A Sense of Doubt blog post #4007 - Letter to Dad #21 - Acts of Service

April 2012

A Sense of Doubt blog post #4007 - Letter to Dad #21 - Acts of Service


Hi Dad, Today our topic is ACTS OF SERVICE, one of the "Love Languages," see here:

https://go.westminster.org/understanding-the-love-languages/

Acts of Service

Acts of service as a love language is primarily about going out of your way to serve, help, or take care of someone’s needs and responsibilities. An act of service can include doing the dishes, taking out the trash, or evening filling up someone else’s gas tank. 

If you or your partner’s love language is acts of service, use these ideas to show your partner you love them.

• Make your spouse a cup of coffee first thing in the morning
• Cook them a meal
• Take care of a chore that is normally their responsibility (dishes, laundry, trash, etc.)
• Remove the mental load from someone else by planning something they normally would (vacation, date night, etc.)

I never really thought about acts of service as a love language until I got married and discovered that my spouse appreciates acts of service and shows love in the same way in return.

I also discovered that I had received a great deal of training in acts of service during the 15 years I helped you take care of Mom, like in that photo above, when three years before she died, we were still practicing walking with assistance!

In that photo, you are 76 years old (you had not yet turned 77) and Mom was 75. I just like those ages as a point of reference for what we're seeing.

I think about our care for Mom and mainly yours, as you did so much more of it than I, as I do things around the house every day.

For example, I remember how you always prepared for bed time, setting out the pills to be taken with a cup of water, lining up the other things that needed doing after cleaning up the kitchen after dinner.

I do the same thing because that ritual became part of my training, and several of the the things I set out are for the dogs.

I also have learned how much I like doing acts of service and how it makes me feel to take care of someone else, to do nice things for that person.

I wish I could go back in time and show that level of care and service in previous relationships as they would have lasted longer than they did. I spent many years being much more selfish than I should have been. Granted, we're all selfish to some extent. But I was over focused on myself and my own needs for too many years and did not sacrifice enough or at all for others. In my last serious relationship before I got married, I at least realized that I could not make the sacrifices needed and that's really why I ended it, ultimately, after she ended it originally (but it lingered).

I am not saying that I would rather be with someone from my past. Not at all. But those women deserved better treatment from me and some deserved seriously A LOT better than what I provided.

These regrets make me a better person now, I believe. So I like reviewing them.

If not for you, Dad, (and MOM) I might not have learned acts of service and internalized why they are so important in a relationship.

Beyond that, not much news, at least news I feel like sharing publicly.

After weeks of GI upset, we are trying a new diet with Ellory, which so far she loves.

I am watching Star Fleet Academy and loving it.

I am going to the Zen cohort and a Star Trek fan club on Saturday.

I love you Dad.

More next week.



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-  Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2601.05 - 10:10

- Days ago: MOM = 3870 days ago & DAD = 525 days ago

- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I post Hey Mom blog entries on special occasions. I post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day, and now I have a second count for Days since my Dad died on August 28, 2024. I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of Mom's death, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of her death and sometimes 13:40 EDT for the time of Dad's death. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.