A Sense of Doubt blog post #4165 - Play God - Music Mix Reprint from 2024

A Sense of Doubt blog post #4165 - Play God - Music Mix Reprint from 2024

Giving this new cover art, which comes from a movie called Playing God.

You Tube frequently serves up old playlists that have "recent activity." Sometimes this activity is a song or songs being removed. Other times it could be an actual listener. After all, as of today, the mix has 207 views, and those are not all by me.

Though this mix is only a little over two ye4ars old, I forgot how good it is.

Enjoy!

Thanks for tuning in.

LOW POWER MODE: I sometimes put the blog in what I call LOW POWER MODE. If you see this note, the blog is operating like a sleeping computer, maintaining static memory, but making no new computations. If I am in low power mode, it's because I do not have time to do much that's inventive, original, or even substantive on the blog. This means I am posting straight shares, limited content posts, reprints, often something qualifying for the THAT ONE THING category and other easy to make posts to keep me daily. That's the deal. Thanks for reading.

BLOG VACATION #1 - 2026 - Taking a blog vacation for a couple of weeks, until at least June 26th, 2026. But now that it's past June 26, I am not sure when I am resuming normal operations. Mostly reprints. A few simple shares (not that simple shares are out of the norm) and THAT ONE THING. Need time for other things.

Link to the original post I am reprinting below:

Monday, April 15, 2024

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3345 - "Play God" - a new mix for Music Monday 2404.15

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3345 - "Play God" - a new mix  for Music Monday 2404.15

This mix has been in the works for some time.

That's what happens.

I conceive an idea: "hey, I like this song. I should build a mix around it."

I put it on the schedule.

And then, because I have not worked on it at all, I keep pushing back the publication date.

In the end, I just went with a random mix not so much one that has a theme that unites most or all of the songs.

The selections here are mainly songs that came to my attention recently or for one reason or another went into my "favorites" list, which is more a dumping ground for songs to listen to than an actual list of favorites.

Though, because You Tube keeps hiding these lists from me for no reason I can discern, I made a blog post to be able to get to them if I cannot find them in my playlists queue. You Tube really needs a search function in all the ways I can scroll through my playlists.

Sunday, September 26, 2021

A Sense of Doubt blog post #2413 - FAVORITES and NON-MUSIC FAVES PLAYLISTS YOU TUBE

This is an interesting collection. After the song for which the mix is named and my starting point -- "Play God" by Ani DiFranco -- I went with contrast and yet thematic unity (I think) with what was chosen as the theme song for the show Constellation on AppleTV+ that I featured on the blog last week.

Monday, April 8, 2024

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3338 - Surrogate Sibling - "Tellur" - Musical Monday for 2404.08

Hans Zimmer's brilliant theme for the TV show The Crown seemed to follow "Tellur" well, and then there's songs recently recommended by my friend Helene interspersed with other gems, such as PJ Harvey and Jane Siberry.

I haven't even listened to the mix all the way through, honestly. But that's okay. I like randomness and surprises.

I am happy to get Kit Sebastian into a mix as I have proclaimed on social media they are one of my newest most favorite bands, though I have yet to feature them in a blog post... that needs to go on the schedule.

I feel the frame from "Play God" to "Thank You for Hearing Me" works really well, too.

From Track 18 to 26, I am not sure that all works. That's where the mix gets VERY random. 

But I am sticking with this for now.

I hope you like it.

Thanks for tuning in.

"Play God" - a new mix  for Music Monday 2404.15





"Play God" Mix - Track List

[1] Play God - Ani DiFranco (Official Music Video)

[2] Surrogate Sibling - Tellur

[3] Hans Zimmer - The Crown Main Title

[4] This love Craig Armstrong ft Elizabeth Fraser 1998

[5] PJ Harvey - Prayer at the Gate (Official Audio)

[6] Jane Siberry & KD Lang - Calling All Angels

[7] David Sylvian - 'For The Love of Life'

[8] Madonna - Drowned World (William Orbit "A Reverie" Remix) [official]

[9] Peter Gabriel, Liz Fraser & Paul Buchanan - Downside Up (Later with Jools Holland, May 2000)

[10] The Psychedelic Furs - Heartbreak Beat (Official Video)

[11] Chelsea Wolfe - Everything Turns Blue (Official Music Video)

[12] Ryuichi Sakamoto - Heartbeat (Live)

[13] David Bowie – Sweet Thing-Candidate-Sweet Thing (Repr.) -Live at the Univ Amphitheatre- 1974

[14] PORTISHEAD - Sour Times - REMASTERED 2024

[15] Tracey Thorn - Nowhere Near

[16] Kit Sebastian - Lady Grinning Soul

[17] Binary - Ani DiFranco (Official Music Video)

[18] Paul Weller :: Soul Wandering [Official Lyric Video]

[19] MK, Dom Dolla - Rhyme Dust (Official Visualiser)

[20] Ani DiFranco "Asking Too Much"

[21] High and Dry - Radiohead (Cover by Kawehi) | Live from my Basement

[22] Roxy Music - Virginia Plain - Top Of The Pops - 24th August 1972

[23] Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark - Enola Gay (Official Music Video)

[24] Portishead - Glory Box

[25] Kit Sebastian - L'Addio (Official Music Video)

[26] Fanny - Ain't That Peculiar (1971) | LIVE

[27] Vegas featuring Siobhan Fahey - Walk Into the Wind (version 1)

[28] One Hundred Years - The Cure (2005 Remaster)

[29] DAVID GILMOUR with DAVID BOWIE 『 Comfortably Numb 』

[30] Who Knows Where The Time Goes? Fairport Convention

[31] Pixies - Monkey Gone to Heaven [1989]

[32] TOS2020 (single version) - Remission International The Mission UK MWIS - Official

[33] Sinéad O'Connor - Thank You For Hearing Me (Official Music Video) [HD]

"Play God"

- Ani DiFranco

LYRICS

I was done at 16

Showing up for class

I was out there in the ring

Learning how to kick some ass

I was done at 16

Using my momma's key

It was all on me

It was all on me

Weren't no free rides

Weren't no IOU's

I pulled my weight, yeah

I paid my dues

And I showed up to enlist

On the first day of recruits

How 'bout you?

How 'bout you

I'm my brother's keeper

Every chance I can

I pay my taxes

Like any working man

And I feel I've earned

My right to choose

You don't get to play God, man, I do

You don't get to play God, man, I do

You get to run the world

In your special way

You get much more

Much more than your say

Government, religion

It's all just patriarchy

I must insist you leave this one thing to me

Just leave this one thing to me

Just leave this one thing to me

Just leave this one thing

'Cause there's one thing that a man needs

To be truly free

This is the modern world

And that one thing is money

But there are two things

That a woman needs

Control over her own body

Yeah I pay the price

On top of everything

Each month a bill

Each month a reckoning

And each seed that dies

I cry and I bleed

So you can't tell me

You can't tell me

I am a soldier

It's my blood that flows

I'd give my life

So that this tree can grow

You don't know creation

Like I know

So you can't tell me

No you can't tell me

You can't tell me

You can't tell me

You get to run the world

In your special way

You get much more

Much more than your say

Government, religion

It's all just patriarchy

I must insist you leave this one thing to me

Just leave this one thing

Just leave this one thing to me

Just leave this one thing

'Cause I'm my brother's keeper

Every chance I can

I pay my taxes

Like any working man

And I feel I've earned

My right to choose

You don't get to play God, man, I do

You don't get to play God, man, I do

You don't get to play God, man, I do

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Ani Di Franco

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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2404.15 - 10:10
- Days ago = 3209 days ago
- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I plan to continue Hey Mom posts at least twice per week but will continue to post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.

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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2607.13 - 10:10

- Days ago: MOM = 4029 days ago & DAD = 4029 days ago

- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I post Hey Mom blog entries on special occasions. I post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day, and now I have a second count for Days since my Dad died on August 28, 2024. I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of Mom's death, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of her death and sometimes 13:40 EDT for the time of Dad's death. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3732 - The One With Tearing Up the Pope's Picture on SNL - Sinéad O'Connor

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3732 - The One With Tearing Up the Pope's Picture on SNL - Sinéad O'Connor

I have had this blog post scheduled since sometime in January when I was listening to Sinéad O'Connor's memoir Rememberings and loved what she had to say about tearing up the Pope's picture on SNL in 1992.

However, since then, just last week, the current Pope died.

I could have chosen to hold off on this post as it's hardly time sensitive in terms of being a current event.

And yet, because of the horrible actions of the Catholic church throughout history let alone in modern times, and the Pope's (all the popes) complicity in the horrors and the cover up of things like child sexual abuse by priests.

The Catholic church is a cult. It's toxic and destructive.

I make no apologies for my views or for the timing of this post.

I was watching this episode of Saturday Night Live when Sinéad O'Connor tore up the picture of the Pope.

Though I did not yet know about the sexual abuse perpetrated against children by Catholic priests and the cover up of it, I knew the long history of horrors committed by the Catholic church. "Good for her," I thought. I already admired Sinéad O'Connor immensely, and my admiration went sky-high with this action.

Not everyone agreed. She was hated and vilified by many. She was booed off the stage at Bob Dylan's birthday party at MSG soon after.

No apologies, no regrets. She takes all the abuse heaped on her because it's still nothing compared to what victims (though perhaps we should not use the word victims or even survivors) suffered at the hands of those evil priests and those who covered up what had happened.

She died too soon.

I wish she was still with us.

Here's the link to my previous Sinéad O'Connor post, which has links to most or all of my others about her.

Friday, February 7, 2025

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3643 - Blogging is My Prayer and Sinéad O'Connor

Thanks for tuning in.

Here's what she wrote about the SNL Pope picture incident in Rememberings:

THE DAY MY MOTHER DIED, myself and my siblings went inside her house for the first time in several years. Our own secrets to seek. Not hers. There were still broken plastic swans in the bathroom. Resolute. Long-necked. Frozen. As if nothing had happened. 

I took down from her bedroom wall the only photo she ever had up there, which was of Pope John Paul II. It was taken when he visited Ireland in 1979. “Young people of Ireland,” he had said after making a show of kissing the ground at the Dublin airport like the flight had been overly frightening, “I love you.” What a load of claptrap. Nobody loved us. Not even God. Sure, even our mothers and fathers couldn’t stand us. 

In 1978, Bob Geldof ripped up a photo of Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta on Top of the Pops because their shit record “Summer Nights” had been number one for seven weeks and finally Geldof’s Boomtown Rats’ single “Rat Trap” had taken over. 

My intention had always been to destroy my mother’s photo of the pope. It represented lies and liars and abuse. The type of people who kept these things were devils like my mother. I never knew when or where or how I would destroy it, but destroy it I would when the right moment came. And with that in mind, I carefully brought it everywhere I lived from that day forward. Because nobody ever gave a shit about the children of Ireland. 

I’ve woken after going to bed at six a.m. It’s one p.m. Only a few hours until camera rehearsal for SNL. I’m to perform two songs, the second of which is Bob Marley’s “War,” a cappella. The lyric is actually a speech given to the United Nations by the Ethiopian emperor Haile Selassie in New York in 1963 about racism being the cause of all wars. But I’m gonna change a few lines to be a declaration of war against child abuse. Because I’m pissed at Terry for what he told me last night. I’m pissed he’s been using kids to run drugs. 

And I’m pissed he’s gonna be dead by Monday. 

It also happens I’ve been pissed off for a few weeks because I’ve been reading The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail (a contrarian, blasphemous history of the early church) but also finding brief articles buried in the back pages of Irish newspapers about children who have been ravaged by priests but whose stories are not believed by the police or bishops their parents report it to. So I’ve been thinking even more of destroying my mother’s photo of JP2. And I decide tonight is the night. 

I bring the photo to the NBC studio and hide it in the dressing room. At the rehearsal, when I finish singing Bob Marley’s “War,” I hold up a photo of a Brazilian street kid who was killed by cops. I ask the cameraman to zoom in on the photo during the actual show. I don’t tell him what I have in mind for later on. Everyone’s happy. A dead child far away is no one’s problem. 

I know if I do this there’ll be war. But I don’t care. I know my Scripture. Nothing can touch me. I reject the world. Nobody can do a thing to me that hasn’t been done already. I can sing in the streets like I used to. It’s not like anyone will tear my throat out. 

Showtime. I’m wearing a white lace dress that once belonged to Sade. I bought it at a rock ’n’ roll auction in London when I was nineteen. Paid eight hundred pounds for it. It’s beautiful. There’s a coin-size lead weight in each side of the slit at the back, to keep it straight and make it hang ladylike. 

Very clever. A dress for women to behave badly in. One day maybe I will have a daughter who gets married in it. 

So the show goes on. First song, “Success Has Made a Failure of Our Home,” is a dream. Plenty of people milling about backstage afterward—producers, managers, makeup artists, and fellow guests. I’m the flavor of the month. Everyone wants to talk to me. Tell me how I’m a good girl. But I know I’m an impostor. 

Second song is set up beautifully. With one candle beside me and my Rasta prayer cloth tied to the microphone, I sing “War” a cappella. No one suspects a thing. But at the end, I don’t hold up the child’s picture. I hold up JP2’s photo and then rip it into pieces. I yell, “Fight the real enemy!” (I’m talking to those who are gonna kill Terry.) And I blow out the candle. 

Total stunned silence in the audience. And when I walk backstage, literally not a human being is in sight. All doors have closed. Everyone has vanished. Including my own manager, who locks himself in his room for three days and unplugs his phone. 

Everyone wants a pop star, see? But I am a protest singer. I just had stuff to get off my chest. I had no desire for fame. In fact, that’s why I chose the first song. “Success” was making a failure of my life. Because everyone was already calling me crazy for not acting like a pop star. For not worshipping fame. And I understand I’ve torn up the dreams of those around me. But those aren’t my dreams. No one ever asked me what my dreams were; they just got mad at me for not being who they wanted me to be. My own dream is only to keep the contract I made with God before I ever made one with the music business. And that’s a better fight than murder. I gotta get to the other side of life. 

I am in my dressing room with my personal assistant, Ciara. We pack up my bags and leave the building. Outside 30 Rock, two young men are waiting for me and they throw a load of eggs at us both. But what they don’t know is myself and Ciara are able to run a hundred meters in 11.3 seconds. So we run after them when they flee. We catch up with them in some alley. They are leaning, gasping for breath, against a black fence they didn’t have the strength to climb. All we say, laughing at them, is “Hey, don’t be throwing eggs at women.” The two of them are so shocked at being chased and caught that they start laughing too, and it all ends very friendly. They straighten up and help us find a cab back to the hotel. The matter is being discussed on the news and we learn I am banned from NBC for life. This hurts me a lot less than rapes hurt those Irish children. And a lot less than Terry dying. Which happens on the following Monday anyway.

O'Connor, Sinéad. Rememberings: Scenes from My Complicated Life (p. 180). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition. 

A LOT OF PEOPLE say or think that tearing up the pope’s photo derailed my career. That’s not how I feel about it. I feel that having a number-one record derailed my career and my tearing the photo put me back on the right track. I had to make my living performing live again. And that’s what I was born for. I wasn’t born to be a pop star. You have to be a good girl for that. Not be too troubled. 

I wasn’t comfortable with what other people called success because it meant I had to be as others wanted me to be. After SNL I could just be me. Do what I love. Be imperfect. Be mad, even. Anything. I don’t define success as having a good name or being wealthy. I define success by whether I keep the contract contract I made with the Holy Spirit before I made one with the music business. I never signed anything that said I would be a good girl. 

I have supported my four children for thirty-five years. I supported us by performing live, and I became, if I may say so, a very fine live performer. So, far from the pope episode destroying my career, it set me on a path that fit me better. I’m not a pop star. I’m just a troubled soul who needs to scream into mikes now and then. I don’t need to be number one. I don’t need to be liked. I don’t need to be welcome at the AMAs. I just need to pay my yearly overheads, get shit off my chest, and not compromise or prostitute myself spiritually. 

So no. It wasn’t derailed. It was re-railed. And I feel I’ve been extremely successful as a single mother providing for her children.

O'Connor, Sinéad. Rememberings: Scenes from My Complicated Life (pp. 181-182). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition. 

Sinéad O'Connor on ripping up Pope photo in 1992 SNL performance

CBC News

Jul 26, 2023

Sinéad O’Connor often made headlines, but one of the more memorable instances was when she tore up a photo of Pope John Paul II on Saturday Night Live in 1992, prompting public outcry. “I knew there would be an aftermath,” she told CBC's Mark Kelley in 2010, adding that knowledge of the misconduct in the church was more commonly known in Ireland than in North America.

Sinéad O'Connor Explains Tearing Pope Photo on SNL (Flashback)

Entertainment Tonight

Jul 26, 2023

Sinéad O'Connor told ET why she ripped up a photo of Pope John Paul II during 'Saturday Night Live' in October 1992. Less than two weeks after the move made headlines, the 'Nobody Compares 2 U' singer reflected on the controversial stunt in a sit-down interview, explaining why she chose not to inform anyone at 'SNL' ahead of her performance. The Irish music icon said she was abused as a child, which led to her speak out against the Vatican on the sketch comedy series. On Wednesday, ET learned O'Connor died at the age of 56.

The bravery and sincerity of Sinead O'Connor's controversial performance. Ladies & Gentlemen... 50 Years of SNL Music is streaming now. #SNL #SNL50 #SaturdayNightLive #SineadOConnor #Documentary

@peacock The bravery and sincerity of Sinead O'Connor's controversial performance. Ladies & Gentlemen... 50 Years of SNL Music is streaming now. #SNL #SNL50 #SaturdayNightLive #SineadOConnor #Documentary ♬ Peacock_LadiesAndGentlemen_SineadOConnor - Peacock

https://time.com/6298448/the-controversial-saturday-night-live-performance-that-made-sinead-oconnor-an-icon/
Mahita Gajanan

July 26, 2023 5:14 PM EDT

The Irish singer Sinéad O'Connor has died at the age of 56, her family said in a statement on Wednesday. With a stirring voice, O'Connor rose to fame in 1990 in part through her cover of Prince’s hit song "Nothing Compares 2 U," which went on to earn three Grammy nominations and put the artist at the forefront of the pop scene. She became known for working against the grain—showing off her shaved head after a record executive advised her to appear more feminine, for example, reflecting a lifelong refusal to conform to typical feminine beauty standards. She also used her platform to speak out on issues ranging from human rights to Irish politics to mental health, even when doing so jeopardized her career.

But perhaps the most memorable public statement she made came in the fall of 1992, when O'Connor ripped up a photo of Pope John Paul II while performing on Saturday Night Live in an unwavering protest against child sex abuse in the Catholic Church. The move sparked worldwide outrage, and assertions that O'Connor had completely ruined her future. But she stood behind her actions. "Everyone wants a pop star, see?" she wrote in her 2021 memoir, Rememberings. "But I am a protest singer. I just had stuff to get off my chest. I had no desire for fame."

The story behind Sinead O'Connor's 1992 SNL performance

O'Connor appeared as the musical guest on SNL on Oct. 3, 1992. As planned, she sang an a cappella cover of Bob Marley's "War" for the night's closing performance. But she veered off plan at the end of the song, when she replaced some lyrics with the words "child abuse" and held up a photo of Pope John Paul II and tore it into pieces, looking straight into the camera. "Fight the real enemy," she said.

Right after, SNL producer Lorne Michaels reportedly ordered the "Applause" sign in the studio be turned off, leading to silence in the room. By this point in her career, O'Connor was known for speaking out and taking action: she had previously refused to play "The Star-Spangled Banner" before a show and boycotted the Grammy Awards the year she was nominated, writing a letter to the Recording Academy that the awards “acknowledge mostly the commercial side of art” and “respect mostly material gain.”

But the SNL moment took O'Connor's reputation to a new level—prompting intensely felt responses. NBC banned O'Connor from SNL for life, and the show would later wrap her actions into its own jokes. Joe Pesci, appearing as host the following Saturday, said, "If it was my show, I would have gave her such a smack." Madonna, performing that night, mocked O'Connor, ripping up a photo of Joey Buttafuoco, who earlier that year had become something of a celebrity following a high-profile scandal. A couple weeks later, O'Connor was booed at a Bob Dylan tribute concert at Madison Square Garden, where she performed "War" again.

Speaking with the New York Times in 2021, O'Connor said she had no regrets, though the backlash was overwhelming. "I'm not sorry I did it. It was brilliant. But it was very traumatizing. It was open season on treating me like a crazy b-tch."

How history looks back on that performance

More than 30 years since her appearance on SNL, performers using their art to speak out about politics and social issues has become the norm, to the point where many fans expect artists to use their platforms to advocate for causes. Whether she meant to or not, O'Connor helped carve a path for female artists, especially, to speak out despite the likelihood of public criticism and professional consequences. Artists from Fiona Apple to Bono have called her a hero and an inspiration.

In Rememberings, O'Connor wrote that her protest against the Catholic Church was personally clarifying—even if from the outside, it might have looked like everything was falling apart in her world. "I feel that having a No. 1 record derailed my career,” she wrote. “And my tearing the photo put me back on the right track.” 

As a protest singer, leading the charts and reaching the peak of popularity was not where O'Connor wanted to be. Her goal, she maintained, was always to "force a conversation where there was a need for one."

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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2505.07 - 10:10

- Days ago: MOM = 3597 days ago & DAD = 251 days ago

- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I post Hey Mom blog entries on special occasions. I post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day, and now I have a second count for Days since my Dad died on August 28, 2024. I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of Mom's death, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of her death and sometimes 13:40 EDT for the time of Dad's death. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3643 - Blogging is My Prayer and Sinéad O'Connor

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3643 - Blogging is My Prayer and Sinéad O'Connor


FROM REMBERINGS pg. 278:

And so I recently finished listening to Sinéad O'Connor's memoir, Remberings, which is extra special as an audio book because she narrates it, and her thick Irish brogue makes the experience all the more authentic in addition to the fact that she died in 2022, so now it's a voice from the past.

Her transformation (or she would have probably said awakening) as a Muslim is potent and barely explored in the book because she did not expect to die a year after its publication. She said that Islam feels like home. Actually, she wouldn't say "awakening," she said that the Muslims call it reverting because it's coming home.

So she was painting the Scriptures. She even mentions that when she "shuffles off this mortal coil" she wants all the people to whom she has given a painting to gather all together and have an exhibition.

A cursory Internet search did not turn up any plans for such an exhibition that I could find. Had she given me a painting, I would host such a show.

At the sixty day mark since Dad died, I featured one of her reggae covers in a post about grief:

Monday, October 28, 2024

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3540 - 60 DAYS since Dad left and MUSIC MONDAY - "DownPressor Man"

I have posted about Sinéad O'Connor enough times that I made a Sinéad O'Connor category for the blog:

Monday, August 21, 2023

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3107 - Sinéad O'Connor RIP - a Tribute - Music Monday for August 21, 2023

Wednesday, July 26, 2023

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3081 - Sinéad O'Connor RIP - SoD Reprint of #1460 from 2019 Music Mix

Monday, July 31, 2023

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3086 - "Thank You For Hearing Me" - Sinéad O'Connor RIP - Music Monday for July 31, 2023

Monday, August 7, 2023

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3093 - "Something Beautiful" - Sinéad O'Connor - Music Monday for 2308.07

One of these days, I will make a post of best concerts I have ever seen, and surely Sinéad O'Connor's show that I saw will be in the top five. She was an amazing performer. Just mind-blowing. Though I love so many of her albums and so much of her music, her reggae album Throw Down Your Arms, which is the tour I saw her in concert, is my favorite.

She writes that painting is her way of praying and that "praying in another language is like singing."

That really struck me as I have always felt that writing is like prayer. I very much identified with flow theory, state of flow.

Meditation and prayer are closely aligned; some might say that they are the same thing.

For me, this blog is my daily practice, my daily mantra, my daily prayer and meditation.

Sometimes it is wholly my thing.

Sometimes it is mostly written by someone else.

Sometimes it is just a picture upon which I have fixed my focus, on which I am meditating.

For this reason, I maintain a daily schedule, and I try not to get too many days behind as that confounds the daily practice, daily prayer and meditation.

At times, these writings feel like songs, like I am singing.

I am often deep in the flow, feeling the lap and lick of tides and waves, eddies and currents.

My blog is the delta, directing the great flow of what cascades down to the causeway, emptying into the universe.

Maybe Sinéad would like what I have written. I wish I had met her.

I find Sinéad O'Connor enormously inspiring, and though I doubt I will "revert" to being Muslim, I find her spiritual journey fascinating and edifying.

This ends my prayer.

Amen.

Thanks for tuning in.

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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2502.07 - 10:10

- Days ago: MOM = 3508 days ago & DAD = 163 days ago

- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I post Hey Mom blog entries on special occasions. I post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day, and now I have a second count for Days since my Dad died on August 28, 2024. I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of Mom's death, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of her death and sometimes 13:40 EDT for the time of Dad's death. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3540 - 60 DAYS since Dad left and MUSIC MONDAY - "DownPressor Man"

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3540 - 60 DAYS since Dad left and MUSIC MONDAY - "DownPressor Man"

Yesterday was the 60th day since Dad died, so I set the post's publication time to the time of his death -- 13:40 EDT, though I post in PDT, so really it should be 16:40.

Also, I delayed one day to write this on a Music Monday and share a song that I was listening to the other day Sinéad O'Connor's cover of Peter Tosh's "Downpressor Man," which seemed to strike a chord with me and my emotional landscape. "Downpressor Man" is itself a revision of "Sinner Man," which Nina Simone covered. There's no real connection to losing my Dad here. The song is a political statement and has apocalyptic imagery. I just found the emotional weight of the song to be a point of connection with my experience.

Originally, I was going to post my 60th day grief round-up yesterday when I was posting also about basketball player LeBron James wanting comics, so I grabbed a picture of Dad and me at a Detroit Pistons game in 2016. I like the picture, so I kept it.

ALSO, a good time to mention (again) that my blog was selected by a scholar at Deakin University in  Australia to be part of a study in how some people cope with the grief of parents with blogging. Just like me.

So, now, SIXTY days out, I can say that reality is starting to sink in. It's really starting to hit me that Dad is gone, that both my parents are gone.

Luckily, I am married with kids and dogs and have many friends.

My community back in Michigan made such a huge difference in dealing with the early days of Dad's death.

My family is also a great comfort.

Grief takes many forms. The Five Stages made famous by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross are not linear or even experienced by every one. But they are emotional states that flow through you and fold back on themselves and repeat and bloom and decay.

For instance, ANGER.

I also have some anger at Dad for dying. He moved out of his condo and into Friendship Village sooner than I thought he would, than he thought he would. Then he died sooner. This was true of Mom, too. We thought she would live with the progressive supranuclear bulbar palsy or PSP. But she didn't. It was a little over a year from the diagnosis to her death.

Dad also declined much faster than I thought he would. I have made peace with the choice I made to stay and finish the quarter before flying to Michigan. But part of me wishes I had gone sooner.

There's enough time with those we love.

We have a difficult time believing what has happened.

I think DENIAL is a misleading stage. I have not been in denial, but there's levels. Intellectually and rationally, I understand what happened. Emotionally, I am still trying to understand it.

Maybe denial is about the grief. I think I am okay, and then suddenly, I am NOT okay.

And so we bargain, what if we had done things differently? What if Dad had not come down with Covid? What if he was pushed to walk and had not developed pneumonia? What if I had gotten there sooner? What if he had recovered?

I even thought he might graduate from hospice when there were hopeful signs or him eating or drinking and his health seemed to improve.

Those bargains.

And then, still, I just don't FEEL like he's gone, but then I do, but then I don't. It's my struggle to accept what has happened.

I keep thinking of things I want to call Dad and tell him about. And then I remember that I cannot. So, I just talk to him.

And every night, I remind Ellory, my black lab, that she loved grandpa and grandpa loved her, that we are never going to forget grandpa. That seems to help a little.

People often talk of moving on, letting go, as signs of acceptance. And, sure, like with my Mom, I stopped writing about, but I did call the blog HEY MOM for THREE YEARS. I needed three years to feel all right with NOT talking to my Mom every day.

I decided not to retitle the blog HEY DAD. Not that I do not miss talking to him, but I did that already. I am handling things differently this time.

Nevertheless, I remember a friend of mine writing on my Facebook wall in response to a post about 80 days after Mom died that it was time to stop now. Stop the "public display of grief." People think they are helping if they see that someone is not letting go, not moving on, not accepting.

But most people do not read my blog. They just see the post, the picture, the title. That's it. What that friend did not see is that I was not writing about grief every day. I was writing about my life.

MY LIFE.

And if I was writing about grief every day?

So what?

That would be what I wanted to do.

The whole blog journey really started, the original daily posts on the t-shirts blog, when I found out I had prostate cancer.

My attitude before the cancer was self-conscious. Fear of looking like a narcissist.

My attitude after learning I had cancer was lack of self-consciousness. I didn't give a FUCK what people thought about my blog. I was going to do it because I HAD FUCKING CANCER.

Same self-actualized concept applies here.

We really do not move on or let go.

We just integrate.

The grief becomes less of a sharp pain, but it's there, like the planetary core. It's there. We just find ways to live with it. I refrained from writing "learn" to live with it. I am not sure we learn it; we just live and carry the grief with us in our own way.

And that's the thing about grief, it's individual.

Everyone will grieve. All of us will lose those we love, and we will grieve them. 

I was not close with my relatives.

And though I had some friends die when I was young (one killed himself), my parents have been the greatest losses so far.

I had a friend say that losing the first parent is the hardest and the next one is easier. At first, I agreed with her. Now, I am not so sure.

This one is hard, too, but in a different way. The grief runs silent and deep, but then it sends its torpedoes up from the depth to blind-side me.

We all grieve differently. 

Some refuse the grief. They deny it. They repress it. They use a story to believe that their loved ones are in Heaven.

I am not saying that the story is not true, but I think that's a mechanism to avoid dealing with one's feelings of grief. It's a form of repression. The grief will still be there.

My grief experiences are unique but also not unique. They are unique as they are mine, and so there are elements to them that are individual and distinct. But they are not unique in that we will all experience grief.

There's no right way to grieve and no wrong way. Anything goes as one attempts to cope with a significant loss and keep living in the wake of that storm. Often foundational structures will be shattered, will crumble, and will have to be rebuilt. Some may endure, steadfast, stalwart, tenacious.

I don't have the answer.

I am still trying to figure out the questions.

Thanks for tuning in. 

I am probably back with more thoughts at 100 days December Sixth.

COUNTDOWN!!!

https://www.270towin.com/2024-countdown-clock/

007 DAYS TO THE ELECTION

Well, upon reflection, maybe the lyrics of this song and O'Connor's impassioned delivery connected to my grief that at times feels apocalyptic.

She's speaking to: "where are you gonna fucking run to?"

I always "ran" to my parents, relied on them, needed them, long into my adult years.

Now what?

sinéad o'connor - downpressor man

Where you gonna run to 

Downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Oh... along that day 

If you run to the sea 

The sea will be boiling 

If you run to the sea 

The sea will be boiling 

If you run to the sea 

The sea will be boiling 

Oh... along that day 

Downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Oh... along that day 

If you run to the rocks 

The rocks will be melting 

If you run to the rocks 

The rocks will be melting 

If you run to the rocks 

The rocks will be melting 

Oh... along that day 

Downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Tell me downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Oh... along that day 

And if you make your bed in hell 

I will be there 

Make your bed in hell 

I will be there 

I said, make your bed in hell 

I will be there 

Oh... along that day 

Downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Tell me downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Oh... along that day 

If you run to the rocks 

The rocks will be melting 

If you run to the rocks 

The rocks will be melting 

If you run to the rocks 

The rocks will be melting 

Oh... along that day 

Downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Downpressor man 

Where you gonna run to 

Oh... along that day

Where you gonna fucking run to

Downpressor man

Where you gonna fucking run to

“Downpressor Man” is a song by Peter Tosh that conveys a message about the suffering that elites who exploit others will eventually face. The song's title comes from a Rastafarian reworking of the word "oppressor". The song's moral is directed at the social inequality that remained in Jamaica after it gained independence from Great Britain in 1962. 

The song's lyrics repeatedly ask "where you gonna run to?" to remind people of their connection to the world and the suffering they will inevitably endure because of their actions. 

Here are some other details about the song:

• It was originally an African American spiritual song. 
• It moved through spiritual revivals, the US folk revival movement, and big band recordings. 
It was recorded for Tosh's 1977 album Equal Rights. 
Tosh sang lead vocals on the song, and Bunny Wailer sang background. 
An instrumental version was also released. 

THOUGHTS on lyric meaning HERE (can't copy the text)

https://guardian.ng/opinion/apocalyptic-metaphors-in-downpressor-man/

February 2, 2022

Peter Tosh and, "Downpressor Man," and the Song's Unexpected Journey.

Peter's rendition of the song has a lot in common with Nina's version, but key differences show how Peter adapted the song to say what he needed it to say. In fact, there were two versions; one recorded with the Wailers in 1971 and one recorded for Equal Rights; both featured subtle but important changes to the lyrics that made Peter's versions distinctly his.

The most compelling change to the lyrics in "Downpressor Man" is the change in perspective from first- to third-person. In earlier recordings, the song retained its more introspective take on sin, speaking about one individual's personal sins and relating them to their consequences using phrases like "I ran to the rock" and "I ran to the sea." The connection to oppression as sin is implied; the urgency of Nina's performance communicates it. In Peter's version, the statement is more direct (the term "downpressor" itself comes from a Rastafarian reworking of "oppressor"); "YOU can run to the rock," and "YOU can run to the sea." By changing the perspective of the narrator in the song, the message shifts from the personal to the communal; instead of personal sin, these sins are societal, and outside the self.

In many instances, we are asked to take songs as they are, as the expression of one songwriter to a listener. In the case of "Downpressor Man," Peter Tosh used a well-known song, popularized by musicians that were already fighting for social justice, to make a statement about the political, social, and economic injustices he saw in Jamaica. The complex history of "Sinner Man" and "Downpressor Man" doesn't undercut the message of the song at any point in its history; if anything, it makes the message more potent. Peter's adaptation shows how a cover song can reinvent the message and influence people differently from its inspiration, and it's not the only one. If there's a song with a powerful message, it's worth taking the time to understand where it came from -- especially if it's a cover.

Margaret Jones is a multi-instrumentalist, songwriter, and music teacher living in Oakland, CA. She plays guitar in several local bands including her own songwriting project M Jones and the Melee. She also holds a Ph.D. in Music History from UC Berkeley and has taught at the San Francisco Conservatory of Music.

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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2410.28 - 10:10

- Days ago: MOM = 3405 days ago & DAD = 061days ago

posted at 1:40 p.m. today for the time of Dad's death

- New note started on 2410.28 - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I post Hey Mom blog entries on special occasions. I post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day, and now I have a second count for Days since my Dad died on August 28, 2024. I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of Mom's death, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of her death and sometimes 13:40 EDT for the time of Dad's death. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.