There's nothing I can add to this that would make it any better.
So, just the share.
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-sorry-i-havent-graded-your-essays-yet-ive-been-busy-living-under-late-stage-capitalism-during-a-global-pandemic
I’M SORRY I HAVEN’T GRADED YOUR ESSAYS YET — I’VE BEEN BUSY LIVING UNDER LATE-STAGE CAPITALISM DURING A GLOBAL PANDEMIC
Dear students of WR112 – Personal Writing,
I apologize for the
delay in returning your graded personal essays. As you may or may not be aware,
I am an extremely part-time adjunct desperately trying to survive under
late-stage capitalism during a global pandemic. This is something I’m certain
you completely understand and also have recurring nightmares about… right? I
can’t be alone in this.
My recurring
nightmare is that I forget to complete edits for my content marketing job — or
show up naked for my intranet development job’s weekly Zoom meeting. Sorry, I
forgot to mention, when I’m not grading your personal essays, I am attempting
to market to you, your loved ones, and anyone who doesn’t skip YouTube ads for
whatever reason.
In both nightmares,
I am fired for failing to produce consumable content and possessing an
undesirable body. Then, I contract the contagious virus ravaging the earth and
can’t afford my hospital bills. You know how it is: last semester, we discussed
Walter Benjamin’s cult vs. exhibition value and, under late-stage capitalism,
everything is an exhibit, baybee.
And transmission, er, admission is never free.
Therefore, I’ve
been trying to diversify my income streams to assuage my subconscious. As such,
your memoirs have taken a backseat to my new endeavor: starting an OnlyFans for
financial security. As a poor actor who has never been given favorable feedback
about her body, I fear I will only be able to hula hoop pantsless to Tom Waits
albums and pray I am not sued for copyright infringement. Hula-hooping is my
only untapped talent, and Tom Waits is the only voice that adequately encapsulates
my unstilled soul.
I settled on
OnlyFans after realizing I was too burned out to run a Patreon, and too ashamed
of my own needs to start a GoFundMe. It will also double as an act of self-care
and interim therapy since the institution you attend does not provide health
coverage for affiliated faculty. Any unsolicited positive feedback from
strangers will replenish my depleted endorphins while reporting any negative
comments gives me the semblance of some control over my life. As you can see, I
have been distracted.
This is not to say
your pieces aren’t good. I have read them, and I have cried. Not because of the
content, but because I, too, once had dreams and roamed the world pursuing
them. Now, I do not leave the house for fear of a deadly virus and because I
have four jobs that give me less than 30 hours a week each — or simply list me
as an independent contractor to avoid giving me vacation time. I spend all of
those 120 hours sliding between Zoom, various content management systems, and
Twitter, where I write tweets like “Social distances into the ocean” and “What
if we all met up in the middle of the street and headbutted each other until we
died?”
All of this does
not mean you will never receive grades for your personal essay assignments.
More likely than not, I will wait until we’re almost done with the next unit
and then simply leave comments like, “Really captured the raw bliss of being
able to leave the house, A-” on Canvas, which may or may not notify you I’ve
updated your score.
Thank you for your
patience, and please mention my OnlyFans to any affluent connections you may
have. Even if they are not interested in hula-hooping or me, they may really
like Tom Waits. I can do Leonard Cohen songs, too.
Sincerely,
Your Overwhelmed Adjunct
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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2104.08 - 10:10
- Days ago = 2106 days ago
- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I plan to continue Hey Mom posts at least twice per week but will continue to post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.
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