A Sense of Doubt blog post #3846 - One Year Ago - The Next Day

A Sense of Doubt blog post #3846 - One Year Ago - The Next Day

Hi Dad (Big Guy), You died a year ago yesterday. I was holding your hand. 

I didn't write about it in yesterday's post. I thought the day would be harder than it was. I have been living with grief since Mom died in 2015. I understand myself. I know to let the grief through me. I am grieving, but I can cope.

This one with you feels harder. As I have shared before, when Mom died, you were still with us, and we leaned on each other. Now, you're gone, and though I have many loved ones, I don't have you or Mom.

And that's weird. It's wrong. I still have a lot of disbelief about it all.

Yesterday was a nice day. I wrote on my book, did some work, did some things around the house, spent time in the hammock on the porch reading, and enjoyed a delicious Wurst dinner from Gustavs -- traditional German, like the Old German in Ann Arbor or that place next to Mary Free Bed, the name of which I have forgotten.

And then today, I went into Portland. Did some shopping. Had lunch at Phuket Cafe, excellent Thai food. Sat outside in an outdoor area shaped like a train car. Found a new bookstore next to Tin House. Then had some porch time. Excellent day. Oh, and DID NO WORK. I had discussion board replies due, and I decided they would be 12 or so hours late. I needed to step away from all that stuff. I even did a little writing on my book.

I am honoring you and thinking of you (and Mom) often. In many ways.

I wouldn't want you to be in pain or have low quality of life, but I do wish you were still here. I know that's selfish because where you are is HOME, a place of pure love.

I do sense you and Mom with me all the time.

Thanks for giving me such a great life.

Love you,

Christopher



+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2508.29 - 13:40

- Days ago: MOM = 3711 days ago & DAD = 365 days ago

- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I post Hey Mom blog entries on special occasions. I post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day, and now I have a second count for Days since my Dad died on August 28, 2024. I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of Mom's death, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of her death and sometimes 13:40 EDT for the time of Dad's death. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.

ADDED: For this week only (August 25-31 2025), in honor of the one year since, I am going to post at 13:40 Pacific Time. My Dad died at 13:40 Eastern, which would be 10:40 Pacific, but I am not going to make the conversion.