Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1167 (SoD1543) - Mother's Day 2019

1976

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #1167 (SoD1543) - Mother's Day 2019

Hi Mom,

Following I am re-posting some of 2018's post, which also provides links to previous posts from 2017 and 2016.

Mother's Day four without you as we close in on the four year anniversary of your death.

What I wrote last year is still true. I am not wrecked. I have learned to live with it. I still grieve, and I still miss you, but it is easier to to cope, to get through the days, to carry on, to enjoy life. Really, there's little hardship. Maybe I have made peace with your death as a good thing for you -- whatever lies beyond this life it is a better place than here -- and less about me and my childish grief. It feels like childish, this grief, sometimes more than at other times. The grief reduces me to a little boy who wants his mommy rather than an adult man with a wife, kids, dogs, jobs, interests, hobbies, loves, passions, and arts.

I have a good life. Though I am mindful that my life is good, in large part, though not exclusively, because of you, Mom.

I am writing this post after Mother's Day. We had a good day gardening and doing lawn work. Piper, Adam, and their roommate Taylin came over and assembled our new grill, and then we had steak and salad and beer and pie made by Piper. Much better than going to URBAN FONDUE, which is what we did last year (BLECH).

The day ended with Killing Eve episode six and Game of Thrones episode five.

A VERY GOOD DAY.

Last year's post (2018):

https://sensedoubt.blogspot.com/2018/05/hey-mom-talking-to-my-mother-1042.html

Mom's at Dad's 50th bday - 1985

But I do have a couple of thoughts to share.

2018 marks my third Mother's Day without you, Mom, and I must say it's getting easier. Sure, I was sad. Sure, I miss you. I definitely thought of you. But I did not break down in tears like I did last year, I did not feel the lodestone anchor drag of depression, I was okay. Sure, I wish you were still with us, even in your last debilitated state, which is selfish of me, so probably it's just an emotional wish that when considered I would reject.

My other thought is that when I think of you, Mom, and I think of your legacy, what you gave to me, I think of how to be loving. I consider myself a very loving person, and I have fierce and unconditional love for my family, not just Dad and Lori, my sister, and her husband, but my immediate family, my wife, our kids, our dogs, our life together.

Though I am very aware of my own imperfections at showing my love and truly trying to appreciate my family unconditionally, because it does take effort to rise above petty annoyance and the day-to-day drudgery of trying to exist and keep things together, I do feel that you showed me by example, Mom, and you taught me by placing the highest value on how we love, being loving, living our lives as loving people. This is the greatest gift you could possibly have given me, Mom, because love is the greatest act that we can perform in our lives.

And so, I love my family very much. This may not be a unique thing. I would expect most people to confess to loving their families. Also, there are people out there who do a better job of showing it, owning it, living it than I do. But at least, I try, and I identify short-comings and work to improve them. I feel that effort counts for a lot.

Thanks, Mom.

Here's the link to last year's Mother's Day post with SOME OF the content to follow.

Mother's Day 2017 - Hey Mom #677

I thought I had something more prosaic and heart-felt for Mother's Day last year, but apparently I went with short comments on some photos in a trilogy of posts and then  a follow-up Throwback Thursday.

Here's the links to those. I would rather present them this way than my usual re-publishing of the content.

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #304 - Mother's Day Trilogy Part One

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #305 - Mother's Day Trilogy Part Two

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #306 - Mother's Day Trilogy Part Three

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #310 - Mother's Day 2010 - Throwback Thursday

Instead of prosaic and sentimental ruminations here, beyond what I have already written, I will instead add to the very first entry with an update about moving on.

I am still sad sometimes.

I grieve, Mom.

But I am living life and enjoying life and that's what you would want me to do.

And I know that because I hear you tell me with that voice in my head in a thousand ways throughout the year.

Here's the permanent dedicated link to my first Hey, Mom! post and the explanation of the feature it contains.

HEY, MOM #1

2002

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Reflect and connect.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

I miss you so very much, Mom.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 1408 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1905.12 - 10:10

NEW (written 1708.27) NOTE on time: I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of your death, Mom, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of your death, Mom. I know this only matters to me, and to you, Mom.