Though the current project started as a series of posts charting my grief journey after the death of my mother, I am no longer actively grieving. Now, the blog charts a conversation in living, mainly whatever I want it to be. This is an activity that goes well with the theme of this blog (updated 2018). The Sense of Doubt blog is dedicated to my motto: EMBRACE UNCERTAINTY. I promote questioning everything because just when I think I know something is concrete, I find out that it’s not.
Hey, Mom! The Explanation.
Here's the permanent dedicated link to my first Hey, Mom! post and the explanation of the feature it contains.
A Sense of Doubt blog post #4213 - SoD Reprint - Dad Vacation 2022 - Day of Rest
Still in reprint mode of DAD posts in honor of his passing two years ago on the 28th. Published at 13:40, the time of his death.
Dad visited here in 2022, the year we bought the Kalama house as an early picture of the front shows, a time before the plum tree, and with many concrete blocks since moved out of the front.
I bought him the Portland t-shirt he's wearing, which I now own again and wear as pajamas.
For me, today is also a day of rest, a self care day before I start my clinical hours tomorrow.
A Sense of Doubt blog post #2691 - DAY OF REST: Dad and I eat at McMenamins Kalama Harbor Lodge
We kind of took a day off and had a day of rest. Later in the day, we went out and sat by the river at McMenamins.
Good day.
DAD VACATION
These posts on the "Dad Vacation" are published one day behind the day we did the thing. These pictures were taken on June 30th.
Blog Vacation Two 2022 - Vacation II Post #127
I took a "Blog Vacation" in 2021 from August 31st to October 14th. I did not stop posting daily; I just put the blog in a low power rotation and mostly kept it off social media. Like that vacation, for this second blog vacation now in 2022, I am alternating between reprints, shares with little to no commentary, and THAT ONE THING, which is an image from the folder with a few thoughts scribbled along with it. I am alternating these three modes as long as the vacation lasts (not sure how long), pre-publishing the posts, and not always pushing them to social media.
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2207.01 - 10:10
- Days ago = 2555 days ago
- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I plan to continue Hey Mom posts at least twice per week but will continue to post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2608.30 - 13:40
- Days ago: MOM = 4077 days ago & DAD = 730 days ago
- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I post Hey Mom blog entries on special occasions. I post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day, and now I have a second count for Days since my Dad died on August 28, 2024. I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of Mom's death, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of her death and sometimes 13:40 EDT for the time of Dad's death. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.
A Sense of Doubt blog post #3773 - GOING FISHIN' - "Sort-Of" Blog Vacation until July Fourth
Taking "sort of" a blog vacation at least to July Fourth, which will be the tenth anniversary of my Mother's death.
Going into low power mode until then with simple shares, THAT ONE THING, and reprints.
I have a few original posts scheduled between now and then, but mainly I need to focus on grad school, my one job, and stuff around the house while trying to figure out how to acknowledge ten years since Mom died.
I have a big pre-practicum for grad school Friday of this week (the 20th) through Monday (23rd), which will keep me online all day and limit my free time for other things.
There will be daily content, just in low power mode.
Thanks for tuning in.
LOW POWER MODE: I sometimes put the blog in what I call LOW POWER MODE. If you see this note, the blog is operating like a sleeping computer, maintaining static memory, but making no new computations. If I am in low power mode, it's because I do not have time to do much that's inventive, original, or even substantive on the blog. This means I am posting straight shares, limited content posts, reprints, often something qualifying for the THAT ONE THING category and other easy to make posts to keep me daily. That's the deal. Thanks for reading.
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2506.17 - 10:10
- Days ago: MOM = 3638 days ago & DAD = 292 days ago
- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I post Hey Mom blog entries on special occasions. I post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day, and now I have a second count for Days since my Dad died on August 28, 2024. I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of Mom's death, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of her death and sometimes 13:40 EDT for the time of Dad's death. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.
A Sense of Doubt blog post #3595 -SoD Reprint of #2615 - Repeating Songs and other "S" Things
Still in reprint mode.
I wanted to edit the image above and fix the typo. But I am not skilled enough with image editing tools and do not feel like teaching myself right now.
Despite it being the Solstice and attending my son's wedding later today, keeping with reprints.
Thanks for tuning in.
LOW POWER MODE: I sometimes put the blog in what I call LOW POWER MODE. If you see this note, the blog is operating like a sleeping computer, maintaining static memory, but making no new computations. If I am in low power mode, it's because I do not have time to do much that's inventive, original, or even substantive on the blog. This means I am posting straight shares, limited content posts, reprints, often something qualifying for the THAT ONE THING category and other easy to make posts to keep me daily. That's the deal. Thanks for reading.
A Sense of Doubt blog post #2615 - Song Repeat - THAT ONE THING - and 16 other things that start with S for 2204.16
This meme!
Even though it has a spelling error in it.
The way THAT ONE THING works is that I venture into one of my folders, usually the SENSE OF DOUBT folder, I close my eyes and scroll at random, and then I must pick something from that grid of images visible in that part of the folder.
So, the song repeat meme. Obv.
And then, because I have trouble keeping the blog entry to ONE THING for THAT ONE THING, sixteen images from that part of the folder for April 16th.
Thanks for tuning in and ENJOY.
Blog Vacation Two 2022 - Vacation II Post #52
I took a "Blog Vacation" in 2021 from August 31st to October 14th. I did not stop posting daily; I just put the blog in a low power rotation and mostly kept it off social media. Like that vacation, for this second blog vacation now in 2022, I am alternating between reprints, shares with little to no commentary, and THAT ONE THING, which is an image from the folder with a few thoughts scribbled along with it. I am alternating these three modes as long as the vacation lasts (not sure how long), pre-publishing the posts, and not always pushing them to social media.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ - Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2204.16 - 10:10 - Days ago = 2479 days ago +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2412.21 - 10:10
- Days ago: MOM = 3459 days ago & DAD = 114 days ago
- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I post Hey Mom blog entries on special occasions. I post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day, and now I have a second count for Days since my Dad died on August 28, 2024. I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of Mom's death, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of her death and sometimes 13:40 EDT for the time of Dad's death. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.
A Sense of Doubt blog post #3124 - Another Return from Vacation - 2023 - Posts Collected and reprinting SoD #2025
Hello!
The "vacation" is over. Actually, I have been home for several days, but I extended the blog vacation to avoid going right back into production as soon as I got home. I learned this lesson last year. After my writer's retreat, I had too many things to do when I returned home and had not planned "low power mode" posts. I set a new record of 15 days behind before I started to catch up. Even then, once reaching 15 days behind, it was probably a full week until I was back on schedule and current and staying current.
I do not think I collected my writer's retreat posts last year. But I did take a long "blog vacation" in which I started the three-feature rotation of THAT ONE THING, a simple SHARE, and a REPRINT for 151 days!
This time I started the vacation a few days before I left on Wednesday 8/23, and I am ending it today for a total of 16 days.
Unlike the blog vacation linked above from 2022 during which I did not go out of town at all, I did not rotate the three features but did mostly THAT ONE THING with a few shares and a couple of reprints.
I will list them all below.
Now back to normal production mode, which is often low power, even though not officially. I cannot always do much more than get something posted to fulfill my daily goal.
However, I feel that I have done a good job of better figuring out my work flow to get more original content completed and to tackle some of the ambitious posts that have been in the works of a long time, some for a few years.
Thanks for tuning in.
LOW POWER MODE: I sometimes put the blog in what I call LOW POWER MODE. If you see this note, the blog is operating like a sleeping computer, maintaining static memory, but making no new computations. If I am in low power mode, it's because I do not have time to do much that's inventive, original, or even substantive on the blog. This means I am posting straight shares, limited content posts, reprints, often something qualifying for the THAT ONE THING category and other easy to make posts to keep me daily. That's the deal. Thanks for reading.
Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1211 (SoD #2025) - I Need to Take a Break
Hi Mom,
How are you?
You speak with heavenly beauty to me from the beyond. I hear you. Thank for staying by my side and yet not, and yet everywhere, and yet nowhere. It's as an aspect of Quantum Reality.
Was that too corny? Oh well. I don't care.
So, here's the thing.
I need to take a break.
I have been working a lot. I have been running hard. I have been making complicated and very time intensive posts with a lot of original writing, and I have been running this hard since the start of the pandemic quarantine.
And now it's time for a break, a little vacation.
I cannot really take a vacation during the pandemic. I can't really go anywhere safely, and even if I could, what about my dogs? I either take them with me, or I cannot go because I do not trust any place to properly and safely house them.
And doesn't Europe have a travel ban against people from the United States because our pandemic is so out of control?
I need some time off. I need to dial back the crazy train. I need a breather.
In my employment world, one of the two schools for which I work -- Lower Columbia College -- is on a break between quarters as we just finished summer quarter, and even though I had just one class, I put a lot of time into it. My other school is currently running, and I have two classes with it, so that's an issue. But my work load has dropped.
Further freeing occurred when the workshop I am taking ended Tuesday night, and we are about to start the Labor Day weekend, which prompted me to give all my current students extensions.
And so, I have more time free, and I would like to channel it elsewhere for a while.
Now what happens when a daily blogger takes a break?
After all, I could just stop posting for a while. No one is paying me, no one is holding a gun to my head, and unless you leave comments to disabuse me of this belief, I do not have that many avid and daily readers.
But, as I have always claimed, this blog is for me more than anything else. Sure, I think about audience a lot. I am often trying to reach my students. At other times, I have a broader view and hope by pushing the blog out there via social media with has tags that I will get more readers, at least for certain posts.
My numbers often support this "marketing."
A quick glance at my numbers shows that I reached a monthly high of 412 posts back on August 11th. I am not sure if this is related to the posts on or around that day because they do not have numbers of views that would total 412.
I tend to hover in the 40-50 page views a day on average with spikes of 126 (8/18) and 116 (8/31). My WEEKLY HODGE PODGE posts seem to be the most popular event of my week, always accumulating 30+ views with some topping out higher, such as #1978 currently at 110 views and #1963 at 83 (links below).
Therefore, it makes sense that even in my time off, taking a break, vacation, I should continue to produce the WEEKLY HODGE PODGE, which I had considered also taking a break from. But the HODGE PODGE does not cost me a ton of time as I read and accumulate material every morning. Plus this week's is dedicated to one of Obama's best speeches ever: A MORE PERFECT UNION.
So, to go back to the question of how a daily blogger takes a break?
EASY POSTS.
For instance, I have features called LOW POWER MODE, One Photo, and THAT ONE THING that allow me to keep my blog simple and easy to produce on a daily basis, which was the original concept for my T-shirts blog. I can even produce these easy posts in advance.
LOTS OF SHARING. I share anyway, but I can feature posts that just share other content with very little commentary from me; after all, I have 584 draft posts currently saved in my account, subtracting 95 for the weekly comic lists I accumulate and probably will never share, that leaves approximately 490-some posts that are half-finished, many of which already contain copies of material I want to share.
RESIST THE URGE OF COMPLICATIONS. I have tendency to overdo, over-commit, over-write. If I can KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID, then I can survive my time off, which I am thinking may need to last about two weeks with a return to the NEW NORMAL about September 17th.
ALSO, in the "time off," I will still be writing. I have longer blog posts that I want to devote time to finishing, and I am working on fiction in a much more dedicated way and other work stuff: two presentations to prep, classes to prep, job search, outdoor fun as summer wanes, new writer's groups.
So, that's that.
Thanks for reading.
Here we go into the sort of time off, sort of vacation, sort of low power mode.
DREAMS
ARG!!!!!!!! Trump was in my dream and so was Rebecca Watson.
Trump was my college professor. After he said something offensive in the class room when I had tuned him out and could not answer his question about house electrical amperage accurately. I said "fuck this" and prepared to leave the room and drop the class.
There was a break, and I encountered Trump in the hallway. I thought to myself that I should kiss his ass and curry his favor rather than dropping the class. I could probably get an A if I just stroked his ego constantly. I apologized for my out burst and begged his forgiveness. He appreciated my candor and HUGGED ME... yuk!
Later, I encountered Rebecca Watson (often blogged about, like HERE SoD#1880), and I was going to recommend a tacos place (in Portland?) and there was a lot of stress because I had to pick the place with the most amazing tacos AND a place where one could actually have the tacos in the pandemic (outdoor dining). Could I pick such a place?
Clearly, these dreams, especially TRUMP HUGGING ME (GAG) IS PROOF THAT I need a break.
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2309.07 - 10:10
- Days ago = 2988 days ago
- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I plan to continue Hey Mom posts at least twice per week but will continue to post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.
A Sense of Doubt blog post #2714 - THE RETURN - End of Blog Vacation #2 - 2022 - COMPILATION of all posts
I have postponed the end of this blog vacation at least three times.
Originally, it was only going to be about a month, then two months, then 100-ish days, and I don't remember how many other times I re-scheduled it.
While Dad was here, I realized I would need some time after he leaves to get caught up on the blog, on work, and on life tasks that were neglected or on which I fell behind during that "real" vacation in which I did little to no work.
This blog vacation was never meant to least 150 days, which is FIVE MONTHS.
That's nearly half of the year.
But this is an odd year. I moved to a new house. I am not reading prose books so much with my eyes (as opposed to audio since I am doing that) but instead working through the stacks and stacks of graphic novels. I applied for a full time job where I work and did not get it, and yet, I work more than full time for my jobs combined (I teach at two schools).
And so, this "blog vacation" went on much longer than I planned.
Working with the rotation of a SHARE, THAT ONE THING, and a REPRINT for five months makes me think that this blog vacation is now the new normal. Though I will not exclusively follow that pattern now that I am free of the "vacation," I will fall back on it when I am busy and continue to space out the original and/or ambitious posts. The blog was always meant to be easy. Quick to make, simple posts that are easy for readers to digest. But that's not always my way. I always try to do too much.
Also, the blog vacation was meant to be focused on simple posts so when I take the time, in the limited free time, I set a week or more of posts ahead. That never really happened this time, though I have managed it before.
The work ahead is always my goal.
So, here we are. I return from the "blog vacation."
When I think of "returns," I always think of the iconic 1970s TV show Welcome Back Kotter: Your dreams were your ticket out.
150 - This post, today's post -- THE RETURN. Blog Vacation II over.
Blog Vacation Two 2022 - Vacation II Post #150
I took a "Blog Vacation" in 2021 from August 31st to October 14th. I did not stop posting daily; I just put the blog in a low power rotation and mostly kept it off social media. Like that vacation, for this second blog vacation now in 2022, I am alternating between reprints, shares with little to no commentary, and THAT ONE THING, which is an image from the folder with a few thoughts scribbled along with it. I am alternating these three modes as long as the vacation lasts (not sure how long), pre-publishing the posts, and not always pushing them to social media.
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2207.24 - 10:10
- Days ago = 2578 days ago
- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I plan to continue Hey Mom posts at least twice per week but will continue to post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.
A Sense of Doubt blog post #2713 - Musicians Perform Brian Eno’s Ambient Album Music for Airports in an Airport
I was going to save this one for a Musical Monday, but as this is the penultimate day of the "Blog Vacation II" with tomorrow's post being THE RETURN and a list of all 150 entries, I like essentially ending the vacation with this share.
Thanks for tuning in.
Blog Vacation Two 2022 - Vacation II Post #149
I took a "Blog Vacation" in 2021 from August 31st to October 14th. I did not stop posting daily; I just put the blog in a low power rotation and mostly kept it off social media. Like that vacation, for this second blog vacation now in 2022, I am alternating between reprints, shares with little to no commentary, and THAT ONE THING, which is an image from the folder with a few thoughts scribbled along with it. I am alternating these three modes as long as the vacation lasts (not sure how long), pre-publishing the posts, and not always pushing them to social media.
Ambient Music must be able to accommodate many levels of listening attention without enforcing one in particular; it must be as ignorable as it is interesting.
In the original liner notes to Brian Eno’s founding document of Ambient music — 1978’s Ambient 1: Music for Airports — the artist explains that he named his genre after “an atmosphere, or a surrounding influence: a tint. My intention is to produce original pieces ostensibly (but not exclusively) for particular times and situations with a view to building up a small but versatile catalogue of environmental music suited to a wide variety of moods and atmospheres.”
In defining “environmental music,” Eno takes great pains to distinguish his new work from the makers of Muzak. Rather than recreating the familiar with instrumental schmaltz, and “stripping away all sense of doubt and uncertainty,” Ambient should stimulate listeners’ minds without disturbing or distracting them, inducing “calm and a space to think.” Rolling Stone at the time coined the derisive, but not wholly inaccurate, phrase “aesthetic white noise.
Reverb Machine painstakingly shows in a deconstruction how Eno himself introduced as much uncertainty into the compositional process as possible. Music for Airports is not, that is to say, a composition, but layers of tape loops with snippets of recorded music. These loops he set running and “let them configure in whichever way they wanted to.” Acting as initial selector of sounds and engineer, Eno’s role as composer and player of the piece involved “hardly interfering at all,” he’s said.
How could such a composition translate to a traditional performance setting, in which musicians, elevated on a stage, play instruments for audience members who face them, listening intently? The situation seems antithetical to Eno’s design. And yet, somehow, the musicians who make up the Bang on a Can All Stars ensemble have made it work beautifully, performing Music for Airports‘s first track, the nondescriptly named “1/1,” in an arrangement by the group’s Michael Gordon, above, for an appreciative audience at the San Diego Airport Terminal.
Bang on a Can is a group committed, like Eno, to “making music new.” Since 1987, they have (unlike Eno) done so in a live performance-based way, holding 12-hour marathon concerts, for example. These performances have included their rendition of Music for Airports in full. The Village Voice described a 2007 performance in New York City for hundreds of attentive fans as “beautiful,” a word that often gets applied to Eno’s masterwork of randomness. Eno himself described the results as “very, very nice,” and he’s maybe the last person to be surprised that a live performance of the first so-called Ambient record works so well.
“The interesting thing is that it doesn’t sound at all mechanical as you would imagine,” he wrote of these early tape loop experiments. “It sounds like some guy is sitting there playing the piano with quite intense feeling. The spacing and dynamics of ‘his’ playing sound very well organized.” See a quintet of “guys” just above — on cello, bass, keyboard, percussion, and guitar — recreate the mildly disjointed mood of standing around in the liminal space of an airport, for a crowd of people who, presumably, came there for the express purpose of hearing background music.
These are the liner notes from the initial American release of Brian Eno's "Music for Airports / Ambient 1", PVC 7908 (AMB 001)
AMBIENT MUSIC
The concept of music designed specifically as a background feature in the environment was pioneered by Muzak Inc. in the fifties, and has since come to be known generically by the term Muzak. The connotations that this term carries are those particularly associated with the kind of material that Muzak Inc. produces - familiar tunes arranged and orchestrated in a lightweight and derivative manner. Understandably, this has led most discerning listeners (and most composers) to dismiss entirely the concept of environmental music as an idea worthy of attention.
Over the past three years, I have become interested in the use of music as ambience, and have come to believe that it is possible to produce material that can be used thus without being in any way compromised. To create a distinction between my own experiments in this area and the products of the various purveyors of canned music, I have begun using the term Ambient Music.
An ambience is defined as an atmosphere, or a surrounding influence: a tint. My intention is to produce original pieces ostensibly (but not exclusively) for particular times and situations with a view to building up a small but versatile catalogue of environmental music suited to a wide variety of moods and atmospheres.
Whereas the extant canned music companies proceed from the basis of regularizing environments by blanketing their acoustic and atmospheric idiosyncracies, Ambient Music is intended to enhance these. Whereas conventional background music is produced by stripping away all sense of doubt and uncertainty (and thus all genuine interest) from the music, Ambient Music retains these qualities. And whereas their intention is to `brighten' the environment by adding stimulus to it (thus supposedly alleviating the tedium of routine tasks and levelling out the natural ups and downs of the body rhythms) Ambient Music is intended to induce calm and a space to think.
Ambient Music must be able to accomodate many levels of listening attention without enforcing one in particular; it must be as ignorable as it is interesting.
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2207.23 - 10:10
- Days ago = 2577 days ago
- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I plan to continue Hey Mom posts at least twice per week but will continue to post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.