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| Mom's birthday - Oct. 7, 1998 |
A Sense of Doubt blog post #3793 - Ten Years of Sense of Doubt (and Hey Mom) - The Theme Song
I cannot believe I have been posting a daily blog for ten years!
I cannot believe I have been posting a daily blog for ten years!
Yesterday, July 6th, was the ten year anniversary for the daily blog work I started with HEY MOM #1 on July 6th, 2015, two days after Mom died. No, this one is not a HEY MOM post, so I am not writing to her, but I am reprinting one below, the first one and linking another.
I would have published this post yesterday, on the day, but I delayed one day to have it for MUSIC MONDAY and share a song. Plus, yesterday was COMIC BOOK SUNDAY, and I had been working on a comic book post. So, that.
For a while in 2016, I posted two blog entries a day when I was grieving the loss of David Bowie as well as my Mom.
For a while in 2016, I posted two blog entries a day when I was grieving the loss of David Bowie as well as my Mom.
And now, ten years later, my Dad has died as well.
No parents.
No Bowie.
And that's not all, but so much loss.
My days since count is off according to the Internet, UNLESS it is not counting July 4th, 2015 and July 4th, 2025, and I am, and then my count is right on the money.
New feature: Hey, Mom! Talking to my mother #1
- the explanation
Hi Mom, You died two days ago, forever changing how I feel about Independence Day, though thinking about it as a kind of independence is interesting: this sentence added 2407.03.
That's everything for today.
First, some house keeping.
My days since count is off according to the Internet, UNLESS it is not counting July 4th, 2015 and July 4th, 2025, and I am, and then my count is right on the money.
If you click through to HEY MOM #1 (linked below), I originally committed to daily posts of HEY MOM for just one year as I had done with the 365 T-Shirts blog. At the end of one year of HEY MOM, I was not ready to retire it let alone to stop posting a daily blog entry. It didn't feel right to stop daily production of HEY MOM until 2018 after three years of consecutive HEY MOM posts. More on that ending and the post below.
Re-reading my first HEY MOM post, I was promising to keep my entries short. LOL.
Sometimes that's true. Often not. It would be cool if Blogger stats provided an average word count per post or some other length measure. But it does not.
So, topic at hand, at three years, it felt right stop HEY MOM daily consecutive posting at which point I switched back to the original SENSE OF DOUBT title for posts (as you see above), though I still maintained a total posts count, a days since Mom died count, and since last August 28th, a days since Dad died count as well. I continued daily posting for the next seven years. I had intended to still publish TWO Hey Mom posts per week, one on Thursday and the other on Sunday. I did keep up with that through the rest of 2018, but in early 2019, HEY MOM posts became less regular and fell out of that twice weekly schedule, though I had some weeks (and some consecutively) in which I tried to resume that posting practice. Each year thereafter, I made fewer and fewer HEY MOM posts. By 2024, I only made five HEY MOM posts (compared to seven in 2023 and three in 2022 and 16 in 2021).
Other pledges in the first HEY MOM are still generally true. I do think about my Mom often. I would say nearly daily. There may be some days in which nothing makes me think of her and I do not talk to her. Dad's death last year did alter that mode as I was thinking of Dad far more often. But I do still feel Mom with me, talk to Mom, think of Mom, that's still true, even after ten years. I mean, I update the days since count in each blog post. For that reason alone, I probably think of Mom daily, unless I have published several ahead as I often do these days.
Another true thing from that first post as well as the last consecutive one is that the blog is not always about grief. It has been more about grief since Dad died 312 days ago. But more often than not, it's about living, my living, my life; it's about things I am interested in and a variety of features: Music Monday. Writing Wednesday, Throwback Thursday, the Weekly Hodge Podge, Comic Book Sunday, THAT ONE THING, Low Power Mode, Blog Vacation, Reprints, and so on. Some of those features are occasional, and others have been more or less retired, like the Weekly Hodge Podge. I should get back to more THROWBACK THURSDAYS.
I have used my blog to support instruction in my work as a teacher; however, given the variety of content I post on my blog, and the thin-skin of some people to roll with creativity, free expression, and autonomy, I have stopped sharing it and have stopped sending students to posts I have made specifically for teaching. I should move all of those to a website. Then again, I have often thought of moving the entire blog to my own domain and switch to Word Press, but that's a HUGE undertaking. I know it's possible, though I am dubious that it would work without so much content (mostly pictures) breaking.
I have had many more positive reactions to my blog than negative ones. And though it is difficult if not impossible to sort bot views from real people, (and some of those are me) as of today, these stats:
The Sense of Doubt has been viewed 1,161,392 times. That's a lot.
Today (which is Tuesday 7/8/25 when I am writing this) the blog was viewed 2083 times, which is a pretty big day for the blog. Yesterday was 4021 times.
For July (I assume that's "this month"), 26,867 times. Last month, 76,730 times.
Yesterday's post already has 30 views. Now, those are not all real people.
And the daily traffic really spiked on July 4th with 6677 views.
I do post to FIVE social media networks: Twitter (I won't call it the other thing). Mastodon, Blue Sky, Instagram, and Facebook.
Generally, Blogger cannot identify most of the sources of the views, so there's no way that actual readers were 2083 today. Yesterday's (Sunday 7/6) post has 30 views. Saturdays gathered 40 so far. My July 4th ten years ago post has 37, and I suspect there's more real people in that number than usual. It's also weird how random older posts come up in the high views count when I look (and I do not look at stats all that often). For instance, this post has 40 views in the last week:
Monday, July 15, 2019
Ah, spam. many views and comments as spam from marketers. I hid those and disallowed comments.
And so, back to the topic, I can't believe Mom has been gone for ten years and that I have blogged daily for that long. I often wonder if I will ever feel like stopping my daily blog practice. I don't have an answer.
When I hit that one year mark of HEY MOM, I had encouragement from a lot of people in my life to continue the feature as long as I felt that I needed to do so. And as I shared, that run turned out to be three years.
Here's where that three-run ended:
You an click through to read it, if you wish, but here's the ending, as the Holly Gibney quote will matter when it comes to the song I have selected for today:
Even after just 88 blog posts, I knew that the blog served a role in self care. It has helped me in more ways than I can recount or should recount in this entry (to keep it on the shorter side of long). The greatest takeaway from my three years writing daily Hey Mom posts is that I love being a DAILY blogger and so that will continue. I will continue as I have sharing articles, sharing my study of coding, sharing things that spark my interest, sharing about what I am doing in my life and in my new home. I will continue weekly features, such as Musical Monday, Throwback Thursday, and a weekly reprint on Sunday. Other features will be infrequent, such as xkcd shares, T-shirt reprints, and writing about comic books. Hey, I have three years or lists of comics stored in drafts that I have to do something with. :-)
On the subject of reading, I just finished Stephen King's The Outsider, and this quote near the end really struck a chord.
"Reality is thin ice, but most people skate on it their whole lives and never fall though until the very end. We did fall through, but we helped each other out. We're still helping each other." -- Holly Gibney to Ralph Anderson in Stephen King's The Outsider pg. 559
This quote cried out to me, deserving to be featured.
Even though the context of how the characters helped each other out, the meaning is clear, and it pertains to this situation.
We helped each other out, Mom.
We still are.
That's my takeaway from all of this.
I will miss publishing some of our daily talks, Mom. I am likely to continue to talk with you ever day or at least acknowledge your presence in my life.
On the third anniversary of your death, I went out into nature and literally touched it, putting my psyche in touch with the eternal that resides there. I will continue to do things like that, too.
Goodbye for now, goodbye to daily Hey Moms, hello to new modes of production and to a more balanced approach that may not look too much like a crutch.
I love you, Mom. I always will.
If there are any readers other than you, Mom, who have hung in for many of the 1096 or have tuned in for this one, I thank you from deep in my heart. I appreciate your time. I hope to continue to provide worthwhile content starting tomorrow and for however long I continue to mange to be a daily blogger.
Thanks for reading.
NOTE FOR THE LAST DAILY HEY MOM: This is the last post that will feature the two day gap in numbering. Because I started this blog feature two days after your death, Mom, and because I kept on with daily posts for 1096 days, the number of posts and the number of days since your death were always two apart. Since I am going to continue Hey Mom posts at least twice a week, the numbering will be consistent, so the next post will be #1097, but it will be Sunday, so it will be made 1100 days after your death. The gap between the number of Hey Moms and the number of days since your death will continue to widen. It's inevitable that it should, but this is one of the sources of my angst and my problem with letting go of this feature as a daily broadcast.
On the subject of reading, I just finished Stephen King's The Outsider, and this quote near the end really struck a chord.
"Reality is thin ice, but most people skate on it their whole lives and never fall though until the very end. We did fall through, but we helped each other out. We're still helping each other." -- Holly Gibney to Ralph Anderson in Stephen King's The Outsider pg. 559
This quote cried out to me, deserving to be featured.
Even though the context of how the characters helped each other out, the meaning is clear, and it pertains to this situation.
We helped each other out, Mom.
We still are.
That's my takeaway from all of this.
I will miss publishing some of our daily talks, Mom. I am likely to continue to talk with you ever day or at least acknowledge your presence in my life.
On the third anniversary of your death, I went out into nature and literally touched it, putting my psyche in touch with the eternal that resides there. I will continue to do things like that, too.
Goodbye for now, goodbye to daily Hey Moms, hello to new modes of production and to a more balanced approach that may not look too much like a crutch.
I love you, Mom. I always will.
If there are any readers other than you, Mom, who have hung in for many of the 1096 or have tuned in for this one, I thank you from deep in my heart. I appreciate your time. I hope to continue to provide worthwhile content starting tomorrow and for however long I continue to mange to be a daily blogger.
Thanks for reading.
NOTE FOR THE LAST DAILY HEY MOM: This is the last post that will feature the two day gap in numbering. Because I started this blog feature two days after your death, Mom, and because I kept on with daily posts for 1096 days, the number of posts and the number of days since your death were always two apart. Since I am going to continue Hey Mom posts at least twice a week, the numbering will be consistent, so the next post will be #1097, but it will be Sunday, so it will be made 1100 days after your death. The gap between the number of Hey Moms and the number of days since your death will continue to widen. It's inevitable that it should, but this is one of the sources of my angst and my problem with letting go of this feature as a daily broadcast.
So, that's that.
Today is MUSIC MONDAY, and so I considered reprinting the seven songs post in total, but decided not to. Here it is though, seven songs that get me through grief and two extras that are very dear to me:
Monday, March 31, 2025
Though you can click that link to read about the significance of each song, here's a mix on You Tube of just the songs:
For a long time, I had no song for today. I had considered re-using one of those in the seven above, probably "We Walk the Same Line" by Everything But The Girl.
But I had done that already, a few times.
I needed a new song.
Then I was listening to my MARATHON MUSIC MIX, which I may reprint soon or break into smaller mixes or something, and I cam upon this song, a cover by Kawehi or "Mad World" from Tears for Fears and "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons (lyrics below).
I always loved The Hurting by Tears for Fears. It's one of my favorite albums. I preferred the Brit album cover (image below), and it seems fitting to today.
This song feels right.
I know of Imagine Dragons, but I have never listened to them very much. But that addition in Kawehi's mash-up feels right, especially with her comment following her video: "Bringing depression into happy lives since 1983."
Love Kawehi.
I know I entitled this post with the phrase "the theme song." I am not sure if this is THE theme song, but it's definitely A theme song.
So, here's the song.
I Am Kawehi
Sep 18, 2017 #yourewelcome
Support me on Patreon: / iamkawehi
Happy (not) Monday! I have a whole new batch of sad to bring you today - a mash-up of depressed and cloudy AF. I’ve changed my motto for today to the following: Kawehi - Bringing depression into happy lives since 1983. #yourewelcome
Mad World - Tears for Fears from the Hurting - 1983
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad world, mad world
Children waiting for the day, they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher, tell me what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad world, mad world
Enlarge your world
Mad world
Radioactive
Imagine Dragons
Producer Alex da Kid
Track 1 on Night Visions (Expanded Edition) [Super Deluxe]
Feb. 14, 2012
"Radioactive"
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa
I'm waking up to ash and dust
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust
I'm breathing in the chemicals
[Inhale, exhale]
I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus
This is it, the apocalypse
Whoa oh
I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my system blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive
I raise my flag and dye my clothes
It's a revolution, I suppose
We're painted red to fit right in
Whoa oh
I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus
This is it, the apocalypse
Whoa oh
I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my system blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive
All systems go, the sun hasn't died
Deep in my bones, straight from inside
I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my system blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive
And here's the reprint:
Link to the original post I am reprinting below:
New feature: Hey, Mom! Talking to my mother #1
- the explanation
Hi Mom, You died two days ago, forever changing how I feel about Independence Day, though thinking about it as a kind of independence is interesting: this sentence added 2407.03.
So this entry, the first entry, has become a repository to explain what this blog is all about.
If you're a reader and have come here from a link I shared, then reading this entry will acquaint you with the purpose of this blog feature, and if you REALLY want to drill deeply, you can click on other links on this page for even more text from the 677 entries (at the time of writing this note) in this current blog feature.
The original text of the first post (which did not start with "Hi Mom"):
So, here's a new feature. Sense of Doubt was always meant to be without theme, to be potpourri. Lately, my content has been dominated by comic books. This trend changes now.
I am resuming daily transmission as I did when I wrote the t-shirts blog at 365 T-SHIRTS, and here's the latest blog entry there if interested: Coming Soon - T-shirt #366. Unlike the t-shirts blog, my new dailies will be relatively short.
I am going to use this blog to talk to you, Mom, every day because, as you were dying, I told you that I would think about you every day and that I would miss you every day. Yesterday (you died two days ago), I realized that I need to continue to talk to you, but I was wondering if I even need to do that out loud. And I will talk to you out loud. I also will talk to you in my mind. And some (not all) of what I share with you, I will share here with faithful readers, all two of them, who follow what I am doing with some regularity. By sharing here, I will also make official what I share with you, Mom, and what I dedicate to you.
I was thinking of good tributes to you, Mom. For instance, you liked shopping in the mall. In fact, for Mother's Day this year (that's 2015), I had given you a gift certificate to be redeemed to get me to take you to the mall and through as many stores as you wanted (all of them if you wanted). I put off letting you redeem it until after Liesel (my wife) and I returned from our trip to Scotland. But we had been home about a month when you died, and I had not yet managed to fulfill the promise made by the gift certificate. I have a little regret, but not paralyzing regret. I had taken you on a lot of shopping trips in the last fifteen years, so it was not going to be the first one, just the first one in a while.
Okay, back to the subject of this blog. I want to keep these posts short, often as short as a few lines or even a single line. I have so much to say, but I also realize that I have every day for the rest of my life to say everything. Though I am not sure if I will keep up with this "Hey Mom" feature for the rest of my life, I am committing to another entire year, as I did with the T-shirts Blog (and succeeded).
Added from #3: 1507.08: These early posts (not sure how long "early" will last) will all be about your death, Mom. You know, the final days, and everything that happened. I will repeat many things I said to you then, but I may find some new things as well.
I am sure I will focus a great deal of content on memories, but I also want to focus on what I usually tell you, Mom. The things that are happening. What's going on in my life now. My life will wait, though. Your death is the main subject for the near future, but I may mix in some other things from what's happening right now, I know you're interested.
Added from #7: 1507.12:
1. WORKING ON GRIEF: I need to work through my feelings, and I am going to do that by talking to you about my grief and the grieving process. The early stages of this will be the big stuff, such as the Memorial Service, making photo albums, and the anniversaries of your death, such as the first week, the first month, and so on. Some of this content may be as short as one line as I share one thing that made me think of you that day, Mom. I think the grieving process will have many facets.
2. MEMORIES: Though I am recounting memories as much for me as I am for you, Mom, I will recount memories from all the great times we shared in the last 53 and a half years.
3. JUST STUFF: I miss talking to you in person and on the phone. So some of the posts or contents of posts will simply be things I would have shared if you were still here on this earth in physical form. For readers other than you, Mom, it won't all be "big" stuff. Some of it will be rather mundane. But then I know you loved my stories, Mom. You loved to hear about what was going on.
Back to original text:
So today is a bit lengthier as it is dedicated to explaining what I am doing and why. I know you are interested, Mom; I know you are proud. I will place a link permanently on the Sense of Doubt blog main page leading to this content, so that I can always provide readers a quick link to the purpose of and thinking behind "Hey, Mom!", a blog feature. I also may wish to add to and edit this text as I develop this feature. It's what happened with the T-shirts blog as that evolved. It seems natural and fitting.
It's just like when I called. Even when I couldn't visit in the last few years, I would call. I called nearly every day, and you listened, Mom. This blog is going to take the place of those phone calls because I am going to miss calling you, talking to you, all the time, every day.
So that's today's "Hey, Mom!" She loves it. I can tell.
This post ends like those phone calls. Have Dad give you a kiss. I love you, Mom.
-end of original text-
ADDED in October 2015
Check out this entry
BLOG ENTRY #88 - 90 Days.
This entry does a better job of explaining the purpose of the blog than I gave in this entry #1 previously, so I am adding it here as I try to direct all new traffic here to this first post as an introduction to the series.
Update from Mother's Day 2017 - 1705.14
So this is what I wrote on Mother's Day and updated (extra text) to include here.
I have been wanting to write about how I have moved on in regards to grief, Mom. Sure, I am still grieving, but it's not constant, and it's not crippling. I am concerned that readers will think that by continuing my HEY MOM series that I am holding on, clinging, obsessed, looking for sympathy.
Not the case.
My loss, losing you, Mom, is not more unique than all the others who have lost parents, loved ones, and far less tragic than losses of young children.
But loss is loss, and measuring one loss against another seems like splitting hairs. It may serve a good purpose in validating someone's loss -- say of losing a young adult after his first semester at college as a friend of mine experienced late last year, which seems orders of magnitude more painful than losing you, Mom, after 79 years -- but not really useful in other ways. Because loss is loss, and we must all learn to live with it because we will all lose people. It's inevitable.
I want to be clear about the purpose of this HEY MOM blog feature, and why I continued it past my original plan of posting on 365 consecutive days.
This blog started with grief. It started as a way to cope with my grief. But it's not about grief anymore, and it was never JUST about grief.
It's about life.
It's about living.
It's about the things that I want to share or that I want to write about.
And I am sharing with my Mom as I always have, but really now, that's more tribute than meant to be seen as direct communication at least by other readers. I know that I am still communicating with you, Mom, in a hundred ways every day, but for readers of this blog, I want you to enjoy my work, whether it's original content (as I manage at least once a week) or a repost with very little text from or repost share with some more significant text from me.
That's a blog in the life of me, Mom. And here it is.
However, for more examination of what I have written about grief, check out the following link to my Hey Mom - Grief category. There is also a category just called Grief, but the Hey Mom one has all the posts specifically about grieving the loss of you, Mom, plus other grief posts of people who have died whom I mourn.
HEY MOM GRIEF CATEGORY
This is the ending I devised later and came back and added.
Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
- Days ago = 02 days ago
Hey look! Obituary!
Battle Creek Enquirer Obituary for Marjorie E. Tower
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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1507.06 - 21:31
updated - 1507.08, 1507.09
and - 1510.20 - 20:17
and - 1705.15 - 8:45
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Here's the original banner text from the top of the blog from when I began the "Hey Mom" series. I changed it originally in 2015, when I started, I changed it again 1801.03 after posting item #911 in the series, and so I archive it here.
The main current project is a series of posts charting my grief journey after the death of my mother. "Hey, Mom! Talking to my Mother" chronicles my ongoing conversation with my mother, an activity that goes well with the theme of this blog (updated 2015). The Sense of Doubt blog is dedicated to my motto: EMBRACE UNCERTAINTY. I promote questioning everything because just when I think I know something is concrete, I find out that it’s not.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If you're a reader and have come here from a link I shared, then reading this entry will acquaint you with the purpose of this blog feature, and if you REALLY want to drill deeply, you can click on other links on this page for even more text from the 677 entries (at the time of writing this note) in this current blog feature.
The original text of the first post (which did not start with "Hi Mom"):
So, here's a new feature. Sense of Doubt was always meant to be without theme, to be potpourri. Lately, my content has been dominated by comic books. This trend changes now.
I am resuming daily transmission as I did when I wrote the t-shirts blog at 365 T-SHIRTS, and here's the latest blog entry there if interested: Coming Soon - T-shirt #366. Unlike the t-shirts blog, my new dailies will be relatively short.
I am going to use this blog to talk to you, Mom, every day because, as you were dying, I told you that I would think about you every day and that I would miss you every day. Yesterday (you died two days ago), I realized that I need to continue to talk to you, but I was wondering if I even need to do that out loud. And I will talk to you out loud. I also will talk to you in my mind. And some (not all) of what I share with you, I will share here with faithful readers, all two of them, who follow what I am doing with some regularity. By sharing here, I will also make official what I share with you, Mom, and what I dedicate to you.
I was thinking of good tributes to you, Mom. For instance, you liked shopping in the mall. In fact, for Mother's Day this year (that's 2015), I had given you a gift certificate to be redeemed to get me to take you to the mall and through as many stores as you wanted (all of them if you wanted). I put off letting you redeem it until after Liesel (my wife) and I returned from our trip to Scotland. But we had been home about a month when you died, and I had not yet managed to fulfill the promise made by the gift certificate. I have a little regret, but not paralyzing regret. I had taken you on a lot of shopping trips in the last fifteen years, so it was not going to be the first one, just the first one in a while.
Okay, back to the subject of this blog. I want to keep these posts short, often as short as a few lines or even a single line. I have so much to say, but I also realize that I have every day for the rest of my life to say everything. Though I am not sure if I will keep up with this "Hey Mom" feature for the rest of my life, I am committing to another entire year, as I did with the T-shirts Blog (and succeeded).
Added from #3: 1507.08: These early posts (not sure how long "early" will last) will all be about your death, Mom. You know, the final days, and everything that happened. I will repeat many things I said to you then, but I may find some new things as well.
I am sure I will focus a great deal of content on memories, but I also want to focus on what I usually tell you, Mom. The things that are happening. What's going on in my life now. My life will wait, though. Your death is the main subject for the near future, but I may mix in some other things from what's happening right now, I know you're interested.
 |
| Laura's wedding 1995 - this may be my favorite picture of Mom |
Added from #7: 1507.12:
1. WORKING ON GRIEF: I need to work through my feelings, and I am going to do that by talking to you about my grief and the grieving process. The early stages of this will be the big stuff, such as the Memorial Service, making photo albums, and the anniversaries of your death, such as the first week, the first month, and so on. Some of this content may be as short as one line as I share one thing that made me think of you that day, Mom. I think the grieving process will have many facets.
2. MEMORIES: Though I am recounting memories as much for me as I am for you, Mom, I will recount memories from all the great times we shared in the last 53 and a half years.
3. JUST STUFF: I miss talking to you in person and on the phone. So some of the posts or contents of posts will simply be things I would have shared if you were still here on this earth in physical form. For readers other than you, Mom, it won't all be "big" stuff. Some of it will be rather mundane. But then I know you loved my stories, Mom. You loved to hear about what was going on.
Back to original text:
So today is a bit lengthier as it is dedicated to explaining what I am doing and why. I know you are interested, Mom; I know you are proud. I will place a link permanently on the Sense of Doubt blog main page leading to this content, so that I can always provide readers a quick link to the purpose of and thinking behind "Hey, Mom!", a blog feature. I also may wish to add to and edit this text as I develop this feature. It's what happened with the T-shirts blog as that evolved. It seems natural and fitting.
It's just like when I called. Even when I couldn't visit in the last few years, I would call. I called nearly every day, and you listened, Mom. This blog is going to take the place of those phone calls because I am going to miss calling you, talking to you, all the time, every day.
This post ends like those phone calls. Have Dad give you a kiss. I love you, Mom.
-end of original text-
ADDED in October 2015
Check out this entry
BLOG ENTRY #88 - 90 Days.
This entry does a better job of explaining the purpose of the blog than I gave in this entry #1 previously, so I am adding it here as I try to direct all new traffic here to this first post as an introduction to the series.
Update from Mother's Day 2017 - 1705.14
So this is what I wrote on Mother's Day and updated (extra text) to include here.
I have been wanting to write about how I have moved on in regards to grief, Mom. Sure, I am still grieving, but it's not constant, and it's not crippling. I am concerned that readers will think that by continuing my HEY MOM series that I am holding on, clinging, obsessed, looking for sympathy.
Not the case.
My loss, losing you, Mom, is not more unique than all the others who have lost parents, loved ones, and far less tragic than losses of young children.
But loss is loss, and measuring one loss against another seems like splitting hairs. It may serve a good purpose in validating someone's loss -- say of losing a young adult after his first semester at college as a friend of mine experienced late last year, which seems orders of magnitude more painful than losing you, Mom, after 79 years -- but not really useful in other ways. Because loss is loss, and we must all learn to live with it because we will all lose people. It's inevitable.
I want to be clear about the purpose of this HEY MOM blog feature, and why I continued it past my original plan of posting on 365 consecutive days.
This blog started with grief. It started as a way to cope with my grief. But it's not about grief anymore, and it was never JUST about grief.
It's about life.
It's about living.
It's about the things that I want to share or that I want to write about.
And I am sharing with my Mom as I always have, but really now, that's more tribute than meant to be seen as direct communication at least by other readers. I know that I am still communicating with you, Mom, in a hundred ways every day, but for readers of this blog, I want you to enjoy my work, whether it's original content (as I manage at least once a week) or a repost with very little text from or repost share with some more significant text from me.
That's a blog in the life of me, Mom. And here it is.
However, for more examination of what I have written about grief, check out the following link to my Hey Mom - Grief category. There is also a category just called Grief, but the Hey Mom one has all the posts specifically about grieving the loss of you, Mom, plus other grief posts of people who have died whom I mourn.
HEY MOM GRIEF CATEGORY
This is the ending I devised later and came back and added.
Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.
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- Days ago = 02 days ago
Hey look! Obituary!
Battle Creek Enquirer Obituary for Marjorie E. Tower
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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1507.06 - 21:31
updated - 1507.08, 1507.09
and - 1510.20 - 20:17
and - 1705.15 - 8:45
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Here's the original banner text from the top of the blog from when I began the "Hey Mom" series. I changed it originally in 2015, when I started, I changed it again 1801.03 after posting item #911 in the series, and so I archive it here.
The main current project is a series of posts charting my grief journey after the death of my mother. "Hey, Mom! Talking to my Mother" chronicles my ongoing conversation with my mother, an activity that goes well with the theme of this blog (updated 2015). The Sense of Doubt blog is dedicated to my motto: EMBRACE UNCERTAINTY. I promote questioning everything because just when I think I know something is concrete, I find out that it’s not.
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That's everything for today.
I still can't believe that I have done this for TEN years and that whole time without Mom.
I am still processing all of that and will be for a significant period of time.
Thanks for tuning in!!
Proving I do stuff...
TODAY'S INSTAGRAM POST!
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Proving I do stuff...
TODAY'S INSTAGRAM POST!
What I did today
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- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 2507.07 - 10:10
- Days ago: MOM = 3658 days ago & DAD = 312 days ago
- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I post Hey Mom blog entries on special occasions. I post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day, and now I have a second count for Days since my Dad died on August 28, 2024. I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of Mom's death, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of her death and sometimes 13:40 EDT for the time of Dad's death. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.
- New note - On 1807.06, I ceased daily transmission of my Hey Mom feature after three years of daily conversations. I post Hey Mom blog entries on special occasions. I post the days since ("Days Ago") count on my blog each day, and now I have a second count for Days since my Dad died on August 28, 2024. I am now in the same time zone as Google! So, when I post at 10:10 a.m. PDT to coincide with the time of Mom's death, I am now actually posting late, so it's really 1:10 p.m. EDT. But I will continue to use the time stamp of 10:10 a.m. to remember the time of her death and sometimes 13:40 EDT for the time of Dad's death. The blog entry numbering in the title has changed to reflect total Sense of Doubt posts since I began the blog on 0705.04, which include Hey Mom posts, Daily Bowie posts, and Sense of Doubt posts. Hey Mom posts will still be numbered sequentially. New Hey Mom posts will use the same format as all the other Hey Mom posts; all other posts will feature this format seen here.
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