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| July 4th 2016 - 10:10 a.m. |
Hi Mom, So here we are. One year ago today. Even though I am writing this after the fact, at 10:10 a.m. the moment of your death, I stopped my bike ride, took some pictures and remembered you.I have an alarm on my phone set for 10:10 a.m. every day. It's not that a day would go by when I did not think of you. But the alarm helps me to remember to acknowledge that specific moment. And I do. Every day.
So, as I have been sharing in the last few blog entries, I set myself a series of fun things to do in these days leading up to today, including today. If Liesel had been here, the time would have been very different and filled with different sorts of activities. I miss Liesel, but I am also happy with the choices I made for how I am dealing with the one year anniversary of your death, Mom.
So, for the fourth day of this extended time off from work and coping mechanism of what I have called Memorial Therapy, I asked Liesel's step mom, Sue Creager, to ride the Kal-Haven trail with me from Kalamazoo to South Haven, which is about 35 miles. We had done this two years ago, also, but now Sue is 70 years old, so this is an achievement for her as well. Though Sue is in much better biking shape than I am. She rides all the time, so she was fine.
Though I had not consciously considered the symbolic nature of riding a path through nature, obviously my unconscious mind did.
You were not a big nature person, Mom. You liked nature, but only when it did not mess up your hair or interfere with how you were put together. So, like my other things, I chose to do this for me, because it's what I like to do, not because it is something you would have done.
I feel very close to you around trees and sky and sun. You murmur to me in forest however small it may be. I feel a strong connection to you there.
And so the road. This picture above and left is not from 10:10 a.m. but I like the bridge.
I also took a video (below).
I am moving on, Mom. I have to. Life made me move on. It did not stop for me. I had to keep aloft in its current. I have moved on, I am moving, I am riding off into the woods and the next and to the next stop to look both ways before crossing into the next section of trail.
And you are with me. I carry you with me. You are a voice in my heart, in my head, through my soul. I feel our love for each other very strongly every day in different places and for different reasons, but it's there, and it never goes away.
Though I will never forget you, though I will never stop missing you, though a day will never go by when I do not think of you, I go on. I keep pedaling. I ride ahead.
I stopped at 10:10 a.m. in memory of you, Mom.
It was very bright behind us.
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| July 4th 2016 - 10:10 a.m. |
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| July 4th 2016 - 10:10 a.m. |
It was the perfect thing for me to do on this day.
Thanks to Sue Creager for being my riding partner.
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Reflect and connect.
Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
I miss you so very much, Mom.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.
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- Days ago = 365 days ago
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1607.04 - 10;10
NOTE on time: When I post late, I had been posting at 7:10 a.m. because Google is on Pacific Time, and so this is really 10:10 EDT. However, it still shows up on the blog in Pacific time. So, I am going to start posting at 10:10 a.m. Pacific time, intending this to be 10:10 Eastern time. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom. But I am not going back and changing all the 7:10 a.m. times. But I will run this note for a while. Mom, you know that I am posting at 10:10 a.m. often because this is the time of your death.
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