|Easter - 1998|
I love you.
I am missing you a lot today.
Every holiday is going to be tough.
You loved Easter.
I am keeping this post short.
I could write a huge diatribe about religion, but I want to post a short one today as I don't need a lot of extra verbiage to make the point I want to make.
I am not sure I believe in the God you believed in.
I am not sure that YOU believed in the God you had believed in any more by the time you died. You were pretty angry with God for a few years for paralyzing you, though you had made peace with your situation long before the Supranuclear Bulbar Palsy stole you from us.
Though I spoke to God quite a bit in the post-meningitis years, I was never sure if the God I was speaking to existed.
I know I don't believe in Jesus Christ as my savior and the whole resurrection story.
Readers who do believe these things, sorry. I am just being honest. I worry that my sister will look at this one, and I feel like I am letting her down. She believes all these things; I just don't.
Anyway, by saying that I am not sure I believe in God and do not believe in Christ the savior, I am NOT saying that I believe in nothing. I have a beliefs category and I just shared some of my beliefs in Hey Mom #260.
I believe in many things.
But most of all, I believe in you, Mom.
Whatever exists after we die, if God exists as the Christians define him (which is a huge generalization as there are so many different conceptions among different Christians), if Christ exists as savior, if Christ existed as a historical figure, if Heaven exists, if Hell exists, if all these things exist, I have no idea, but I know one thing. You existed Mom. You were flesh and blood and you love me. I love you. AND you still exist. Call it a spirit, a soul, energy, whatever, you still exist. I FEEL you, and I can believe in that feeling.
I believe in you, Mom.
"And I believe in love" (Indigo Girls lyric, see yesterday's post).
Reflect and connect.
Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.
- Days ago = 266 days ago
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1603.27 - 10:10
NOTE on time: When I post late, I had been posting at 7:10 a.m. because Google is on Pacific Time, and so this is really 10:10 EDT. However, it still shows up on the blog in Pacific time. So, I am going to start posting at 10:10 a.m. Pacific time, intending this to be 10:10 Eastern time. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom. But I am not going back and changing all the 7:10 a.m. times. But I will run this note for a while. Mom, you know that I am posting at 10:10 a.m. often because this is the time of your death.