Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1042 - Mother's Day 2018

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1042 - Mother's Day 2018

Hi Mom,

I should have managed this post on Mother's Day instead of four days later. Though maybe it's more fitting that I did not work on this blog on Mother's Day and instead spent much of the day with one of the greatest mothers I know, my wife, who is just so cool as a Mom.

We went to URBAN FONDUE, which everyone enjoyed very much, though food was all so rich food comas ensued, at least for me, who was extra tired as it was the second day after my return, usually the day I am most tired after a trip.

In addition to being a great mother to her kids, my wife is a great mother to our dogs, pictured here in a photo she took (though the next day, not Mother's Day).

Ellory Queen Tower (L) and Satchel Paige Tower (R)

I had just planned to reprint last year's Mother's Day posting.

But I do have a couple of thoughts to share.

2018 marks my third Mother's Day without you, Mom, and I must say it's getting easier. Sure, I was sad. Sure, I miss you. I definitely thought of you. But I did not break down in tears like I did last year, I did not feel the lodestone anchor drag of depression, I was okay. Sure, I wish you were still with us, even in your last debilitated state, which is selfish of me, so probably it's just an emotional wish that when considered I would reject.

My other thought is that when I think of you, Mom, and I think of your legacy, what you gave to me, I think of how to be loving. I consider myself a very loving person, and I have fierce and unconditional love for my family, not just Dad and Lori, my sister, and her husband, but my immediate family, my wife, our kids, our dogs, our life together.

Though I am very aware of my own imperfections at showing my love and truly trying to appreciate my family unconditionally, because it does take effort to rise above petty annoyance and the day-to-day drudgery of trying to exist and keep things together, I do feel that you showed me by example, Mom, and you taught me by placing the highest value on how we love, being loving, living our lives as loving people. This is the greatest gift you could possibly have given me, Mom, because love is the greatest act that we can perform in our lives.

And so, I love my family very much. This may not be a unique thing. I would expect most people to confess to loving their families. Also, there are people out there who do a better job of showing it, owning it, living it than I do. But at least, I try, and I identify short-comings and work to improve them. I feel that effort counts for a lot.

Thanks, Mom.

Here's the link to last year's Mother's Day post with the content to follow.

Mother's Day 2017 - Hey Mom #677

Mother's Day 1976

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #677 - Mother's Day 2017

Hi Mom,

Happy Mother's Day. This is our second Mother's Day without you, Mom.

When putting this blog together, I actually went looking for both 2016 entries and 2015 entries. This is how time obfuscates memory. I caught my error quickly enough. You died on July 4th, 2015 at 10:10 a.m., and so there would not be a 2015 entry. I actually spent time with you while you were still alive on Mother's Day 2015. You weren't even actively dying yet, but you were declining.

I have been wanting to write about how I have moved on in regards to grief, Mom. Sure, I am still grieving, but it's not constant and it's not crippling. I am concerned that readers will think that by continuing my HEY MOM series that I am holding on, clinging, obsessed, looking for sympathy.

Not the case.

My loss, losing you, Mom, is not more unique than all the others who have lost parents, loved ones, and far less tragic than losses of young children.

But loss is loss, and measuring one loss against another seems like splitting hairs. It may serve a good purpose in validating someone's loss -- say of a young adult after his first semester at college as a friend of mine experienced late last year -- but not really useful in other ways. Because loss is loss, and we must all learn to live with it because we will lose people. It's inevitable.

I thought I had something more prosaic and heart-felt for Mother's Day last year, but apparently I went with short comments on some photos in a trilogy of posts and then  a follow-up Throwback Thursday.

Here's the links to those. I would rather present them this way than my usual re-publishing of the content.

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #304 - Mother's Day Trilogy Part One

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #305 - Mother's Day Trilogy Part Two

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #306 - Mother's Day Trilogy Part Three

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #310 - Mother's Day 2010 - Throwback Thursday

Instead of prosaic and sentimental ruminations here, beyond what I have already written, I will instead add to the very first entry with an update about moving on.

I am still sad sometimes.

I grieve, Mom.

But I am living life and enjoying life and that's what you would want me to do.

And I know that because I hear you tell me with that voice in my head in a thousand ways throughout the year.

Here's the permanent dedicated link to my first Hey, Mom! post and the explanation of the feature it contains.

HEY, MOM #1

But I will share a photo gallery because pictures speak volumes.

MY MOM - A MOTHER'S DAY PHOTO GALLERY

Christmas with grand parents Tower 1975

My birthday January 1969

Scout trip March 11 1972 Planetarium Kalamazoo

Me and Mom - Hazelwood - pregnant with Lori - I am 7.5 yrs

church photo 1974

Long Lake - 1971

Lori's birthday August 1971

Easter 1973

Mom's birthday 1970

Christmas 1972

Mom 1962 - me 3.5 months

Mom's at Dad's 50th bday - 1985

1995

2012

2002

1976

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Reflect and connect.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

I miss you so very much, Mom.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 679 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1705.14 - 10:10 (my time)

NOTE on time: When I post late, I had been posting at 7:10 a.m. because Google is on Pacific Time, and so this is really 10:10 EDT. However, it still shows up on the blog in Pacific time. So, I am going to start posting at 10:10 a.m. Pacific time, intending this to be 10:10 Eastern time. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom. But I am not going back and changing all the 7:10 a.m. times. But I will run this note for a while. Mom, you know that I am posting at 10:10 a.m. often because this is the time of your death.

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Reflect and connect.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you, Mom.

I miss you so very much, Mom.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 1044 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1805.13 - 10:10

NEW (written 1708.27) NOTE on time: I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of your death, Mom, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of your death, Mom. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom.

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #873 - Cannon Beach - A Day at the Coast

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #873 - Cannon Beach - A Day at the Coast

Hi Mom,

On the last full day that Ivan and Will were staying with us, we drove over to the Pacific Ocean and down to Cannon Beach.

To the left, there's a great photo of our immediate family though Will and Adam (also with us) are defacto members of our family, and we're very close with them.

This was an important day for us as a family because other than Thanksgiving it was the only thing we all did together. It was the only thing we did outside the home all together, and I needed to get out of the home. Working at home as I do, and taking care of the dogs, I spend a lot of time at home.

I am more isolated up in Woodland than I was in Kalamazoo. It's easy enough to get out, but not easy to get into Vancouver or Portland for any length of time because of work and the dogs, and so I begin to feel a little like a shut in. It's a situation I am working to change. So, it was great to break away from the work-pet-laundry-home cycle and get out, if just for the drive alone. But even better are the people (and puppies) I spent the day with and the power of the Pacific Ocean. It's majestic, and claiming that it's majestic does not do it justice.

It was a good day.

We happened to time the rain just right. It more or less stopped raining as we hit the beach, and by the time it started to rain again in earnest, we had seen enough and taken enough pictures.

The dogs were run about a lot and stuck their noses in everything.

On the way home, we ate at Ruby's Roadside Grill in Seaside, OR, and they even have a dog menu. The dogs each had a chicken breast. Satchel almost bit me in her excitement to eat her chicken in one massive gulp.

But for us, Ruby's has tremendously delicious burgers. Really an outstanding place. A serve yourself style diner with beer and wine, so that's a bonus. Also, amazing CHOWDER.

This video below is just sounds of the waves. But the ocean's susurrus is very calming.

Following the ocean waves are many sundry photos of our family afternoon at Cannon Beach. Some are candid shots of various family members with the dogs. Others are just the waves or the great rock at this particular beach.

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Reflect and connect.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you, Mom.

I miss you so very much, Mom.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago =  875 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1711.26 - 10:10

NEW (written 1708.27) NOTE on time: I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of your death, Mom, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of your death, Mom. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom.

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #369 - Piper's 21st Birthday

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #369 - Piper's 21st Birthday

Hi Mom, It's Piper's birthday!! She is 21 years of age.

She started her life as a legal drinker at just after midnight on July 10th, Sunday morning, and enjoyed legal drinks the rest of the day. As seen above, we took her out for dinner at Martini's. Yum.

I don't think you ever made it to Martini's, Mom. Wish you could have been there.

Here's some other Facebook posts for posterity.

Happy Birthday to my awesome step-daughter. I love you.

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Reflect and connect.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

I miss you so very much, Mom.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 371 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1607.10 - 10:10

NOTE on time: When I post late, I had been posting at 7:10 a.m. because Google is on Pacific Time, and so this is really 10:10 EDT. However, it still shows up on the blog in Pacific time. So, I am going to start posting at 10:10 a.m. Pacific time, intending this to be 10:10 Eastern time. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom. But I am not going back and changing all the 7:10 a.m. times. But I will run this note for a while. Mom, you know that I am posting at 10:10 a.m. often because this is the time of your death.

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #325 - Piper's Recital

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #325 - Piper's Recital

Hi Mom, So, Liesel and I went to Piper's recital last night. Below find the comments she made on Facebook and I shared and the video that has "extra" effects added by her father.

This kind of thing is actually the kind of show and tell I would have done with you when you were alive. I felt you very strongly over my shoulder at the recital, and now, as I type these words, I feel you very strongly also.

We are all very proud of Piper. She is very talented, which is what I told her. She has started auditioning for roles in area theatre. I have encouraged her. She has a beautiful voice as you will hear.

Reflect and connect.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.


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- Days ago = 327 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1605.27 - 10:10

NOTE on time: When I post late, I had been posting at 7:10 a.m. because Google is on Pacific Time, and so this is really 10:10 EDT. However, it still shows up on the blog in Pacific time. So, I am going to start posting at 10:10 a.m. Pacific time, intending this to be 10:10 Eastern time. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom. But I am not going back and changing all the 7:10 a.m. times. But I will run this note for a while. Mom, you know that I am posting at 10:10 a.m. often because this is the time of your death.