because, after all, "they are just rocks," he said. But he found three nice rocks and sent them to his South African friend. Months later, the South African wrote back. The rocks worked! His son was healed and recovered. They paid for his medical treatment by selling a hundred gratitude rocks. People believed in the power of the gratitude rocks.

I found this story inspirational. I do not use a rock, but every day, I make my gratitude list. I send energy into the universe. I focus on the positive and try to limit or dismiss the negative.

I think it's working.

Thank you, Mom.



I no longer enjoy Independence Day, which is okay, because I never really enjoyed it anyway. It's nice to have an excuse not to work.

Springsteen's song "Independence Day" is not strictly a mirror of missing you on this day of your death, but there are remarkable connections.

"Independence Day" by Bruce Springsteen from The River

Recorded three years before you died, Mom:

INDEPENDENCE DAY 

Album version

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Well Papa go to bed now, it's getting late
Nothing we can say is gonna change anything now
I'll be leaving in the morning from St. Mary's Gate
We wouldn't change this thing even if we could somehow

'Cause the darkness of this house has got the best of us
There's a darkness in this town that's got us too
But they can't touch me now and you can't touch me now
They ain't gonna do to me what I watched them do to you

So say goodbye, it's Independence Day
It's Independence Day all down the line
Just say goodbye, it's Independence Day
It's Independence Day this time

Now I don't know what it always was with us
We chose the words and, yeah, we drew the lines
There was just no way this house could hold the two of us
I guess that we were just too much of the same kind

Well say goodbye, it's Independence Day
It's Independence Day, all boys must run away
So say goodbye, it's Independence Day
All men must make their way come Independence Day

[Sax solo]

Now the rooms are all empty down at Frankie's joint
And the highway she's deserted, clear down to Breaker's Point
There's a lot of people leaving town now, leaving their friends, their homes
At night they walk that dark and dusty highway all alone

Well Papa go to bed now, it's getting late
Nothing we can say can change anything now
Because there's just different people coming down here now and they see things in different ways
And soon everything we've known will just be swept away

So say goodbye, it's Independence Day
Papa now I know the things you wanted that you could not say
But won't you just say goodbye, it's Independence Day
I swear I never meant to take those things away

https://www.springsteenlyrics.com/lyrics.php?song=independenceday

Info

INDEPENDENCE DAY is a song written by Bruce Springsteen and released on his 1980 album The River. The above lyrics are for Bruce Springsteen's album version of INDEPENDENCE DAY as released in 1980.

And, as usual, the annual recaps (here in a reprint): 

Mom - Mother's Day - 1976

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1176 (SoD #1596) - Marjorie Tower - RIP - 07-04-2015

Hi Mom, Living without you is getting easier with each year that passes. I never thought I would survive it. Does surviving losing you mean that I can survive anything? I hope so. I feel stronger and yet weaker at the same time. But though I am both stronger and weaker, I move on ahead into each new day. Those days come whether I want them to or not. Sometimes, I feel helplessly adrift in them, and at other times, I feel I am in control of those days, wrenching the life juices from their fabric and reveling in the gifts I have been given. And I have been given so many gifts. I feel lucky. I am blessed.

When I am not thinking of how much I miss you, I think about what your life might have been like if you had never gotten the meningitis or if we could have caught it earlier and stopped it before it stole your mobility, independence, and much of your freedom. Or what if it had happened to me instead? I wouldn't be here in the Portland-metro area; I wouldn't be married.

Mostly, I am unapologetic for my feelings or in still writing about grief and loss from time to time on this blog. People misunderstood how the blog was about life and not about death, how it was about living and not about grieving. There's just some grieving in the blog because there's some grieving in the life. People will still misunderstand. People will read the headline and nor the text. People will judge. But I am not writing for them. I am writing for me and to you, Mom.

I could have written about something else today, but I feel like that would be a betrayal not just of you and your memory but of myself. I cope with my writing. I practice good self-care with my writing. And somehow, I know you hear me, Mom. I still feel you with me, beside me, all around. I want to be worthy of your love and care, this life you gave me. I want to pay tribute to the living you in me, practicing the lessons you taught me in loving those in my life and showing them the white, pure light of the love that made you who you are and me who I am.

I am doing all right.

To close, I want to include a few more pictures and links to the last three posts on July 4th. There wasn't one that first year, 2015, as I started this blog series two days later, July 6th.

SIDENOTE: I am amazed that I have written 1176 in this series and nearly 1600 overall, when added to my 365 T-shirts posts, I have nearly 2000 blog posts on the Internet, which feels like good work for the last six years give or take.

At the end of that first year, 2016, I rode the Kal Haven Trail with Sue Creager, stopping along the way at the time of your death.

https://sensedoubt.blogspot.com/2016/07/hey-mom-talking-to-my-mother-363.html

Mother's Day 1994

In 2017, I didn't do much of anything. I just made a post explaining my emotional and mental state as of the two year anniversary of your death.

https://sensedoubt.blogspot.com/2017/07/hey-mom-talking-to-my-mother-728-two.html

Coldwater Lake Hike 1807.04

In 2018, I had moved to Woodland, WA, and I hiked Coldwater Lake as pictured in part above. Being in nature was even better than my first time, the bike ride, in 2016.

https://sensedoubt.blogspot.com/2018/07/hey-mom-talking-to-my-mother-1094-three.html

This year, no nature.

I went to see a showing of the new Ari Aster film Midsommar and had Vietnamese food. I walked the dogs, watched the neighborhood fireworks, and tried to keep the dogs calm. It was still a good day.

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It's been FIVE YEARS.



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A Sense of Doubt blog post #2694 - Portland Art Museum and Salty's with Dad

Dad wanted seafood, so I did some searching and found Salty's, which is quite good though pricey.

Then we went to the Portland Art Museum, where I am a member.

It was another good day.

Though this day is the anniversary of Mom's death -- July 4th 2015 at 10:10 a.m. -- these pictures show what we did the day before, July Third.

I will more fully acknowledge Mom's death tomorrow.

DAD VACATION

These posts on the "Dad Vacation" are published one day behind the day we did the thing. These picture were taken on July Third.

Blog Vacation Two 2022 - Vacation II Post #130

I took a "Blog Vacation" in 2021 from August 31st to October 14th. I did not stop posting daily; I just put the blog in a low power rotation and mostly kept it off social media. Like that vacation, for this second blog vacation now in 2022, I am alternating between reprints, shares with little to no commentary, and THAT ONE THING, which is an image from the folder with a few thoughts scribbled along with it. I am alternating these three modes as long as the vacation lasts (not sure how long), pre-publishing the posts, and not always pushing them to social media.

Here's the collected Blog Vacation I from 2021:

Saturday, October 16, 2021

A Sense of Doubt blog post #2433 - BLOG VACATION 2021 COLLECTED

Ellory loving on her Dad because her missed him.

AT THE PORTLAND ART MUSEUM

AT SALTY'S ON MARINE DRIVE

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Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1237 (SoD #2727) -  - My new Mani Mantra pendant - contains ashes

Hi Mom, I haven't written to you in a while. My last HEY MOM post dates back to Mother's Day (May 8th) and before that January 27th, when we reached the milestone that you had been dead for 2400 days. I am getting close to the 2600 milestone now, which will happen on Monday the 15th of August, about a week from now.

For years, I have had a file open on my computer called "Pendants for My Mom's Ashes" that I last updated on December 30th 2015.

It took me six and a half years to finally choose and buy a pendant, so that I could wear your ashes around my neck in something that is meaningful to me.

Maybe when Liesel or one of the dogs dies (I expect the dogs to go first), I change to wearing their ashes. Or maybe I mix ashes of all my loved ones. I actually hope Dad outlives the dogs.

Anyway, in recent years, I have been able to let go of coping mechanisms to deal with losing you, Mom.

I stopped the daily alarm at 10:10 a.m. about two years after you died. I stopped kissing your Frantic Woman shirt every day before that. And other things, including stopping the daily HEY MOM posts on July 06th, 2018, three years to the day after you died.

Friday, July 6, 2018

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1096 - The Last Daily, Consecutive Hey Mom Post

DRAT!!

I just spotted a counting error with the HEY MOM posts in which I have two Hey Mom #1146 posts in January of 2019.

Oh well, too late to renumber now.

Oh wait. I may have fixed it. Yes. Okay. That's fixed, but there seems to be a gap between Hey MOM #1150 on February 10, 2019 and #1158 on March 31, 2019. I may have to investigate this, but for now I am going to trust that my numbering is accurate.

Anyway, here's the pendant list:

infinity

http://www.perfectmemorials.com/infinity-cylinder-stainless-steel-cremation-jewelry-engravable-p-8808.html?products_id=8808zmam=40893252&zmas=1&zmac=1&zmap=PM9808&gclid=Cj0KEQiAno60BRDt89rAh7qt-4wBEiQASes2tZ-M3408T8rHto01G3JyIA1VUxR94ba1Yefoh1NqSicaAguS8P8HAQ

panda cat pendant

http://www.aliexpress.com/item/Panda-Stainless-Steel-Black-Cute-Cat-Charm-Cremation-Jewelry-Ashes-Pendant-Keepsake-Memorial-Urn-Necklace-With/32525126380.html

SOME NICE ONES

http://www.coopfunerals.co.uk/Memorials/Cremation-Memorials/Urns-and-Keepsakes/

possibly

http://www.coopfunerals.co.uk/Memorials/Cremation-Memorials/Urns-and-Keepsakes/Ashes-Pendant-Chelsea-Design-29/

Buddhist wheel pendant

Dharma chakra

Many good ones here

http://www.stardust-memorials.com/necklaces-for-ashes.html

AND SO I CHOSE THIS:

https://innerwisdomstore.com/products/tibetan-buddhist-mani-mantra-pendant-necklace

I wanted something meaningful independent of your ashes, Mom, something that I would want to wear as its own thing, expressing its own ideas.

This Mani Mantra pendant is just the thing, though the other day it came apart while I was out running errands, and I lost a few bits of your ashes!! I am going to have to be scrupulous about keeping it screwed together tightly and check it all the time. I wore it today to Portland and checked it when I got home, and it needed a few turns to tighten.

The pendant came with the mantra and prayer on a tiny scroll, which I removed to fill the vessel with your ashes, Mom.

In the other photos, above, I cheat and display the pendant on the book cover from The Atlas Six by Olivie Blake, which I just happened to be reading at the time but which looks cool.

I really liked the design of this pendant. Though I am not crazy about gold, this had a mix with silver, and so it seemed less garish.

And I liked the symbols on its face and the meaning of the Mani Mantra.

I want to learn how to use the Mani Mantra in practice. I need more spirituality in my life. I also want to start doing Tai Chi regularly.

Following, I have shared the Mani Mantra and the text from the Inner Wisdom site.

I am very happy with this decision, Mom, to carry you forward into the future like this, with this pendant, and this spiritual practice.

I love you, Mom.

I know you approve. I hear you.

Thanks.

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Reflect and connect.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you, Mom.

I miss you so very much, Mom.

Talk to you soon, Mom.

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- Days ago = 2923 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2307.04 - 10:10

NEW (written 1708.27 and 1907.04) NOTE on time: I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of your death, Mom, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of your death, Mom. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom. Dropped "Talk to you tomorrow, Mom" in the sign off on 1907.04. Should have done it sooner as this feature is no longer daily.

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3058 - The First Ever Music Monday - Reprint of HEY MOM #279

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3058 - The First Ever Music Monday - Reprint of HEY MOM #279

As promised, I am doing three reprints in a row as a mini-break from many recent posts with lots of original content.

For today's Music Monday, I decided to dial back to the first Music Monday, which I hope I have not reprinted before but am currently not interested in checking.

Originally, published Monday, April 11, 2016, not quite a year since the death of my mother, I was already seeking features to sustain the blog and life choices -- writing about my life -- that did not involve writing about grief all the time.

That first year was difficult. Even though I anticipated Mom's death for years, really since the meningitis 15 years prior, but certainly since the diagnosis of the supranuclear bulbar palsy, we all knew Mom was on limited time, though no one knew how quickly she would decline. Answer: pretty quickly.

So, now on the eve of the eighth anniversary of Mom's death, I am looking back at those early days of the blog.

In April of 2016, I was foolishly doing TWO posts day as I was doing a DAILY BOWIE post since David Bowie died in January of 2016. I did not want to switch HEY MOM to Bowie only posts, so two posts a day. When I quit Hey Mom, the blog total was not the same due to the Daily Bowie posts and the Sense of Doubt posts prior to starting HEY MOM on July 6th, 2015.

Looking at April posts in 2016, I was not writing about grief very much. April began with posts about my step son's band The Cantaloupes. I had a post about teaching Winnie the Pooh, another about Baseball, and The Walking Dead season finale as well as DAILY BOWIE posts. Likewise there is a lot of variety and very little grief-related content, but other than DAILY BOWIE, no real regular features.

And so, when I reached HEY MOM #279, I considered that PERHAPS Music Monday (then called Musical Monday, which I have since decided is the wrong name as I am not writing about Musicals, I am writing about Music, but the category is still "Musical Monday")  could be a regular feature each week on Monday. 

Though I have tried other features, such as Writing Wednesday, Throwback Thursday, Weekly Hodge Podge (usually Saturdays), and Comic Book Sunday, only Music Monday has enjoyed an uninterrupted weekly feature for now over seven years. I do not feel like counting how many that is, but we do know it's close to 364-ish posts!

My first Music Monday post was dedicated to the healing power of music, and featured some favorite recent music to which I was listening, most notably, the featured music, Lhasa De Sela's "CON TODA PALABRA," which came to me via my wife.

It's good to see it again and think about that time period seven years ago. My life has progressed in many unexpected ways since then.

I still miss my Mom, A LOT.

Thanks for tuning in.

Originally: Monday, April 11, 2016

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #279 - MUSICAL MONDAY: Music for April 11th

from the video for "Con Toda Palabra"

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #279 - MUSICAL MONDAY: Music for April 11th

Hi Mom,

Maybe I can try to make this a regular feature.

Last night, I finished a book on Brian Eno's 1975 album Another Green World. Author Geeta Dayal also wrote about other Eno albums, notably Discreet Music and how it came about after Eno recuperated from a serious automobile accident. The album had both a healing effect on Eno, but other people found the album healing as well, in miraculous ways. More on this in my review of the book, but I came away from my reading thinking about the healing power of music.

So, today is dedicated to the healing power of music.

Here we go. I want to play some music for you, Mom.

THE HEALING POWER OF MUSIC

Liesel has been listening to this song over and over lately. It's very beautiful, and so is the video. Sadly, the artist, Lhasa De Sela has passed away.

"CON TODA PALABRA" Lhasa De Sela

"CON TODA PALABRA" Lhasa De Sela

Music Video for Lhasa De Sela. Directed by Ralph Dfouni & Brigitte Henry.

Music in this video

Learn more

Song

Con Toda Palabra

Artist

Lhasa

Album

The Living Road

Licensed to YouTube by

Believe Music, The Orchard Music (on behalf of Tôt Ou Tard); SOLAR Music Rights Management, UNIAO BRASILEIRA DE EDITORAS DE MUSICA - UBEM, ASCAP, LatinAutorPerf, Peermusic, LatinAutor, SODRAC, and 17 Music Rights Societies

LUTINE - "DIED OF LOVE"

This is one of my new finds. Here's the studio version and a live version.

"Lutine" is a female imp in French folklore.

This first link come from Lutine's Bandcamp page via Front and Follow. Also, HERE.

Lutine - Died of Love (Union Chapel for Daylight Music)

Mar 23, 2015

Lutine perform tracks from their debut album White Flowers, at London's Union Chapel 21st March 2015.

www.facebook.com/lutinemusic

http://www.frontandfollow.com/lutine-white-flowers/

JULIANA BARWICK "NEBULA"

From the forthcoming album Will.

Julianna Barwick recorded Sigur Ros' studio in 2012. She is touring and will play at the Detroit Museum for Contemporary Art in June.

BANDCAMP: Julianna Barwick.

FROM WIKI: Julianna Barwick is an American musician who was born in Louisiana and currently lives in Brooklyn. Her music is built around multiple loops and layers of her voice. Barwick, who credits a rural, church choir upbringing for her sound, begins most tracks with a single phrase or refrain, then uses a loop station and the occasional piano or percussive instrument to build the song into a swirling mass of lush, ambient folk. She released her first two collections of songs, the full-length Sanguine and the EP Florine, in 2009 and 2010, respectively, before issuing her Asthmatic Kitty debut, The Magic Place, in 2011 and Nepenthe in 2013. Her newest album, Will, will be released via Dead Oceans on May 6, 2016.




MOBY

I love Moby.
I did not know this song, and I have not seen this movie.
You Tube suggested this to me.
Fear the power of social media algorithms.




DAUGHTER!!!!

New favorite band. Another You Tubs suggestion. Thank you for looking out for me You Tube.




JULIA HOLTER - HAVE YOU IN MY WILDERNESS

Mojo Magazine named this album the best of 2015.
I have been meaning to listen.
WOW. So good.


Feel the healing power of music.

Reflect and connect.
Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.
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- Days ago = 281 days ago
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1604.11 - 10:10

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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2307.03 - 10:10

- Days ago = 2922 days ago

- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I plan to continue Hey Mom posts at least twice per week but will continue to post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3057 - I am a Human Lightning Bolt - THAT ONE THING - Reprint (SoD #2119)

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3057 - I am a Human Lightning Bolt - THAT ONE THING -  Reprint (SoD #2119)

As I mentioned the other day, three days of reprints.

STATUS: I am beginning to once again feel like a human lightning bolt.

Happy Comic Book Sunday.

Thanks for tuning in.

This post was originally published on Sunday, December 6, 2020

at this link:

A Sense of Doubt blog post #2119 - I am a Human Lightning Bolt - THAT ONE THING

Enjoy (again)!

A Sense of Doubt blog post #2119 - I am a Human Lightning Bolt - THAT ONE THING

INAUGURATION COUNTDOWN

45 DAYS to inauguration

Low power mode and THAT ONE THING just because of so much work, and I am behind.

I am a living lightning bolt.

Lightning shoots out of my fingertips.

https://13thdimension.com/the-flash-135-to-be-re-released-as-a-facsimile-edition/

https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/The_Flash_Vol_1_135

The Flash #135 is an issue of the series The Flash (Volume 1) with a cover date of March, 1963.

Synopsis for "Secret of the Three Super-Weapons!"

While on a holiday from school, Wally West rushes out of the house and changes into Kid Flash in order to try to solve a mystery he stumbled upon recently. He has found that by running at super-speed he's been picking up pieces of some kind of telepathic message. By attaining a certain vibrational frequency, Kid Flash manages to get a clear connection the image of a woman materialized before him. The woman calls herself Ryla, and explains she comes from the dimensional realm of Korydon in the 16th Dimension. Opening his mind to her, she shows her images of her people's mortal enemies the warlike Makryds who plan on conquering his world. She tells that her people invented three super-weapons to help them stave off the Makryd invasion however the items were transported to Earth's dimension but were lost to them. She asks Kid Flash for his assistance in recovering the weapons so that her people can defend themselves against the Makryds.

Finding such an undertaking too much for he himself to tackle on his own, Kid Flash decides to seek out the help of his mentor the Flash and races off to Central City. There he overhears a radio report about how scientists have uncovered a mysterious super-scientific device and have asked the Flash to research it and try to determine its origin and function. Realizing that this must be one of the items that Ryla has charged Kid Flash with finding, Kid Flash races off to the special laboratory that has been setup for the Flash.

At the lab, the Flash is tinkering with the device when it suddenly charges him with a strange electrical energy. When Kid Flash rushes into the room, a bolt suddenly fires out from Flash's body that envelopes Kid Flash and changes his costume into a totally different design. After pondering the strange situation, Flash explains that he was coming up with a costume redesign for Kid Flash's uniform to avoid confusion between the two and deduces that the device endowed him with a temporary mind-over-matter ability, making his thoughts of Kid Flash's new costume a reality. Kid Flash then explains to Flash his meeting with Ryla and how this is one of devices that she is seeking out to save the Earth from the Makryds. Flash agrees to help Kid Flash find the remaining two weapons and the duo race around the world to find them.

Flash finds one of the items in Northern Europe, while Kid Flash finds the other in South America. Taking them back to Central City, they learn that one device is an ultra-paralysis machine and the other a super-scanner ray. Deciding to try out the super-scanner, the Flash learns that the Makryds have just learned of their success in recovering the weapons, and fire an energy bolt across the dimensions that destroys the three weapons. Undaunted by this turn of events, the Flash sends Kid Flash to gain access to Ryla's dimension and collect replacement weapons, while he goes off and warns the world of the impending invasion.

Kid Flash returns to the glade in Blue Valley where he first established contact with Ryla. However, this time instead of contacting her directly he finds himself transported to her dimension. There he finds the city of Korydon and finds that the Makryds have invaded and taken it over, and that Ryla is a prisoner. When Kid Flash attempts to rescue her, Makrydian soldiers attempt to stop him with their denigration rifles. Kid Flash makes short work of them. Freeing Ryla and her allies, Kid Flash agrees to accompany them to the Makryds' weapon depot on Korydon to secure more super-weapons, then to stop the invasion of Earth. Using his super-speed to get himself and Ryla past the base's defenses, they secure additional super-weapons and transport them to Earth, this time with Ryla and Kid Flash following them to make sure they don't get lost a second time.

While on Earth, the Makryds sends their invasion fleet though the dimensional barrier and are met with opposition from the Flash and the US Military. Despite the best efforts of both, the Makryds superior technology prevails; both Flash and the military are immobilized. Kid Flash and Ryla arrive soon after with the super-weapons and with the combined power of said weapons and the super speeds of both Flash and Kid Flash, the Makryd invasion is easily stopped. With the invasion quelled, the United Nations allows Ryla to take the captured Makryds to stand trial in her native dimension. Before departing, Ryla thanks Kid Flash for all his help and leaves him a goodbye present. That night, back home in Blue Valley and in his civilian guise, Wally uses the gift, an inter-dimensional letter dispatcher, muses how he's probably the only boy in the world that has a pen pal from another dimension.

LOW POWER MODE: I sometimes put the blog in what I call LOW POWER MODE. If you see this note, the blog is operating like a sleeping computer, maintaining static memory, but making no new computations. If I am in low power mode, it's because I do not have time to do much that's inventive, original, or even substantive on the blog. This means I am posting straight shares, limited content posts, reprints, often something qualifying for the THAT ONE THING category and other easy to make posts to keep me daily. That's the deal. Thanks for reading.

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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2012.06 - 10:10

- Days ago = 1983 days ago
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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2307.02 - 10:10

- Days ago = 2921 days ago

- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I plan to continue Hey Mom posts at least twice per week but will continue to post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3056 - SoD Reprint of #2760 - Lessons for Writing to REMEMBER

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3056 - SoD Reprint of #2760 - Lessons for Writing to REMEMBER

So, hi there.

I am doing reprints for the next three days to save me time and energy, which I am putting elsewhere.

After seeing that TOR Publishing is launching a new imprint called BRAMBLE, an old novel idea re-surfaced, and so I decided to set aside the current project to attempt to finish a first draft of the novel this year, or if I can really apply myself, by the end of the summer (three months).

Here's BRAMBLE:

And so, I have a romance novel idea.

Here's some of what I wrote in my journal for the novel: 

2306.28-08:39

Okay, it’s Wednesday morning, and I am starting with a goal to finish this book this year or be an abject failure.

To accomplish this goal, I must schedule time to write and keep to that schedule. I must set weekly goals, so if I miss a day when I planned to write, I make it up another day and time.

Last year, when I took my writing retreat, I learned things about myself and why I did not get as much writing done as I wished. One issue was the unfamiliar place. I always managed better at the Neahtawanta because it was always familiar. Also, the place was not what I hoped and not exceedingly comfortable. Also, I hit some depression. But eventually I got rolling and I identified lessons, rules, to write by.

(That's today's reprint; link below.)

Also, in expanding on lesson number five (see post reprinted below), I need to make the writing a priority. Instead of putting other things in the way of writing, do the writing first. This goal will be tough this summer as I write best in the morning, and I do not have enough morning time Monday-Thursday as I have to teach at 9 a.m. each of those days. And so, I am going to have to write another time and stick to it.

For instance, today, instead of finishing the blog entry, I started with this work and will go back to that blog entry later.

If I am aiming to finish a draft of 100K words by the end of the year that’s six months of production (July-December). That’s about 16,000 words a month. That means I need to write 4000 words a week. That’s a lot of words. Back when I was tracking my word output, a decent writing day was 5,000 words. A great day was 8,000 words. And I had a few monster days eclipsing 8k. The word goal is the words of the book itself, the words the readers will read, not the “Bible,” the plans, plots, character backgrounds, and so on. And so, possibly, 4,000 words a week is doable. It’s even possible that in just one day of writing I can get that output. However, with work, especially in the Fall, it’s difficult to achieve that kind of output. Then again, I need to be better about taking at least one day off completely from work each week no matter how much work I have. It’s a nice goal. Not sure I can actually do it.

Okay, I am going to do it. In fact, maybe I should aim to double the output in the summer when I am less busy. If I can write 32,000 words a month or 8,000 words a week from July 1st through September 30th (three months), that’s nearly the entire book = 96,000 words. And 8,000 words a week this summer is four 1000 words days each week, which seems very achievable. I can even get 2,000 words in on a day if I miss that 1,000 words * four days goal.

Okay, plan for output is PLANNED.

I would like to finish my novella, also, but we’ll see if that’s feasible.

This journal is a good warm up. It’s meant to be a dumping ground, a way to shake loose the cob webs, a way to get easy output. I have been at it about 30 minutes and have 600+ words and spent time trying to rename my main character.

So, that's the plan.



Thanks for tuning in. I am not off on a hike.

Thursday, September 8, 2022

A Sense of Doubt blog post #2760 - And now I am home - Writer's Retreat Recap

A Sense of Doubt blog post #2760 - And now I am home - Writer's Retreat Recap

I am returned home and have been for over a week by the time I got around to finishing this post.

I am not writing at length about what I learned from the trip because really I can boil down six takeaway realizations, lessons, I gained from my time away. They all have to do with writing.

the LESSONS

1. Stop second guessing.

2. Any progress is good progress.

3. I don't have to show everything.

4. I am writing all the time even when it's just in my head.

5. If I want to log significant time, make an appointment with myself. Put it on my calendar.

6. Be less hard on myself.

SECOND GUESSING

As I work on a novel, I have lots of ideas that I capture in big files of notes journal style, which means just writing whatever is in my head into the file.

But then as I consider ideas and how to execute them, I second guess myself, which leads to a lack of forward progress as I spin my wheels, rewriting and changing what I already have.

Sometimes second guessing is easy and natural. For instance, I just wrote a scene in which a character gets bad news and starts running. Well, she's the police chief and seeing the chief of police running through town to the high school is not keeping a situation low key. So I am changing that. She would want to run and then stop her impulse.

But for bigger plot and character stuff, once I have a pretty good plan in place, I need to leave it alone and keep writing. I can always change it later. But second guessing and endless re-dos are why I have not finished a novel since 1993.

ANY PROGRESS IS GOOD PROGRESS

Hence my new rule of at least 15 minutes a day of writing. I can find 15 minutes in any day, right?

As long as I spend the time WRITING the actual narrative, then this progress is good progress.

First drafts are supposed to be shitty anyway, right?

I DON'T HAVE TO SHOW EVERYTHING

Unlike the show don't tell advice that is so popular, I have tendency to show too much, to think I need to show every moment, every little detail. But that's not needed. For instance, in my book, it starts with the discovery of the first murder victim. The narrative then backs up in time just a little and for not too many pages to set up the main characters and situations. When the police chief gets the call, the reader knows what it is. I don't have to show the call as it is not important by itself.

I AM WRITING ALL THE TIME

This is not a new one. None of these are, really. I have thought of them all before, and the the first two have been constant refrains for years though apparently I need to keep reminding myself.

Writing all the time refers to how I write in my head (as many writers do - all writers?). I am brainstorming ideas, I am plotting, I am working out back story, I am refining and building character, and I am writing actual narrative. 

This concept is related to the "stop mid-sentence" advice. I think it's better to stop writing for the day right in the middle of something, even a sentence, so I know right where to start the next day rather than writing to a stopping point. I stole this idea from a famous writer. I don't remember who.

If I want to log significant time, make an appointment with myself. Put it on my calendar.

Since I am so easily distracted and/or drawn into a work sinkhole, and yet I am able to keep appointments when these are made, if I want to complete a significant amount of writing, say like 2-3 hours at least, perhaps I put it on the calendar and treat it like an appointment.

The other writing can be stolen time. That 15-30 minutes fits whenever and wherever it fits. But I big chunk of time may need to be scheduled to hold myself to it.

Be less hard on myself.

One of my biggest problems, and I am sure not just for me, is that I always think I can do more than I can in a day. In the morning of a day I have completely for work at home, I think I can do seven things, so many things, and then I can really only do two or three of them. And then when I only do two of seven things, I feel like a failure even though I worked very hard all day with very little down time and often, like on Saturdays, as late as 10:30 p.m.

So, I am determined to be easier on myself. To not beat myself up for not doing seven things because that's unrealistic. And maybe, I need to get better at setting realistic expectations for what I can do in a day and be happy if I get done what I can get done. Even if I continue to set lofty goals, I am trying to be better at accepting that what I could get done is A LOT and to be happy with that productivity.

Also, I am running another time management and analysis assignment in one of my classes this fall, and I track my time data as well. For the Fall, I want to track not just what I spend my time on, but when I log "work time," what work am I doing and how long does it take me to complete tasks that I have to do often, such as grading a set of persuasive essays with the audio feedback and rubric, which is very time consuming. The whole point of time analysis is to examine how I can better spend the most precious resource of my life: time.

I am still determined to write every day, at least five days a week, and to reach a certain weekly out]put.

Since I am writing these words NINE days after the alleged publication date of this post, I have seen how little I have managed to log that writing time: two of the nine days.

Again, in not feeling like a failure and being kind time myself, two days is better than zero days. If I can make it at least three days next week, then I have made progress. That's my other problem: I want everything all at once, NOW, and things do not work that way, especially NOVEL writing.

Okay, back to work.

Since I have fallen nine days behind (twelve was my record), I am going to put the blog in REPRINT mode for two weeks and then probably simple shares and one things until I can get back on track and stay ahead.

The goals of the blog work are to stay active, to stay ahead of the daily deadlines, to work on it at night or early in the morning when I am not typically working anyway, to not use it as an excuse not to write fiction as it's easier and less anxiety-producing, and to be less "scheduled" and do whatever I want to do and what is easiest. Catching up and getting ahead with at least two weeks of reprints will be easiest.

I close with where I stayed on the Writing Retreat.

As always, thanks for tuning in.

Here's where I was staying in Eureka with photos. You can find it on AirBnb.

3335 Cottage Street, Suite 1
Eureka, CA 95503

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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2209.08 - 10:10

- Days ago = 2624 days ago

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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2307.01 - 10:10

- Days ago = 2920 days ago

- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I plan to continue Hey Mom posts at least twice per week but will continue to post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.