Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #211 - Overwhelmed

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #211 - Overwhelmed

Hi Mom,

I have felt on the verge of crying all week. In part, I felt the swell of grief and the feeling of loss as I still grapple with a world without you physically in it. But my tearful verge was also brought on by feeling like I am drowning, being truly overwhelmed. I continue to think I have taken on too much this semester, and I do not possibly have time to do it all and succeed. The second part of that previous phrase is key, so I will repeat it: AND SUCCEED. I continually doubt I have enough time to simply DO all the things I am committed to do (let alone would like to do) and even more dubious about my ability to succeed in doing these things. I am on the verge of crying now just thinking and writing about all of this.

I had started an item back in early January called "what's ahead," in which I had planned to discuss what I was facing for Winter term 2016, and I never wrote the entry. Now it's February 3rd (posting date, though later in actual writing date), and I am just now addressing this issue now that I am in the thick of the maelstrom.

I type these words on Sunday for a blog dated four days ago (Wednesday), which shows how I am behind. I have bought myself some extra time on some of my projects, and yet I am facing a terrible week ahead with three tests, a project, final grades at one school and regular grades at the other schools.

What is all of it? I am teaching six classes at four schools. Four of those classes have HEAVY grading loads every week. The other two have lighter loads and are easily adjusted as they are under my control. I am also taking two very demanding classes: Java 2 and Calculus. In Calculus, I am struggling to find study time, and I still have to pass the test of the pre-requisite material let alone prepare to pass a test on the Calculus material. I am finding more time to devote to Java as I consider it more of a priority, and yet time is still a factor with the heavy grading load along with the daily work and classes and things in my life eating away at my free time.

I am drowning.

And yet what can I do?

I go forward. I do my best. I do not mean for this blog entry to be a pity party. I am just unloading. Because it's like the LIMITATIONS demotivator sign here says. Until I spread my wings (shoot for the stars), I have no idea how far I can walk (actually how much I can accomplish with one step at a time).

And so, as I am swallowing water and going down, as I try to get to the air, I have to learn to swim. What can I do to stay afloat? How did I get into this deep water? How can I stay in the shallow end of the pool more often? Is there a life raft?

Thanks for listening.

Reflect and connect.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 213 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1602.03 -  10:10