Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #366 - Last Year's Tributes - Throwback Thursday
Hi Mom, I promise to get off the reflection on grief subject soon.
I experienced quite a bit of grief and pain as we entered the one year anniversary of your last month, which was heightened when we reached the anniversary of when you began to actively die as I knew the anniversary of the date of your death was fast approaching. I started dreading reaching July 4th after Mother's Day, which, was actually, not that difficult of a time. I had a much worse time than I imagined having as I re-lived all the grief, pain, and loss that I experienced last year. Perhaps less intense but many of the same symptoms: I was unfocused. I could not keep on task. I felt empty inside. I felt a hollow pit in my stomach. I felt on the verge of crying all the time. My nerves were frayed. I experienced stress more intensely. And so on.
Am I being dramatic? Not really. Am I unique in my experience?Not at all. If you're a reader who checks out what I am doing, you get to see me work through these feelings, try to understand them, try to make sense of what does not make sense, try to affirm my commitment to living, to celebrating, to the love of life that you showed Mom in every day, every week, every year of your almost 79 full years of physical existence.
This blog is my vehicle for these explorations into grief and living with grief, and though I am surely not done with this subject, it's time to go on with posts not so singly focused on you and your death, Mom.
Remarkably, after the 35 mile bike ride that celebrated the one year anniversary of your death in such a symbolic way, I feel much better. The one year anniversary is passed, and I have other things to worry about and on which I must focus.
But last year, so many people posted to Facebook about my loss and shared sympathy and kind words. I never posted all those remarks, and after some time had passed, I did not feel right about posting them here anymore. And yet, now, a year later, it's nice to look at them all again and to share them. And in doing so, I can clear them out of my blog folder, so I do not have to look at them every day any longer.
So, that's today's Throwback Thursday. Last year's tributes and kind words, reminding me that I have many friends, many people who care about me. I am very fortunate.
Please note that I am not putting these in order. But the first one above was the first posting, by my wife. The first by me will be farther down, starting with the caricature picture.
For any one who wrote something last year, if you venture in here, thanks again.
Reflect and connect.
Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
I miss you so very much, Mom.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.
- Days ago = 368 days ago
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1607.07 - 10:10
NOTE on time: When I post late, I had been posting at 7:10 a.m. because Google is on Pacific Time, and so this is really 10:10 EDT. However, it still shows up on the blog in Pacific time. So, I am going to start posting at 10:10 a.m. Pacific time, intending this to be 10:10 Eastern time. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom. But I am not going back and changing all the 7:10 a.m. times. But I will run this note for a while. Mom, you know that I am posting at 10:10 a.m. often because this is the time of your death.