Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1042 - Mother's Day 2018

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1042 - Mother's Day 2018

Hi Mom,

I should have managed this post on Mother's Day instead of four days later. Though maybe it's more fitting that I did not work on this blog on Mother's Day and instead spent much of the day with one of the greatest mothers I know, my wife, who is just so cool as a Mom.

We went to URBAN FONDUE, which everyone enjoyed very much, though food was all so rich food comas ensued, at least for me, who was extra tired as it was the second day after my return, usually the day I am most tired after a trip.

In addition to being a great mother to her kids, my wife is a great mother to our dogs, pictured here in a photo she took (though the next day, not Mother's Day).

Ellory Queen Tower (L) and Satchel Paige Tower (R)

I had just planned to reprint last year's Mother's Day posting.

But I do have a couple of thoughts to share.

2018 marks my third Mother's Day without you, Mom, and I must say it's getting easier. Sure, I was sad. Sure, I miss you. I definitely thought of you. But I did not break down in tears like I did last year, I did not feel the lodestone anchor drag of depression, I was okay. Sure, I wish you were still with us, even in your last debilitated state, which is selfish of me, so probably it's just an emotional wish that when considered I would reject.

My other thought is that when I think of you, Mom, and I think of your legacy, what you gave to me, I think of how to be loving. I consider myself a very loving person, and I have fierce and unconditional love for my family, not just Dad and Lori, my sister, and her husband, but my immediate family, my wife, our kids, our dogs, our life together.

Though I am very aware of my own imperfections at showing my love and truly trying to appreciate my family unconditionally, because it does take effort to rise above petty annoyance and the day-to-day drudgery of trying to exist and keep things together, I do feel that you showed me by example, Mom, and you taught me by placing the highest value on how we love, being loving, living our lives as loving people. This is the greatest gift you could possibly have given me, Mom, because love is the greatest act that we can perform in our lives.

And so, I love my family very much. This may not be a unique thing. I would expect most people to confess to loving their families. Also, there are people out there who do a better job of showing it, owning it, living it than I do. But at least, I try, and I identify short-comings and work to improve them. I feel that effort counts for a lot.

Thanks, Mom.

Here's the link to last year's Mother's Day post with the content to follow.

Mother's Day 2017 - Hey Mom #677

Mother's Day 1976

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #677 - Mother's Day 2017

Hi Mom,

Happy Mother's Day. This is our second Mother's Day without you, Mom.

When putting this blog together, I actually went looking for both 2016 entries and 2015 entries. This is how time obfuscates memory. I caught my error quickly enough. You died on July 4th, 2015 at 10:10 a.m., and so there would not be a 2015 entry. I actually spent time with you while you were still alive on Mother's Day 2015. You weren't even actively dying yet, but you were declining.

I have been wanting to write about how I have moved on in regards to grief, Mom. Sure, I am still grieving, but it's not constant and it's not crippling. I am concerned that readers will think that by continuing my HEY MOM series that I am holding on, clinging, obsessed, looking for sympathy.

Not the case.

My loss, losing you, Mom, is not more unique than all the others who have lost parents, loved ones, and far less tragic than losses of young children.

But loss is loss, and measuring one loss against another seems like splitting hairs. It may serve a good purpose in validating someone's loss -- say of a young adult after his first semester at college as a friend of mine experienced late last year -- but not really useful in other ways. Because loss is loss, and we must all learn to live with it because we will lose people. It's inevitable.

I thought I had something more prosaic and heart-felt for Mother's Day last year, but apparently I went with short comments on some photos in a trilogy of posts and then  a follow-up Throwback Thursday.

Here's the links to those. I would rather present them this way than my usual re-publishing of the content.

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #304 - Mother's Day Trilogy Part One

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #305 - Mother's Day Trilogy Part Two

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #306 - Mother's Day Trilogy Part Three

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #310 - Mother's Day 2010 - Throwback Thursday

Instead of prosaic and sentimental ruminations here, beyond what I have already written, I will instead add to the very first entry with an update about moving on.

I am still sad sometimes.

I grieve, Mom.

But I am living life and enjoying life and that's what you would want me to do.

And I know that because I hear you tell me with that voice in my head in a thousand ways throughout the year.

Here's the permanent dedicated link to my first Hey, Mom! post and the explanation of the feature it contains.

HEY, MOM #1

But I will share a photo gallery because pictures speak volumes.

MY MOM - A MOTHER'S DAY PHOTO GALLERY

Christmas with grand parents Tower 1975

My birthday January 1969

Scout trip March 11 1972 Planetarium Kalamazoo

Me and Mom - Hazelwood - pregnant with Lori - I am 7.5 yrs

church photo 1974

Long Lake - 1971

Lori's birthday August 1971

Easter 1973

Mom's birthday 1970

Christmas 1972

Mom 1962 - me 3.5 months

Mom's at Dad's 50th bday - 1985

1995

2012

2002

1976

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Reflect and connect.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

I miss you so very much, Mom.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 679 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1705.14 - 10:10 (my time)

NOTE on time: When I post late, I had been posting at 7:10 a.m. because Google is on Pacific Time, and so this is really 10:10 EDT. However, it still shows up on the blog in Pacific time. So, I am going to start posting at 10:10 a.m. Pacific time, intending this to be 10:10 Eastern time. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom. But I am not going back and changing all the 7:10 a.m. times. But I will run this note for a while. Mom, you know that I am posting at 10:10 a.m. often because this is the time of your death.

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Reflect and connect.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you, Mom.

I miss you so very much, Mom.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 1044 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1805.13 - 10:10

NEW (written 1708.27) NOTE on time: I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of your death, Mom, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of your death, Mom. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom.