Hey, Mom! The Explanation.

Here's the permanent dedicated link to my first Hey, Mom! post and the explanation of the feature it contains.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #728 - Two years ago today...

Mother's Day - 1984
Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #728 - Two years ago today...

Hi Mom, 

I wanted to post this at the exact time of your death today, but we slept in and I will be teaching at 10:10 a.m.

And that's okay.

I was going to be dramatic today and say I have no words and then just post a bunch of pictures.

But I do have words because isn't having words the whole point of this blog? I am continuing conversations with you, Mom. I am giving myself an outlet for writing, even if it's just to post a few lines with a share of someone else's content.

The most important thought I wish to share is that I am okay. Really, I am. I am even happy. Yes, I am happy. I am very happy. I mean, after all, my post from a week ago today, Tuesday June 27th, was entitled "I'm Happy" and featured a little video showing a happy gorilla, who's as happy as I am.

So, I had been doing things to cope with my grief, like an alarm set for the moment of your death, 10:10 a.m. every day. I also have stopped kissing that shirt of yours that hangs in my closet every day. Maybe once in a while I kiss it, but I have moved on from these coping mechanisms.




But as always, you are around my constantly, Mom. I think of you every day because I write this blog. Even, if I am not writing some heartfelt treatise of love and grief every day, I am thinking of you because I have to post something, even if it's just a share of content written by someone else.

But there are other things. I use a bowl that we bought at the Richland art fair, and I think of you. I do laundry, and I think of you. I use your measuring cup, and I think of you. I make a recipe of yours, and I think of you. There are so many things that remind me, Mom, every day. I am sure this is the kind of experience that everyone who has lost a loved one shares.




I miss you the most when I want to talk to you, Mom, because though this blog helps, and though I feel you with me always, sometimes I have a question, and I cannot get an answer from you, at least not verbally. But I get by. I don't have any crippling regret.

The greatest thing you gave me  was teaching me to love and how I love. I love unconditionally because you loved me without conditions, completely and totally. Hey. I know I screwed up a lot. I made a lot of mistakes. I was not always perfectly loving to you, Mom. But I knew you loved me completely, and I love you with all of my heart. This is how I love the others in my life, completly, totally, with all of my heart.


As part of a series of healing and life affirming things, last year, on the day of your death, this day, July 4th, I took a bike ride to South Haven. Here was my post, and one of the pictures.

The road goes ever on, Mom.

http://sensedoubt.blogspot.com/2016/07/hey-mom-talking-to-my-mother-363.html


July 4th 2016 - 10:10 a.m.
Thank you for everything, Mom.

I am doing what you wanted for me: I am living a grand and happy life.

And now, back to that road.

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Reflect and connect.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

I miss you so very much, Mom.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 730 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1707.04 - 10:10

NOTE on time: When I post late, I had been posting at 7:10 a.m. because Google is on Pacific Time, and so this is really 10:10 EDT. However, it still shows up on the blog in Pacific time. So, I am going to start posting at 10:10 a.m. Pacific time, intending this to be 10:10 Eastern time. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom. But I am not going back and changing all the 7:10 a.m. times. But I will run this note for a while. Mom, you know that I am posting at 10:10 a.m. often because this is the time of your death.


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