A Sense of Doubt blog post #4244 - Revising a Poem Multiple Times - Writing Wednesday

A Sense of Doubt blog post #4244 - Revising a Poem Multiple Times - Writing Wednesday

Hello reader, and maybe some students as I am teaching creative writing right now,

I have been working on a new poem since my father died in 2024 called "Ghost Song's Heart."

I just completed a fifth typed revision, which does not count all the untyped drafting and revisions.

Here in this post you will find, first, the current version of the poem that includes some of my plan with numbers and patterns, which I may not include with the final version if I seek publication with it.

Some readers have had trouble with the "advice" aspect, the imperative voice. I get it. But that was the plan from the start, so for now, that remains.

Following the current version of the poem, there are pictures of my revision process, the first being the most recent marked up version. Following that, there are images of the original drafting and other revised typed versions.

Following all of that are the other four typed versions for comparison to see what I changed, what I cut, what I added.

Even the last version, the fourth, did not have four stanzas of seven lines each. There was one stanza with only six lines, which I changed for version five.

Please leave me a comment!!

Thanks for tuning in.



current version:

A Ghost Song’s Heart: advice on life

Dedicated to my father Robert Burns Tower

Born June 26, 1935 - Died August 28, 2024 at 13:40 EDT

28 = 7*4 (My mother died 7/4/15)

by christopher tower

 

Listen to the snow voices

The hard heart

Frost Magic Mandala

Know the guidebook to the muscle harp

See the crystals splinter open in the cold air

Winter dreams ring in the ear’s terrain

Swallow the fractal rhythms

 

Press your ear to the belly of the world song

Curve the sound, bowed, like your spine

Sing the song you cannot hear

Hollow out the Heart’s geometry

Drowning in the cove of mute bones

Teasing out of you the ghost secrets

Blurring radials of cold hair    

 

Enshroud the sound of the valley

Surrender to the wind that combs you out and away

Arch your true melodic back-bone

Hard fold the Heart Mountain

Until the layers unhide themselves

Tessellations layered on tessellations

Hold close the breath of tides

 

Breathe in the snow song

Curl into yourself beneath the shaggy hoar-frost

Stand among the heart bones quiet as a tree

Before the demon choirs come home to roost

Breathe out the ancient rhythm of the secret ghosts

The nothing that is there; the nothing that is

Talk to the dead inside your heart

 

Most recent:

Ghost Song’s Heart: advice on grief

by christopher tower (version one)

 

Listen to the voice in the snow

The hard heart

Magic Mandala

Know the guidebook of the harp

See the space break open in the air

Ring dreams in the ear’s terrain

Let the rhythms breathe

 

Press your ear to the belly of the back feed

Sound curved like a spine

Sing the song you cannot hear

Hollow out the dream

Geometric heart

Blurring radials of cold hair

Teasing the secret ghosts out of you

 

Fold close the sound of the valley

Let the wind comb you out and away

Arch your true melodic back-bone

Hard fold the heart mountain

Until layers are revealed

Tessellations on tessellations

Hold close to your chest the breath of tides

 

Know your own bone

Talk to the dead inside your heart

Breathe in the shaggy hoar-frost

Fail to rhyme; sing in seven-four time

Before the demons come home to roost

The nothing that is there; the nothing that is

Breathe out the heart’s true rhythm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

VERSION TWO

 

A Ghost Song’s Heart: advice on life

by christopher tower

 

Listen to the voice in the snow

The hard heart

Frost Magic Mandala

Know the guidebook to the crystallized harp

See the space splinter open in the cold air

Winter dreams ring in the ear’s terrain

Swallow the fractal rhythms

 

Press your ear to the belly of the back feed

Curve the sound like your spine

Sing the song you cannot hear

Hollow out the dream – the Geometric Heart

Blurring radials of cold hair                            

Teasing out of you the ghost secrets

 

Fold close to your chest the sound of the valley

Surrender to the wind that combs you out and away

Arch your true melodic back-bone

Hard fold the Heart Mountain

Until the layers unhide themselves

Tessellations on tessellations

Hold closer the breath of tides

 

Breathe in the shaggy hoar-frost

Talk to the dead inside your heart

Fail to rhyme; sing in seven-four time

Before the demon choirs come home to roost

The nothing that is there; the nothing that is

Breathe out the heart’s true rhythm

Know your own bone

 

 

 

 

 

 

VERSION THREE

 

A Ghost Song’s Heart: advice on life

by christopher tower

 

Listen to the voice in the snow

The hard heart

Frost Magic Mandala

Know the guidebook to the crystallized harp

See the space splinter open in the cold air

Winter dreams ring in the ear’s terrain

Swallow the fractal rhythms

 

Press your ear to the belly of the world song

Curve the sound like your spine

Sing the song you cannot hear

Hollow out the dream – the Geometric Heart

Blurring radials of cold hair                            

Teasing out of you the ghost secrets

 

Fold close to your chest the sound of the valley

Surrender to the wind that combs you out and away

Arch your true melodic back-bone

Hard fold the Heart Mountain

Until the layers unhide themselves

Tessellations on tessellations

Hold closer the breath of tides

 

Breathe in the snow song

Curl into yourself beneath the shaggy hoar-frost

Fail to rhyme; sing in seven-four time

Before the demon choirs come home to roost

Breathe out the ancient rhythm of your heart

The nothing that is there; the nothing that is

Talk to the dead inside your heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

VERSION FOUR

 

A Ghost Song’s Heart: advice on life

by christopher tower

 

Listen to the voice in the snow

The hard heart

Frost Magic Mandala

Know the guidebook to the crystallized harp

See the space splinter open in the cold air

Winter dreams ring in the ear’s terrain

Swallow the fractal rhythms

 

Press your ear to the belly of the world song

Curve the sound like your spine

Sing the song you cannot hear

Hollow out the dream – the Geometric Heart

Blurring radials of cold hair                            

Teasing out of you the ghost secrets

 

Fold close to your chest the sound of the valley

Surrender to the wind that combs you out and away

Arch your true melodic back-bone

Hard fold the Heart Mountain

Until the layers unhide themselves

Tessellations on tessellations

Hold closer the breath of tides

 

Breathe in the snow song

Curl into yourself beneath the shaggy hoar-frost

Fail to rhyme; sing in seven-four time

Before the demon choirs come home to roost

Breathe out the ancient rhythm of the ghosts

The nothing that is there; the nothing that is

Talk to the dead inside your heart

 

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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2609.26 - 10:10

- Days ago: MOM = 4104 days ago & DAD = 758 days ago

- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I post Hey Mom blog entries on special occasions. I post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day, and now I have a second count for Days since my Dad died on August 28, 2024. I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of Mom's death, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of her death and sometimes 13:40 EDT for the time of Dad's death. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.