Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #86 - Apples

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #86 - Apples

Hi Mom,

Organic or non-organic apples. We're doing a taste test. The two non-organic apples I bought have already been eaten. This is an organic apple from the Mt. Rainier area of Washington state.

Do you remember me slicing up apple and feeding you pieces?

Sometimes, I smeared peanut butter on the pieces.

You liked it, right?

Eight-six entries so far and now I am thinking about you and apples.

Sometimes, it's just that simple.

And crunchy.

:-)

Happy last day of September, Mom.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 88 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.30 - 16:05

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #85 - Your Deaths

My favorite picture
Mom at Laura and Craig's wedding
October 1995

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #85 - Your Deaths

Hi Mom,

So, here's what precipitated this line of thinking: the other day a student told me that someone close to his family committed suicide.

His incident got me thinking. What deaths had I experienced before yours? First one I remember was my step-grandmother, the woman I knew as my grandmother, your father's second wife, Hazel. Then a high school friend who committed suicide. Next, a high school friend who fell to his death while climbing a mountain in France. Then my Uncle, your brother. Next, the rest of the grand parents. Dad's dad. Your Dad. And lastly, Dad's mom. Though it was sad losing the grand parents, and my Uncle, I was actually not as close with them as I was with the two high school friends (whose names I leaving off this blog).

But none of those deaths compare to the loss of you, your death. A much greater loss.

Not that I am unique. I know some people who have lost children. I know others who have lost their parents. I know some people who have lost spouses. I know that my experience is unusual. Most of us will outlive our parents. We will see our mothers and fathers die. It's going to happen.

In my callow youth (and I was callow, quite), I contemplated suicide. I spoke of suicide lightly, cavalierly. I cannot imagine this mindset now. Not only is life more precious to me as I try to figure out how to understand with and how to cope with the loss of you, Mom, but I cannot imagine putting you through losing me by suicide, especially when I was in my twenties or early thirties. How cruel would that have been? How thoughtless? How selfish?

Watching you, Mom, struggle with the loss of your mother -- who died when you were 19 -- grappling with the grief and pain all the years I knew you -- as you never quite "got over it" -- I would never, ever put you through losing me. Given how you felt about losing your mother, how would you have survived losing me to suicide? I am glad I proved to be a lot stronger than I thought I was when I was young.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 87 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.29 - 20:44

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #84 - Letting Go-part one

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #84 - Letting Go-part one

For those who need the story on THE SHIRT in the photo above, please click the link here:
THE SHIRT.

Hi Mom,

I was already planning to do a blog post on letting go as I continue to think about my Mom's stuff and going through some of it Saturday (two days ago). And then I called my Dad.

Yesterday, my Dad told me he could not take Mom's thing to the church rummage sale and that he would have to get someone else to do it.

Early in our conversation today, I told him I was having a rough time with the thought of her stuff leaving the house, and I was fighting the urge to come back to get more things: clothing, jewelry, things she loved. I have no use for her fleece pull over with the polar bears, but the thought of it leaving the house makes me very sad, and it makes me want to hold on, to clutch the shirt, or her sun catchers, and to not let go.

And then Dad told me he had been thinking about it, too, having the same feelings, and he decided, just this morning, not to have her things taken to the rummage sale. It was important for him to have the things taken down stairs, so that he did not have to look at them every day. But now, he wants to keep them in the house and not part with them, and I am so relieved to learn this.

And so, today's entry that was going to be about letting go, and how we need to let go. And now we all acknowledge that we are not ready to let go of some things, and we know the letting go will happen in stages, a piece at a time.

And so, there's a picture of the shirt I had made for you, Mom. It's hanging in my closet. I give it a kiss every day. Maybe that's a weird thing to do, but it comforts me and that's really all that matters.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 86 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.28 - 19:36

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #83 - LOL - not Laughing Out Loud

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #83 - LOL - not Laughing Out Loud

Hi Mom,

You know, I try to be a positive person. I do have a tendency to wallow and/or to fixate. I can really grind the gears if I get the bit tight, jammed to the back of my jaw.

But I am sensitive to my own tendencies, and I try not to get too "one note." I do not want to bore people, and I do not like to repeat myself. (ASIDE: Though I will repeat pictures as with the one to the right.)


Also, important to note, the graphic up top. I received the graphic today from Monica Byrne in an email she sent to her supporters. She's an author who was going to write a column on popular culture for WIRED magazine. But then when the WIRED deal was crushed, she decided to crowd fund it and do it herself. She just decided to shift her priorities and re-invest in her fiction and stop the column after two publications. She wrote her supporters to give them the option to cancel their support or to continue to support her fiction writing. In describing her change of heart and mind, she shared the image above, and it really struck me.

I am changing, too. I am re-ordering priorities. And I am re-thinking about grief because I am still experiencing grief, and at times, intensely, hence today's title: LOL, for Layers of Loss.

Yesterday's review of your things and subsequent trip to Meijer uncovered a whole new layer of loss. I thought I was doing all right. I thought I was better than functional. I can joke around, smile, laugh, love, play, and enjoy things. And then, the thought of all your clothes going to the rummage sale, the thought of your clothes no longer being in your closet for you has me rocked. That thought and all the thoughts that have come with it has opened a new layer to the depths of this loss underneath me, and I am trying desperately to find stable footing again. I had been told it would be like this, that grief would be sneaky, that grief would blind side. And I thought I had experienced what those people meant when they said that, understood how covert and unpredictable the grief, the feeling of loss, can be. But then, this. And I don't know how to sort out my feelings, which is probably okay. I am not meant to sort them out, at least not in one day, at least not easily.

And so, a new LOL = Layers Of Loss.

I am still learning.

There are not enough ways for me to express how much I miss you, Mom.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 85 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.27 - 17:08

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #82 - Your Stuff

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #82 - Your Stuff


Hi Mom,

I went through some of your stuff today before it's shipped off to the church rummage sale. Though Lori snagged the one cat necklace I wanted (which is all right as she may wear it and I would just display it), I chose a few items that are dear to me for one reason or another: that old wooden cat you had forever, the angel, some socks, the Japanese good luck charm cat -- a Maneki Neko -- and some jewelry. I may photograph things individually later.

After assembling this shoe box not even full with items, I went to Meijer, our Meijer, your Meijer. I thought about you a lot today. I should probably do a whole post on Meijer in more depth than I have already covered it. People probably don't understand how important Meijer was to you, especially after the meningitis, when going to Meijer was a major outing.


At the top, there's a picture of you post-meningitis, probably Mother's Day 2002 as the photos were developed in June. My shoulder and arm is in the background.



I like this picture of you and your crazy grin and red cheeks. Red from your usual flush and not from drinking.

Below, there's a picture from Melanie showing your Beanies' new home in little Elliot's crib.

I thought about you a lot today, Mom.

And now I have some carefully selected keepsakes that will remind me of you all the time.

As always, I try to find new ways to repeat the constant theme of my writings here: I miss you, Mom.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 84 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.26 - 1509.26

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #81 - Dinner Tonight

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #81 - Dinner Tonight

Hi Mom,

There's a dinner tonight at the Meyers. Dad, Liesel, and I will gather, but you will not be there, which makes me sad. I thought to work on this sadness that I would post a picture of all of us at dinner. This picture is from either October or November of 1998. It was definitely cold enough to warrant winter wear. I am wearing a cubs pull over and I am watching today's Cubs broadcast as I type this, so this fact motivated me to select this photo. I believe that this photo was taken at Rykse's on Stadium, one of your favorite places.

Back from dinner.

We told stories about you and shared a good laugh.


Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 83 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.25 - 21:35

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #80 - School Dayz & Bikes

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #80 - School Dayz & Bikes

 Hi Mom,

I rode my bike around school today. Over to Rood, down to Howard and Stadium, Stadium West to Drake, south on Drake to the Parkview campus and then more less reverse to get home.

I will not ride my bike to the engineering campus every week, but I will a few more times while the weather is nice, and I don't have to shuttle Satchel to Camp Fido.

And, so, I have been intending to get some pictures. So, in the picture up top, I am outside the engineering school with my bicycle in the background having just arrived after my Pre-Calculus test.

I like to get to my Java class early as the geeky students also like to get there early and snag the best seats. It's a small class room. Though I think the initial enthusiasm ("gee, wow, I am at college") is waning as reality sets in (it's hard work, like marathon running).

Anyway, in the next picture, surely above this text, I am posing with the Einstein statue. This may be apocryphal. I am unaware that Einstein played Ultimate, especially since the sport was invented after he died. But it's a metaphor, right? Play. Play every day. I just put a sign up in our house with those exact words.

PLAY EVERY DAY.

It's good advice, isn't it Mom?

You were not much for play, but you did take time out for things you liked, your play, like shopping and Y&R.

I work too hard and too much.

So in the spirit of getting in more play, I rode seven-plus miles around the two campuses and then after dinner went with Liesel on a four mile walk!!

And now I should be grading papers. But that will have to wait. It's bed time.

Love you, Mom.

I know you're proud of me.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 82 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.24 - 20:34

plaque under statue
seen in picture above

Hey, Mom! Talking to my Mother #79 - Feedback

Hey, Mom! Talking to my Mother #79 - Feedback

Hi Mom,

I have received some nice feedback over the last seventy-nine days. Wow. Seventy-nine days of blogging this to you. Eighty one days since you died. Fragmented sentences. Wow.

So I already had this post planned and had written the last two bits way back at the end of July.

But then I got a new response, and I remembered that I should post these comments before it gets too long.

See comments in above image.

My friend Zan thought I was tired from talking to you, which, I must admit is a natural assumption given the post title if you did not already know that I was blogging these conversations to you.

As if.

I was never too tired to talk to you. In fact, what you had to say became more and more precious over the last fifteen years as your ability to communicate deteriorated. And, do you remember one of the last things you communicated? With your famous eye brow raise? A desire for ice cream?

I miss talking to you Mom. This is a good outlet for me. I feel as if I am talking to you, and I feel your presence. I know what you are saying. But it's not quite the same.

And I miss those raisings of the eye brows.

So here's two of the other comments from back in July. I have had many other wonderful comments, and I plan to feature some of them later. Liesel's Aunt Dori has been particularly kind.

Josh Hall, in Fanfare, you know who I mean, told me that he thought it was great that I was writing to you and sharing some of it with the world, on this blog. He told me he did not think that he could do that. I want to say that he told me I was brave for doing it, but I may be remembering what I wanted to hear and not what he actually said.

I made Piper and her boyfriend, Adam, cry with one of the early entries.

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- Days ago = 81 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.23 - 20:16
and 1509.24 - 20:18

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #78 - Handicapped spot

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #78 - Handicapped spot

Hi Mom, I thought about you today when I was walking toward this handicapped parking spot at D&W on Oakland Drive in Kalamazoo.

We spent so many years driving around for handicapped spots. I never really thought about these spots much before you needed to use them.

I also never thought much about the word "handicapped," which I think is a much better word than "disabled." Just by definition. "Handicapped" means needing assistance, but "disabled" means unable, lacking ability "dis" - ability. Most peopled labeled as "disabled" have some ability. But it's all about our culture. "Handicapped" became associated with the culture at large's negative feelings for the "differently abled," and so to avoid stigma, to avoid the negative connotations, by law, usage was mandated to switch to "disabled." Well, arrest me. I won't use it. Handicapped is a better word. After all, a handicap in golf means that one needs a little help, but one can still play golf.

I will think about you every time I pass a handicapped parking spot, Mom. But now, with you gone, I won't park there, even driving Dad's car that still has the handicapped parking permit. I will leave them free for the people who need them.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 80 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.22 - 20:03

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #77 - "see you in the morning"

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #77 - "see you in the morning"

Hi Mom,

I didn't have a good picture of you in bed, so I went with this one.

Dad always told you he would see you in the morning. You held through that last Friday night, when he said that to you, in your recliner, before he went to bed. The next morning, Saturday, July 4th, you were still here, and his statement was still true: "I will see you in the morning, Marjorie."

I may have written about this little fact in other places and in other ways, but I think it deserved the emphasis given by its own post.

Also, as you well know Mom, we spent the last several years telling you things you already knew, checking with you to make sure you remember, as you struggled in many ways with the ever developing brain damage left behind from the Meningitis.

I still think about you every night, Mom. I helped Dad put you to bed so many times in the last 15 years.

I wish we could still say "see you in the morning" and have it be true.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 79 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.21 - 19:50
and again 1509.22 - 19:52

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #76 - Football WMU v. Murray State

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #76 - Football WMU v. Murray State


Hi Mom,

Dad and I went to the WMU football game yesterday (Saturday 9/19/2015) in the suite hosted by Greenleaf Trust as we did last November when Lori sat with you while we enjoyed ourselves. We saw many of the same people there last night as we did ten months ago.

We had fun, and WMU won the game by a score of 52-20!


But even though we had fun, these outings are a reminder that they are only possible because Dad no longer has to take care of you. This game started at 7 p.m., and Dad would never have been able to go to it if you were still alive.

Knowing you Mom, I should have taken a picture of the food. I forgot. It was mostly Mexican fare and meatballs. And we left before they brought out the cookies.

It was 21-3 when we left with WMU ahead. WMU had a Hell of a second half.

I have been doing a lot of things with Dad. I know you are watching over us.

We love you and miss you.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 78 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.20 - 19:19

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #75 - August: Osage County

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #75 - August: Osage County

Hi Mom,

Apparently, I am a REAL human, a "mensch," which coming from someone I respect as much as Susan Kernish, I am truly honored and blessed.

I saw a very special show last night at Battle Creek's What A Do Theatre: August: Osage County.

It was incredible.

Above see comments to me following on the image below of the comments I sent on to the cast and crew.

Going to see the WMU game with Dad tonight, Mom, and I need to walk the dog but first the Cubs have to get the final out in their game against the Cardinals. Technically, "its" game but that does not sound very correct.

I suspect that I am not allowed to post my review, but I can post a link to the Battle Creek Enquirer's publication of my review.

CLICK ME =  REVIEW OF WHAT A DO THEATRE'S AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY


From me to WHAT A DO folks.

















Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 77 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.19 - time

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #74 - Me tired am

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #74 - Me tired am

Hi Mom,

Me tired am.

Me articulate not.

I finally caught up on work, though I still have more work to do to finish the week. I am just back to the normal schedule, or maybe slightly behind, but I no longer have any missed deadlines. If I can finish two more sets of papers by Sunday, then I will not have missed any deadlines.

Still more to do, two sets of papers for Park University, thirty-one in all (15+16). Papers for WMU, though those are not at the highest priority level. I need to study for a Pre-Calculus test I have this coming Thursday, and then the usual discussion posts, bill paying, class teaching, and other normal nonsense I do all the time, every week, or every day.

AND I have to go see a play in Battle Creek and write a review tomorrow morning.

This is likely exactly what our phone call would be like. It's more or less what my call with Dad was like.

Dad and I go to a WMU football game tomorrow. I wish you could go with us.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 76 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.18 - 18:31

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #73 - Candy Fast is Over

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #73 - Candy Fast is Over

Hi Mom,

I have been fasting, denying myself  candy, especially candy bars, all summer. This fast does include MINTS, such as I have featured on this blog, or dark chocolate, which I have from time to time, though I am out of it right now.

Given recent work challenges -- which I described as climbing a mountain to find another mountain on top of the first mountain and climbing that, too -- I decided to break the candy fast today and buy this Butterfinger because, DAMMIT, I deserve it.

That's all for today.

I am still climbing mountains.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 75 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.17 - 20:21

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #73 - Dreams part two

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #73 - Dreams part two

Hi Mom, Here's the latest accumulation of dreams to share with you.

Dream - 1508.10 (when I woke)

In this dream, I am a girl. Not sure why though this may say something about my anima. In any case, I am some kind of secret agent tasked with stealing special ancient artifacts. At some point in this dream, I home with my mother, who is doing usual mother things, for you, Mom, this was ironing.
Anyway, I steal the artifacts. One is a ring. When I put the ring on a finger, it transports me to another universe, one in which my mother either does not exist or is not alive. I go to the people who have hired me to steal the artifacts and want me to give them the artifacts. However, I do not want to give them the ring as this is my only means of getting back to my universe, and my mother. In discussing what to do, the dream with me crying and telling them that "I miss my Mom."

House destruction: Earlier in the dream sequence, I wake up (in the dream I wake up) and come out into our living room (which is designed differently than our actual living room), and a white birch tree branch (more like half of a tree) has torn through the front of the house and all the windows. There's a huge gash in our house's facade with the window cases and siding dangling where the tear happened. I also smell the pungent odor of skunk.


Dream - 1508.11

I was among friends. Three guys and a woman, whom I had recently met. But they loved each other, and I was growing to love them. The woman had just been released from the hospital. One guy said to her: "I have not see you for three days. How are you?" I told these people that though I just met them that I love them. This dream is about KUDL and the wedding I went to this last weekend.

Dream - 1508.23

As I woke from dreaming this dream, I had the sense that I had dreamed it many times before, but that's not true. In the dream, you were alive, Mom, but in prison. And yet the prison was more like a nursing home because after going through security, I always met with you in the huge dining hall. Dad was often taking a nap in a nearby recliner. I was able to give you hugs and kisses and yet wondering why I could see you alive here, in prison, and yet not outside of prison. It was a twist on the alternate reality thing that has been running through my mind. This idea that you are alive in one place and not alive in this other place. So in the dream, which I both knew was a dream and yet believed as real, you were alive in the prison but I knew you would not be elsewhere.

Much of the dream focused on how I had to pass through security in order to visit you, and I often had to bring in things to share, such as in one episode of the dream I was carting a case of bottled water. Meanwhile, some other family was bringing a huge palette of over 100 cases of Coke.

During one of my visits, we were able to talk. You were happy, and you liked the food. I gave you plenty of hugs and kisses and promised to visit tomorrow. The dream ended.

Dream - 1509.11

I dreamed about my friend John Locke, who was still a red-headed smirky man in our advanced age now, though with flecks of grey. He was visiting for the first time in many years. You were there Mom as he demonstrated his spinning coaster cup holder. At first, he had some trouble with its operation. I did not understand the purpose of some drink holder/coaster that spin like a top. But John said something about effluviating the liquid (which is from effluviate to give forth effluvium or vapor), but he couldn't demonstrate it. Meanwhile, you just laughed and laughed, Mom. You always liked John. Locke was also eating a steady diet of special varieties of croutons and crostini, as purchased at some new specialty store that just sells these crusty and toasted bread items.

Dream - 1509.12

We had lent our great room (which is a combination of the West Gull Lake Drive and Richland Woods homes though larger) to a group of K-College students holding a fund raiser dinner. Many of orange chairs (both the dining room and living room ones) were set around six different long tables filling the space. Our chairs had multiplied. You were not there, Mom, but I was thinking about you as someone gave a speech about closeness and love, the community, those we care about, those we remember, and how we had a great summer, but we don't forget those we lost, like you Mom. Many of my Ultimate friends were there. I had tears streaming down my face.

Dream - 1509.14

Mom, This dream does not feature you in any way, but it is about our family. In this dream, my Dad and I find Lori at some college where we are planning to spend the day. Later, when we try to take her home, we discover that she's already home: there are TWO Loris. Which is the real one? Noel, her husband, asks questions, but what if the doppleganger replaced the real Lori a while ago and know some more recent events for answers? Neither can explain. I suggest that they don't try to figure it out. Why not have two of my sister? One can work full time, while the other take care of her household full time. But the whole dream was infused with a weird feeling, an unsettled feeling that things were not right, an uncomfortable feeling that the wrong universe has intruded on the right universe, which is why I share, because this feeling is exactly the same as my first dream in this sequence (from 1508.10), which just happens to be the morning after my sister's birthday.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 74 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.16 - 21:24

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #72 - Whirlpool Seminar

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #72 - Whirlpool Seminar


Hi Mom,

I did it!! Whirlpool seminar is done. But I am swamped with work, so I will fill in details tomorrow.

And then tomorrow became 112 days later. So it's 1601.07 as I type these words, and I am just now finishing this post. AND with this post, I am caught up. I can cross off the last post on my list of unfinished posts.

I sweated and toiled over this Whirlpool seminar as I had never entered a corporation and facilitated such a seminar. It was a rousing success, though the engineers may have preferred more time concentrated on the documents they now must revise. But the good news in following up on their revisions is that Whirlpool will hire me to help.

I signed a non-disclosure agreement, so I cannot discuss the finer details of the documents, but then, that's fine as I do not need to do so.

I am proud of how well the seminar went. I was most nervous about ice breakers and introductions, but then, I have close to 30 years of experience at winging it and improvising such sessions from what must be close to 100 class rooms by now.

I mixed some lecture with some brainstorming team work. I think you would be proud of me, Mom. Actually, I know you are. I sense that you are.

I dragged my feet on writing this recap thinking that it needed to be a FULL recap, but that would likely bore you all, you especially Mom, to tears. Besides, now that I have waited 112 to fill in the details, I have forgotten many.

One take away I remember best is a discussion at lunch. One engineer asked about team projects in the course I teach at Lake Michigan College, which is how I got this gig. He claimed that he asks prospective employees about the team projects and the inevitable students who do not do any work. He hires the people who claim that they badgered these students and either forced them participate or kicked them out of the group for non-activity. He doesn't want employees that will cover for others who are not pulling their weight. And thus, the main lesson and the main justification for the team project is revealed. And so I added the team project BACK into my Technical Writing course, which I had dropped simply because of the hassles of putting students through it. But it's these hassles that are the whole point of having such a project.

Anyway, I took some pictures of the content created in lecture and brainstorming.

As you can see I worked some big paper stuff and some wipe board stuff also some sticky note stuff.

I think it went well.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 73 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.15 - 20:33
and again 1601.07 - 10:55

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #71 - work

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #71 - work


Hi Mom,

I will not shirk my conversations with you too often, I promise.

But that seminar at whirlpool is tomorrow, I have to teach four classes today, and finish my prep.

I am going nuts.

Tomorrow will be the seminar, so that will be nuts, too, but I will share a picture of Whirlpool.

I am happy that I feel you with me, Mom.

Thanks.


OH, and BTW, I slammed the thumb of my left hand in the car door a few hours ago. That just feels great. I am sure I will share some lovely photos of it but not now.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 72 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.14 - 18:47

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #70 - IOU a trip to the mall

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #70 - IOU a trip to the mall

Hi Mom,

I owe you a trip to the mall. Not the mall in the picture above. The mall in the picture no longer exists, at least not in this form.

On Mother's Day this year (2015), I gave you an IOU for a trip to Crossroads mall and an afternoon of shopping and treats. I knew it would have to wait until summer as Liesel and I were leaving for Scotland and with work and all, I would not be able to fit until early July, right around the time you died.

Once again, Mom, your timing was very good. You died during a work break. I had one class going at Park University but that was the only thing: no CTU classes, no teaching of WMU classes, and no taking of WMU classes. Good timing, if any time was actually "good." I do not really think anything about this is "good." Oh, no. That's not true. I did not want you to suffer. It was time for you to go. As goings go, yours was as good as it could be, I guess.

But we had not yet done our trip to the mall.

My first reaction, when Dad reminded me of the IOU, was that I did not feel like going to the mall simply as a tribute to you.

And then, I reconsidered. I still owe you that shopping trip, Mom. You loved those trips so much. And since you pay such close attention to our conversations, those that take place here and privately, that I have no really good excuse for not going to the mall and going all the places you would want to go, which is basically everywhere.

I have been keeping the "days ago" numbers under my calendar, but I only count out one week at a time. I don't have the heart to fill out the whole calendar.

I am still swallowed whole by work, so this is a short one.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.



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- Days ago = 71 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.13 - time

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #69 - It's time for a puppy

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #69 - It's time for a puppy

Hi Mom,

I felt it was time for a puppy to appear on this blog again. So, here's a picture of Satchel (a couple actually). Puppies make everyone happy. Though people who know dogs well and/or own dogs are happiest of all.

The Puppy of this household, Her Booness the Satchel-boo, has been missing Liesel who has been out of town for a few days.

I have been alone with the pets since early Thursday, when I have been here that is, and I have not been here the whole time.

today's picture of
Her Booness having a morning nap
1509.12

Dad and I went to dinner at Finley's. He remarked that you swore you would never go back there. Along with Red Lobster, where you also swore you would never go, Dad and I will reverse these decisions one by one. We had a nice time. I had coupons that expired Tuesday. I can sense that you are pleased by this choice.

We had a nice time. The occasion is that I took Liesel's old car, now Ivan's, to a place where I am going to store it for five months until Ivan gets his license.

Otherwise, I have been preparing my seminar that I give at Whirlpool Tuesday, various school work jobs, some grading, and housework (laundry, dishes, chickens, cat litter). I have accomplished a fair amount. I am continually impressed with the contents of the Internet. I learned a lot about facilitation today.

Maybe I have been doing too much with this blog. KISS, you know? Keep It Simple, Stupid. Right? This was only ever meant to be the continuing of our conversation. Our phone call today would have consisted of mostly this stuff with maybe a bit more detail and some private things I am not sharing in public.

It may be assumed, it may go without me saying it every day, but I miss you, Mom.

Enjoy these pictures of the puppyness. They make me happy.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 70 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.12 - 19:51

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #68 - The Twilight Zone

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #68 - The Twilight Zone

Hi Mom,

I have random things to share today. I will go through them in no particular order.

I am still behind on the unfinished or "under construction" posts I made so as to keep up with my date and time stamp for each day. I could cheat and back date them. I think I figured out how to do that during the t-shirts year. But I would rather post incomplete entries and finish them as time permits. I don't think anyone is watching my blog so closely that this is noticed. If you readers are out there who do notice, drop me a comment. I don't post to Twitter and Facebook until the entry is finished, and since that's how most people find out about it, I feel safe.

Yesterday was the first day I jumped over those unfinished entries and posted yesterday's entry. Now the posts as they go to Twitter and Facebook will be out of sequence. I am okay with this result.

I had Ample Pantry for dinner. Dad still has dinners on the gift certificate I gave you for Mother's Day. Just another thing that he has to finish by himself now that you're gone.

I had a busy day: massage, lunch with a friend. hair cut, finished grades this morning, Satchel to Camp Fido, bought dog food, bought comic books, picked up my suit from dry cleaning, picked up Ample Pantry, fetched Satchel from Camp Fido. And now, I should be working, but then, I always should be working.

Cindy and Susan both say hi to you from Continental. I will get my picture taken there some day to feature here as I am going there, in part, as tribute to you.

I should get back to work.

I have tennis on the TV. Liesel did not realize that I like to watch the U.S. Open. Maybe I had not shared this with her yet in our marriage.

I am tired.

I had a weird dream about John Locke and a spinning coaster he had. He was obsessed with eating croutons and crostini. I should text him to share.

I should be working. I am trying to stay up a bit later with Liesel gone, but I got up so early that I am not sure if I can work too late.

At lunch, today, I was trying to explain how I feel, now, two months after you died. Yes, I did notice when the two month anniversary came, but let it go by unremarked.
I had been saying that I am still in the state of disbelief.
But I think that's changing. I am starting to get used to the idea of you being dead. Notice I write dead and not gone. I do not believe you are gone. I believe you are right here with me. With such a strong sense of you here, I feel I need to keep talking about you in present tense because, well, after all, you are here, right here.

Quite a while ago, probably back in either late July or early August, I conceived this post because I felt like I was living in the Twilight Zone. I felt like I was living in another dimension, which I have dreamt about. It's like this episode of the Twilight Zone.

The Twilight Zone: Season 4, Episode 11

The Parallel (14 Mar. 1963)

Click link above for IMDB.

LINK TO VIEW THE EPISODE

Astronaut Robert Gaines returns from space to a world that is not exactly the one he left from.

I feel like this. I am in some world, but it's not the right world because you're not in it, Mom.

But what I started to realize today is that this wrong world, this alternate universe, is starting to feel normal, to feel right.

I don't want it to be the normal. I don't want it to be right.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 69 days ago

- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.11 - 20:27

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #67 - Throwback Thursday #2 - Mackinac Island 1989

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #67 - Throwback Thursday #2 - Mackinac Island 1989

Hi Mom, Throwback to 26 years ago.

Am I on the other side of this camera? I don't know. I may not have been with you for this trip. I don't remember.

All three of you look really happy, especially you Mom, so maybe I wasn't with you all. Ha ha...

That's a pretty classic look for you, Mom. I think that top may be among the ones Dad and Lori found when they went through your clothes the other day.

I love your smile here. This is a good way to remember you: smiling, on vacation with your family, radiating love.

Not much else to say. I am still behind with several unfinished blog entries. I will actually put this one through to Facebook, and try to catch up as best I can.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 68 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.10 - 19:34

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #66 - Starting school - Fall term

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #66 - Starting school - Fall term

Hi Mom,


................. still behind.............. :-( THIS BLOG ENTRY IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION


Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 67 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.09 - 17:10

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #65 - Ends and Odds - Traverse City part seven

Hey, Mom! Talking to My Mother #65 - Ends and Odds - Traverse City part seven


Hi Mom,

A week ago today, we stopped at this place in Cadillac for pasties. I also bought a raspberry pie that I ate at the rate of one piece a day and finished Sunday. Five pieces? That's not bad.

Have someone give you a kiss, and tell you that I love you.
Talk to you tomorrow, Mom.

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- Days ago = 67 days ago


- Bloggery committed by chris tower - 1509.08 - 19:41