Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #351 - Writerly Wednesday - Two Dreams, a poem

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #351 - Writerly Wednesday - Two Dreams, a poem

Hi Mom, Trying to keep this feature alive, and so far so good.

Today's comments have to do with how wordy I am. Given my tendency to add too many words, I am happy that this poem is so short, and yet, as I read and re-read it, I think it could be shorter.

Some lines do not quite work for me, but I am still resisting the urge to rewrite.

I think the poem works in many ways, and I like that it's short, so I keeping these comments short.

I am purposefully not revealing which lines I think are weak (hint: in the "his" part).

I had powerful dreams last night, so this poem struck me as the right choice. I have already scheduled next week's poem and loaded it up.

My dreams were not personified like these but they have stuck with me all day as if they were.

"two dreams" 

hers: 

she dreams in the sheets
beside me,
and when she wakes,
I implore her to write them down,
but she won't; she lets them slip
out the splitting seams
in her skull
and filter through wall cracks,
where these runaway dreams
bind to snow flakes,
each in different patterns,
waiting for her to write,
waiting for her to remember,
escaped dreams,
waiting to return
as rain.

his: 

I invited my dreams to lunch today
and requested an RSVP.
I finely turned the invitation
(with hints of prevarication)
sealed the envelope,
and mailed it.
Later, when the sprinklers
spin whirlwinds on the front lawn,
my dreams hobble down to the post box,
fumble with keys,
turn the lock,
spill the mail
on the Post Office floor.


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Reflect and connect.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

I miss you so very much, Mom.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 353 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1606.22 - 10:10

NOTE on time: When I post late, I had been posting at 7:10 a.m. because Google is on Pacific Time, and so this is really 10:10 EDT. However, it still shows up on the blog in Pacific time. So, I am going to start posting at 10:10 a.m. Pacific time, intending this to be 10:10 Eastern time. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom. But I am not going back and changing all the 7:10 a.m. times. But I will run this note for a while. Mom, you know that I am posting at 10:10 a.m. often because this is the time of your death.