Hi Mom,
See the red and black plaid Satchel in the photo?
Surely, you will recognize it as Dad's satchel from college that I kept for weirdly sentimental reasons. It was handy enough as a place to store spare discs for Ultimate in my garage. It moved with me from West Gull Lake Drive to Richland Woods back to West Gull Lake Drive and then to Saint Antoine, but, surely, it did not need to move with me to Woodland, Washington.
Here's a picture of the satchel among a pile of refuse at the waste station before its moved to a landfill. I felt terrible discarding so much stuff to a landfill, but it needed to be done. There were many things that I could not dispose of my responsibly.
Something like that satchel was old, torn, water stained, split, and not able to zip closed. It could not be fixed or re-used. In fact, it's probably older than me. And so, I discarded it. I left it behind. But I took this photo to remind me that I love my father, and I love his things. I hung on to the satchel for so long not because I loved the satchel but because it belonged to my father. Discarding it does not mean I no longer love my father because he understands more than almost anyone that there comes a time to let things go and move on.
This discarding and moving on process is one with which I struggle, so it's good for me to do it, and it's also good for me to document it and reflect on it. It feels like I am giving up something valuable, emotionally, even though rationally, I know I am not. This feeling is the last elusive piece of this tangle of emotions that I have to solve like a puzzle. Writing this post is one step toward that solution.
Goodbye, old red and black plaid satchel belonging to my Dad. I will miss you, but I am glad I made the decision to leave you behind.
But here's a Satchel I am keeping because she is valuable, and I would NEVER leave her behind.
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| Satchel Paige Tower, a beagle who does not like baths |
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| Ellory Queen Tower, fresh from a bath and loves everything |
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Reflect and connect.
Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you, Mom.
I miss you so very much, Mom.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.
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- Days ago = 840 days ago
- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1710.22 - 10:10
NEW (written 1708.27) NOTE on time: I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of your death, Mom, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of your death, Mom. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom.
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