A Sense of Doubt blog post #3746 - Unleashing the Healing Power of Empathy Through Storytelling

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3746 - Unleashing the Healing Power of Empathy Through Storytelling

ABOVE: That's not what my writing space looks like.

photo above - Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash


Empathy and kindness are my two highest values.

I try to treat people with kindness as much as humanly possible.

I fail at it too often for my liking, but I keep working to be better.

I try to practice empathy all the time as well, and I feel like I fail at it even more often that I fail at kindness.

One of my biggest areas for growth, and I am working on it, is to practice empathy with trauma survivors. I am not always good at that. I do not have the serious abusive trauma that many people, especially, women have experienced.

As a soon to be clinical mental health counselor, I will be seeing people with trauma all the time. And I need to do better.

Over the years as a college instructor, starting from the very first classes I taught and papers I read, students have shared their trauma with me. I did not always respond as I should. For instance, in response to one young woman who wrote a story of being raped by her boyfriend's best friend, pulled onto the floor in a lake cabin bedroom with everyone sleeping in bunk beds around them, she was quietly raped. In response, I said "why didn't you cry out?" That was a stupid question, and one I have learned not to ask again. First of all, victim blaming, which I loathe. Secondly, of course she did not feel she could cry out. The humiliation of waking everyone would be bad enough, but what if people sided with the boy, even her boyfriend, as the rapist would surely claim she wanted it, she initiated it, anything to deflect blame from he actually did. So she let him quietly rape her with her boyfriend sleeping a few feet away just to avoid that aftermath. I learned that lesson, and I do better now, but that does not fix me asking that student that question.

I have stopped assigning the personal experience essay. When I started, it was an easy essay to assign. I did not have to teach any of the rules and means of rhetoric. Instead I could apply the creative writing lessons I loved most. But I would get a lot of very, very personal essays about trauma, which then, often, we would peer review in groups in class, in person. And I am not sure I always warned the students that their very personal essay would be shared in this way before they wrote them as often this was the first essay assignment. I always figured that people like writing about themselves. That's easy. Start with that.

Through the years, even with the personal experience essay, students choose topics from their experience more often than topics about which they simply care to learn and argue for their position. I always encourage students to share the experiences that drew them to the topic, even when they are deeply personal and often about trauma, but I always warn them that there will be a peer review, and I make abundantly clear that they do not have to share these experiences at all, or they can choose their comfort level for how much of the experience that they share.

But if they do share, I discuss with them to share clearly. Do not mislead. They do not have to share painful details. They do not have to share any details at all. But I have had students write in such a way that misleads the reader, makes it seem like the traumatic thing did not happen to them, deflect, but still have content that alludes to the trauma. So, if they share, I ask them to share clearly so the reader understands but only with the content and detail with which they feel comfortable. And maybe they mislead because they are not comfortable, so then leave it out.

And yet, as mindful as I am, I fail all the time to practice appropriate empathy with these writers.

I may say something that they will see as insensitive. I write that way because I never INTEND to be insensitive, and yet, sometimes I am perceived that way, which is my problem. I need to do better so that I never appear insensitive.

I think things will be different as a clinical mental health counselor. I will not be teaching my clients to write English essays. Though I may encourage them to write out painful experiences, thoughts, feelings, these are not subject to "assessment" based on course outcomes. They are just tools for healing, for coping, for personal growth.

And yet, I worry about my tendency to say something insensitive without meaning to do so. I often tell my students to call me out on such things. I cannot learn otherwise. If they just bank these insensitivities without addressing it with me, I cannot apologize for my actions, let alone grow and try to do better. The same is true with interactions with work colleagues and friends. We all must help each other to do better. Isn't that what kindness and empathy are all about?

And yet, people are afraid to speak up, to speak out. Or people do not want to go through the "bother." This is a problem with humanity.

As Bruce Springsteen recently shared in concert: "I believe in the truth of what the great American writer James Baldwin said. He said, “In this world, there isn’t as much humanity as one would like, but there’s enough.” Let’s pray."

I am hoping there's enough.

Thanks for tuning in. A good article on empathy and writing follows. Happy Writing Wednesday!

Unleashing the Healing Power of Empathy Through Storytelling

Unleashing the Healing Power of Empathy Through Storytelling

Writing about difficult topics? Let's discuss...

BadRedheadMedia, LLC

Nov 16, 2023

Writing about traumatic events can be a challenging yet powerful endeavor. I’ve written three memoir and poetry books about being a childhood sexual abuse survivor.

It's essential to handle such topics with care and sensitivity, both for the writer and the audience.

I’m currently working on a book about writing trauma, and here are several ways I’ve used to not only get through the process but also enjoy it. With examples of books I love!*

*This post contains affiliate links. This means I may earn a commission should you make a purchase using my link.

• Use of Language:

Be mindful of the language you use. Avoid graphic details that could be triggering. Instead, focus on the emotional and psychological aspects. If you don’t feel the emotion when you write it, the reader won’t feel the emotion as they read it.

As you write, stop and ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?” and, “How does that emotion feel in my body?” Write that.

In "The Year of Magical Thinking," Joan Didion poignantly narrates her grief after her husband's death, emphasizing her emotional journey rather than the specifics of the event.

• Perspective and Voice:

Consider writing from a first-person perspective to give a personal, intimate account, but also be open to third-person narration for distance. I often write in first-person and then change to second or third in later drafts.

In "Speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson, the protagonist's trauma is explored through her internal monologue, allowing readers to empathize deeply with her experiences.

• Incorporate Healing and Growth:

Healing is messy; share those truths. Real stories of growth can offer hope and a sense of resilience to your readers.

Khaled Hosseini’s "A Thousand Splendid Suns" portrays the trauma of its characters but also their journey towards healing, providing a balanced narrative.

• Respect Privacy and Boundaries:

If the story is not solely yours, respect the privacy of others involved (and avoid worries about libel - consult an attorney for specific advice). This is crucial for ethical storytelling.

You don’t need anyone’s permission to write your story except your own but ask yourself if it’s your story to tell.

In "Wild" by Cheryl Strayed, while she discusses her personal traumas, she carefully navigates the stories of others in her life.

• Seek Feedback and Support:

Share your work with trusted individuals for feedback, especially if writing about personal trauma, which can provide valuable perspectives and emotional support.

Many writers join writing groups or seek therapy to process their experiences as they write. This is a great way to connect with others who have been through something similar, or who may become your reader demographic.

I have DM groups on X and a Facebook Group for writers - if interested, click here (free): https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelStreetTeam.

• Consider Your Audience:

Be aware of who your audience is and how the subject matter might affect them. Providing content warnings or trigger warnings at the beginning of your work can be helpful.

That said, some folks don’t like content warnings. What do you prefer? Go with that.

And don’t forget to consider having a sensitivity reader take a look. More here from Reedsy (great free site!) https://blog.reedsy.com/sensitivity-readers/.

• Emphasize Self-Care:

Take care of your mental health while writing about trauma, such as setting time boundaries for writing sessions, taking breaks, or even seeking professional help if needed.

A healthy writing process is crucial. Learn more here from Jane Friedman and Lisa Cooper Elison.

I suggest doing a PEMS check as well: Psychological, Emotional, Mental, and
Spiritual when emotions come up as you write. Mindfulness is important here - stop when you need to.

• Use Fictional Elements:

Not for everyone but consider incorporating fictional elements to provide a buffer, which can be particularly helpful if the trauma is personal. It allows us to explore emotions and experiences without direct exposure.

For example, in "The Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath, though semi-autobiographical, Plath uses a fictional character to explore themes of mental illness and societal pressures.

• Focus on the Journey, Not Just the Event:

Focusing on the journey of dealing with trauma, not only the traumatic event itself, helps in crafting a more nuanced and compelling narrative.

"Educated" by Tara Westover is an excellent example of focusing on the journey of self-discovery and healing (and so well-written).

• Incorporate Hope and Resilience:

While acknowledging the pain and struggle, including elements of hope and resilience can make the story more relatable.

"The Color Purple" by Alice Walker, though dealing with heavy themes, ultimately is a story of triumph and empowerment.

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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - date - time

- Days ago: MOM = ## days ago & DAD = ## days ago

- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I post Hey Mom blog entries on special occasions. I post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day, and now I have a second count for Days since my Dad died on August 28, 2024. I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of Mom's death, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of her death and sometimes 13:40 EDT for the time of Dad's death. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.